Lowering the Bar

It still hasn't caught any terrorists, but it has managed to root out a conspiracy of gropers (maybe sub-conspiracy is a better term) within its own ranks, according to this report. After another employee reported that a screener at Denver... Related StoriesChillin' With a Owl: FollowupProgress on the Police-Filming FrontProsecutor Declines to Prosecute Himself

Although it is surprisingly difficult to find solid news reporting out of Zambia, several different sources including AFP have reported that the country's Director of Public Prosecutions decided recently to drop nine corruption charges pending against a highly placed official,... Related StoriesSufficiently Notorious Convicted Felon Identified?Texas Bill Would Make It Illegal for You to Film a Cop Beating YouThe Most Interesting Carpool-Lane Ruse in the World

I was pleased to see that far more respectable personage Prof. Eugene Volokh also noticed and commented yesterday on Justice Kagan's use of "way" as an adverb in the Omnicare case. (I mentioned it at the end of this post.)... Related StoriesCourt: Obligation to Make Sense May Not Be Delegated to ClientMinor Wordfoolery in Today's Supreme Court OpinionTenth Circuit Forced to Diagram Congressional Sentence

I don't much like DHS, and I really don't like TSA, but I'm cool with DHSOIG because it seems to be genuinely trying to get TSA to shape up, even if TSA just ignores it. That's the DHS Office of...

According to reports today, 33-year-old Rep. Aaron Schock's sudden decision to resign will not end federal investigations into his alleged misuse of campaign funds. Schock, seen above either speaking to young supporters or appearing in an episode of How I... Related StoriesJudge Caught Driving Defendant's Car Says He Was "Just Looking After It"Accused Fraudster Strapped His Ankle Bracelet to a RobotTwo More Drunk-Driving Excuses to Cross Off the List

The original headline, "Arkansas Judge Mauled by Family's Pet Zebra," was pretty good and has a nice rhythm to it, but I thought it was important to be clear that the zebra-owning family was his own. This wasn't just a... Related StoriesJudge Wanted: Must Be Able to Read, Tell TimeAnother Zamboni DUIRide Something Dangerous Down a Hill Today

A review of my Bad Disguises category reveals that I haven't been very consistent about numbering these. Although in my defense, when I started doing that I had not contemplated that more than one person would, for example, wrap his...

The government is using the word "contraption," and that is probably more accurate but "robot" made the headline funnier. I don't know why. That's just how this works sometimes. As I mentioned the other day, Paul Ceglia, who previously demanded... Related StoriesFeds Say They Have Accused Fraudster's Ankle Bracelet in CustodyTwo More Drunk-Driving Excuses to Cross Off the ListHeiress Sentenced to One Year on Nut-Rage Charges

"An amusing order," said Matt, who sent me this. Matt, you had me at "Living Soul Chief Asan Manuel Mustafah Fearce W. Yahzoo." This comes to us from the Northern District of West Virginia, where yesterday a judge dismissed a... Related StoriesGuy Sues Legal System AgainIt's Only a Flesh Wound"Haulin' Oats"? No Can Do

Early Bird Foods is not the first company to think it would be amusing to name an oats-based product "Haulin' Oats," so it should have known that doing this would be problematic. One of their less-well-known marks As Rolling Stone... Related StoriesVarious Plaintiffs v. Various DefendantsWhom the Gods Would Destroy, They First Make MadGood Reason to Kill #50: Would Not Buy a Hat

No new posts today (except this one, of course) or tomorrow, because to your likely shock and amazement I am actually arguing a case tomorrow before the California Supreme Court. And no, the case is not in any way comical.... Related StoriesCaption Contest ResultsCaption Contest!Is Your Local Courthouse Infested With Bats?

Lots of great suggestions for the caption contest, but I'm going to go with this one: "The Department is extremely grateful to this Bozo for coming forward and identifying the 29 other people in his vehicle at the time of... Related StoriesCaption Contest!Is Your Local Courthouse Infested With Bats?Nude Citizens Make Nude Citizens' Arrest of Nude Citizen

You might not be able to name the Secretary of the Treasury, but you probably know it isn't "Moe Money." Nor does the United States have a cabinet-level officer, or one at any level, actually, whose title is "Proprietor of... Related StoriesNobody Move! This Is a Film ProjectNOTE: Trying to Blow Up an ATM Could BackfireWhat Does a Security-Camera Thief Look Like?

Haven't done this before, but let's give it a try: best reader-submitted caption for this recent news photo gets a free book. Oh, the free book will be a copy of The Emergency Sasquatch Ordinance, in case that affects (in... Related StoriesIs Your Local Courthouse Infested With Bats?Nude Citizens Make Nude Citizens' Arrest of Nude CitizenMom Calls C-SPAN Show to Tell Her Sons to Get Along

The claim isn't that her attraction to him is only physical—he doesn't get conjugal visits anyway. It's that she only wants to marry him because she literally wants his body, so she can charge people to look at it after... Related StoriesAggravated Pimpin' Ain't EasyJury Finds for Rick Springfield in Buttocks-Assault CaseFrozen Guru Update

I'm glad to see that The Smoking Gun's records are consistent with mine—we agree that this was the third known arrest for driving a Zamboni while intoxicated. I have a total of four Zamboni crimes, but one of them did... Related StoriesRide Something Dangerous Down a Hill TodayKirby Delauter, Sherbert DeluderSheriff: We Need Armored Vehicles to Intimidate People

It's probably easier, though, if you are the head of the International Monetary Fund. In what seems like a very French sort of case, Dominique Strauss-Kahn and 13 other people are on trial for allegedly organizing—well, not surprisingly, what they're... Related StoriesS.F. Cops Arrest Public Defender for Publicly DefendingPolice: Suspect Is White Male, Average Height & Build, Has Mouth, Two EyesAgain, Accused Taggers Should Reconsider Tagging the Courthouse

My source just happened across this and has no further details. No further details required, really. Whether this is how the defendant was known in the community, or just what the court clerks called him, is impossible to say. But... Related StoriesS.F. Cops Arrest Public Defender for Publicly DefendingCan I Use the Carpool Lane If I Have a Prisoner?Police: Suspect Is White Male, Average Height & Build, Has Mouth, Two Eyes

"Few statutes have proven as enigmatic as 18 U.S.C. § 924(c)," says the Tenth Circuit to kick off its opinion in United States v. Rentz. Hard to see what it's complaining about: (c) (1) (A) Except to the extent that... Related StoriesMUGABE SPOKESMAN: Even Jesus Would Have TrippedCan a Convicted Felon Serve in Congress?Pet Piercing Will Soon Be Illegal in New York

"Hey, guys, I think the judge is starting to lose patience with all the discovery disputes in this case." "Why do you say that?" Via Overlawyered, ABA Journal. Related StoriesTom & Jerry Go to CourtObjection: AnnoyingHarvard Grad Threatens Legal Action Over $4 Charge

After a month or so of consideration (although the holidays intervened, so probably more like a day), a Texas judge has ruled that Robert Oswald has the right to get his brother's coffin back. See "Who Owns Lee Harvey Oswald's...