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Processors are going to be everywhere, so they shouldn't be energy hogs Europe is trying to plant a flag in future chip development, slinging money towards low-power server silicon.…

♬ 'F*ck selfies: All those gits who take selfies just get on my t*ts' ♬ VIDEO Monty Python members Eric Idle and John Cleese have penned a tune titled “Fuck selfies”.…

Physicists develop "splash-avoidance" technique Engineers have developed a new technique that could pave the way for splash-free urinals in the future.…

Fast gamma rays and fast radio bursts tracked to same source It's not just radio any more: Penn State University boffins have turned up a “fast gamma ray burst” that correlates with a source of a fast radio burst (FRB).…

Replacement for CSIRO's Bragg is required to hit a petaflop for just AU$4m Australia's Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organisation (CSIRO) has issued a (regwalled) tender for a new petaflop-class supercomputer that can run either x86 or Power systems silicon.…

Engineers went head down, bum up but zipped lips gave users the … heebie jeebies A four-hour outage of Google's BigQuery enterprise data warehouse has taught the cloud aspirant two harsh lessons: its cloud doesn't always scale as well as it would like, and; it needs to explain itself better during outages.…

Two earthquakes hammer South Island New Zealand's been hit by two nearly-simultaneous earthquakes that left two people dead, isolated some towns, cut telecommunications links – and rattled the Large Hadron Collider near Geneva.…

Destination unreachable plus port unreachable equals router unreachable A code artefact in a number of popular firewalls means they can be crashed by a mere crafted ping.…

Grab some popcorn, trans-national forensic accounting fans. Both of you The long-running spat between HP and the company formerly known as Autonomy has taken another turn, with Autonomy's former chief financial officer Sushovan Hussain indicted in a San Francisco court last week.…

And no way could that have influenced an election won by one per cent Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg has denied that Facebook's facilitation of fake news influenced the United States presidential election result.…

Wave goodbye to security if crims can pop a MIMO router Modern Wi-Fi doesn't just give you fast browsing, it also imprints some of your finger movements – swipes, passwords and PINs – onto the radio signal.…

Now Vive joins Oculus and Sulon in effort to escape PC connection The race is heating up for a wireless virtual reality headset with HTC announcing a $220 add-on to its Vive system that will allow you to unplug from your PC.…

Spine chilling Scientists trying to find a cure for spinal injuries have claimed a notable success.…

And Trump's tiny hands The world’s tiniest magnifying glass made with gold nanoparticles is powerful enough to see the individual chemical bonds between atoms, according to research published on Friday.…

Social networking giant so very sorry A day after Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg declared it's a "crazy idea" that fake Facebook news may have influenced the election – never mind the persuasive power of its ads – the web giant took to issuing fake death notices.…

Not mentioned: Why it wasn't discussed when they approved the $50bn merger The FCC is taking issue with AT&T over its plans to launch DirecTV as a zero-rated streaming video service.…

And all it took was a few AGs and lawmakers to make them do it Facebook says it will stop allowing advertisers to set display-by-race preferences for certain types of ads.…

Друг познаётся в беде́ The Russian Federal Antimonopoly Service (FAS) is investigating whether Microsoft abused its position in the market with Windows 10 – after Moscow-based Kaspersky complained to the watchdog and EU regulators.…

Demand that bigots resign was really a call for tolerance, food delivery upstart CEO insists Following the election of Donald Trump, Matt Maloney, CEO of food delivery service Grubhub, sent a message to employees decrying Trump's behavior and warning that similar behavior from employees would not be tolerated.…

Column makes case for holding social media giants to account The UK's Information Commissioner Elizabeth Denham has fired another warning shot at Facebook over its paused plans to share data with WhatsApp, writing a newspaper column in which she outlines her concerns.…

So you won’t be able to, you know, mock Mariano Rajoy like this… Pics Spain's ruling Popular Party has proposed banning internet memes. No word of a lie.…

Mmmm, soft, tactile, sensuous fabric… wait, why is your head on fire? Google's new Daydream View VR is knocking out users' phones. Early adopters using the headset with Google's new Pixel phones have told El Reg that the phone shuts down within minutes because of thermal issues.…

Three straight quarters of bottom line swelling. Looks and smells like a recovery. Sort of 2016 will forever be remembered for the Brexit vote, the Donald's presidential victory and maybe, just maybe, the year that Acer's bottom line recovery started in earnest. OK, the last one is a long shot.…

Fluffy tree-dwellers carry ancient disease, say boffins Blighty's dwindling population of red squirrels is riddled with leprosy, according to new research.…

IDTechX report takes a swipe at other analysts' 'hype bubble' The Internet of Things is mostly a hype bubble, with real-world spending and deployments being just a fraction of their predicted level, according to a report by analysts IDTechEx.…

Embedded bugs are hard to catch Radbot Every company has its ups and downs. Those downs could be exploding phones or a sudden unmovable overstock of Clinton merchandise (or conversely an uptick in Trump-the-statesman t-shirt demand). Bigger organisations can better absorb the illness of a member of staff or a surge in demand beyond all expectations, although no one is totally immune.…

Senior economic adviser to president-elect says rate to be cut to 15-20 per cent Despite plans by president-elect Donald Trump to repatriate American multinationals' funds, Ireland's corporate tax advantage over the US is likely to persist.…

GCHQ, MI5 and MI6 offer 'alternative to university' GCHQ, MI5 and MI6 are searching for would-be Qs, technically minded apprentices keen to cut their teeth working for British intelligence. Would-be tech quartermasters have until 14 November to get in their security service apprenticeship applications for this year's scheme.…

Following a proven and successful model... er, hang on London's Metropolitan Police is set to copy the UK government's cockup-ridden digital services framework by developing its own, according to a contract published, for some reason, on the Welsh government website.…

But no formal announcement on wedding "No comment" is what SimpliVity usually says to questions about a rumoured takeover by HPE (it's what HPE says too).…

IoT blamed. Again. At least five Russian banks weathered days-long DDoS attacks this week.…

Chinese teams kill Safari, laugh at four-second Flash hack Power of Community The Google Pixel fell to a team of Chinese hackers alongside Apple Safari and Adobe Flash at the PwnFest hacking competition in Seoul on Friday.…

And, allegedly, he was only harassing bloody lawyers too The managing director of software firm Gravy Solutions represented himself at a case management hearing on Thursday morning, where he stands accused of harassing staff members of solicitors' firm Kemp Little.…

Enjoy the world’s biggest DevOps online event, alongside experts, live. Promo It’s one thing logging onto a 15 hour online event covering the world of DevOps. It’s quite another watching it live in the comfortable offices of one of the main sponsors with complimentary food and drinks from morning until evening. Plus happy hour.…

No chance of making people on the web less horrible, though Chrome Dev Summit At SFJazz – the first freestanding jazz arts center in the US – on Thursday in San Francisco, Google riffed on the virtues of Progressive Web Apps as a vehicle for efficient and engaging content delivery.…

Just imagine if virgins came flat-packed too Something for the Weekend, Sir? This week, I have been worried about getting it to stand up.…

PostIt notes down for the big communications face-off The early days of the internet provided ways to chat, bicker and "collaborate" with others in the world, and decades later we're still working on making that experience better.…

Tech bosses endorse thin clients, throw hands in the air over millennials Register Roundtable Sometimes technology visions bubble along under the radar, quite often scorned then, following a change of name or emphasis, ubiquitous. Utility computing became the cloud, and we know how that’s taken off. Groupware became collaboration. Thin clients have morphed into VDI, and… Well, seems like a good time to get a bunch of CIOs together and thrash out just what’s going on here.…

Cyber-crooner tries to prove code can be creative too Feature AI are often seen as cold, calculating machines, devoid of any warmth or humanity. One way to make AI more relatable and human-like could be encouraging them to take part in human activities like making music.…

Ad monster whines to EC about antitrust probe into Android Google has responded to the European Commission's complaint that it is abusing its market power with the Android mobile phone operating system by griping that Microsoft and Apple are worse.…

AI will improve UK government's digital services, apparently The UK government is looking at ways to revamp its digital services with the help of machine learning and AI, according to a new report released by the Government Office for Science.…

Korean chap finds flaws in moments, scores $100k apiece for fun Power of Community If Jung Hoon Lee is not the world's best hacker, he can't be far from the top of the dais: the 22 year-old South Korean better known as Lokihardt has an uncanny knack for finding zero-day exploits in the world's most popular and most secure systems.…

Off-the-shelf service absorbs improbable quantity of our cash A webpage form on the UK Ministry of Defence’s GEMS employee suggestion website cost taxpayers nearly £280,000.…

And ship the engines to Turkey for overhauls and upgrades Britain will have to send its supersonic F-35 fighter jets to Italy for heavy overhauls, the UK Ministry of Defence has confirmed to The Register.…

Four-hour round trips averted by just pretending email had reached its destination On-Call Welcome again to On-Call, our week-ending wander through readers' tales of horrible problems they've been asked to fix at horrible times.…

LinkedIn says regulator sent letter to the wrong office Russia looks to be on the verge of blocking access to LinkedIn because it claims the site isn't complying with its law requiring Russians' personal data to be stored on Russian soil.…

Redmond's new security bulletin feed aims to stop cut and paste data dredging Microsoft's replaced its eyeball-friendly Security Bulletins page with a new Security Updates Guide that pipes out machine-readable bug data over a RESTful interface.…

We know, we know, we didn't predict this one, either Comment As we reported today, Mellanox announced today it has broken through the 200Gb/sec barrier. We're told it will ship an end-to-end 200Gb/s interconnect solution in the first half of 2017.…

One title was known to have been bought by suspect in murder of MP Jo Cox Prominent British bookseller W H Smith voluntarily shut its website for emergency "maintenance" last night after being warned by The Register that it was selling a a range of DIY terror manuals – such as the Improvised Munitions Handbook that offer procedures for making bombs and explosive booby-traps.…

Russians – of course – blamed With half of America celebrating the victory of the Republicans and President-elect Trump, and the other half mourning the result, a targeted phishing campaign engulfed various US think tanks and NGOs the week.…