Lowering the Bar

Early Bird Foods is not the first company to think it would be amusing to name an oats-based product "Haulin' Oats," so it should have known that doing this would be problematic. One of their less-well-known marks As Rolling Stone... Related StoriesVarious Plaintiffs v. Various DefendantsWhom the Gods Would Destroy, They First Make MadGood Reason to Kill #50: Would Not Buy a Hat

No new posts today (except this one, of course) or tomorrow, because to your likely shock and amazement I am actually arguing a case tomorrow before the California Supreme Court. And no, the case is not in any way comical.... Related StoriesCaption Contest ResultsCaption Contest!Is Your Local Courthouse Infested With Bats?

Lots of great suggestions for the caption contest, but I'm going to go with this one: "The Department is extremely grateful to this Bozo for coming forward and identifying the 29 other people in his vehicle at the time of... Related StoriesCaption Contest!Is Your Local Courthouse Infested With Bats?Nude Citizens Make Nude Citizens' Arrest of Nude Citizen

You might not be able to name the Secretary of the Treasury, but you probably know it isn't "Moe Money." Nor does the United States have a cabinet-level officer, or one at any level, actually, whose title is "Proprietor of... Related StoriesNobody Move! This Is a Film ProjectNOTE: Trying to Blow Up an ATM Could BackfireWhat Does a Security-Camera Thief Look Like?

Haven't done this before, but let's give it a try: best reader-submitted caption for this recent news photo gets a free book. Oh, the free book will be a copy of The Emergency Sasquatch Ordinance, in case that affects (in... Related StoriesIs Your Local Courthouse Infested With Bats?Nude Citizens Make Nude Citizens' Arrest of Nude CitizenMom Calls C-SPAN Show to Tell Her Sons to Get Along

The claim isn't that her attraction to him is only physical—he doesn't get conjugal visits anyway. It's that she only wants to marry him because she literally wants his body, so she can charge people to look at it after... Related StoriesAggravated Pimpin' Ain't EasyJury Finds for Rick Springfield in Buttocks-Assault CaseFrozen Guru Update

I'm glad to see that The Smoking Gun's records are consistent with mine—we agree that this was the third known arrest for driving a Zamboni while intoxicated. I have a total of four Zamboni crimes, but one of them did... Related StoriesRide Something Dangerous Down a Hill TodayKirby Delauter, Sherbert DeluderSheriff: We Need Armored Vehicles to Intimidate People

It's probably easier, though, if you are the head of the International Monetary Fund. In what seems like a very French sort of case, Dominique Strauss-Kahn and 13 other people are on trial for allegedly organizing—well, not surprisingly, what they're... Related StoriesS.F. Cops Arrest Public Defender for Publicly DefendingPolice: Suspect Is White Male, Average Height & Build, Has Mouth, Two EyesAgain, Accused Taggers Should Reconsider Tagging the Courthouse

My source just happened across this and has no further details. No further details required, really. Whether this is how the defendant was known in the community, or just what the court clerks called him, is impossible to say. But... Related StoriesS.F. Cops Arrest Public Defender for Publicly DefendingCan I Use the Carpool Lane If I Have a Prisoner?Police: Suspect Is White Male, Average Height & Build, Has Mouth, Two Eyes

"Few statutes have proven as enigmatic as 18 U.S.C. § 924(c)," says the Tenth Circuit to kick off its opinion in United States v. Rentz. Hard to see what it's complaining about: (c) (1) (A) Except to the extent that... Related StoriesMUGABE SPOKESMAN: Even Jesus Would Have TrippedCan a Convicted Felon Serve in Congress?Pet Piercing Will Soon Be Illegal in New York

"Hey, guys, I think the judge is starting to lose patience with all the discovery disputes in this case." "Why do you say that?" Via Overlawyered, ABA Journal. Related StoriesTom & Jerry Go to CourtObjection: AnnoyingHarvard Grad Threatens Legal Action Over $4 Charge

After a month or so of consideration (although the holidays intervened, so probably more like a day), a Texas judge has ruled that Robert Oswald has the right to get his brother's coffin back. See "Who Owns Lee Harvey Oswald's...