Lowering the Bar

As you can probably guess, they didn't get all of them. When it's ok for a masked man to steal your TV About a week ago (ars technica, Orange County Register), some of the officers who raided a medical-marijuana shop... Related StoriesJudge: Hulkster Limited at Trial to "One Plain Bandana"DEA Agent: If You Legalize Pot, Rabbits Will Get HighTwo More Drunk-Driving Excuses to Cross Off the List

Listen, I get it. A policy of throwing most offenders in high-security prisons is counterproductive and doesn't benefit anybody but the people who run prisons. Especially where drug offenses are concerned. That's my belief. And although we obviously need prisons,... Related StoriesTIP: He's Probably Not Going to Show Your Snake to His GirlfriendJudge Orders Defendant to Draw HimMan Says He Danced on Police Car's Roof to Summon Aid Against Vampires

Here's a nice item from the Crime Blotter in the Columbia, SC, Free Times (thanks, Dedman): Craigslist Bandit: Authorities are looking for a man who has been stealing items from people when he meets up with them via Craigslist. First... Related StoriesMan Says He Danced on Police Car's Roof to Summon Aid Against VampiresNorwegian Inmate Slowly Paddles to FreedomJudge Orders Defendant to Draw Him

Number of lawsuits filed during 2014 in the U.S. District Court in Tucson: 3,772. Number of those lawsuits filed by Dale Maisano: 2,995 (79.4 percent). Number of lawsuits Maisano has filed in the District of Tennessee: over 1,800. Most lawsuits... Related StoriesTrumpet While DrivingAssorted Stupidity #77Assorted Stupidity #76

Well, this seems to have happened in January but didn't receive the publicity it deserves until the WSJ's Law Blog covered it recently. Obviously I need better sources in Prairieville, Louisiana. That's the home of the Dobra family, whose youngest... Related Stories"Game of Thrones" Fan Demands Trial by CombatDanny Trejo Does a Lawyer AdEric Holder Begins New Career in Comedy

Seriously, I'm already way behind on other stuff—could the TSA stop doing stupid $&*# for maybe 48 hours? Is that possible? Today's report (thanks, Erika) is that thousands of passengers were delayed for hours at Hobby Airport in Houston, many... Related StoriesNew TSA Administrator to Explain How Agency Will Fail Differently From Now OnTSA Can Improve Aviation Worker VettingI Should Stress That TSA Detected Well Over Four Percent of The Fake Threats

"Approve of the meat industry and you approve of Auschwitz. There is no difference." Here's something else the new TSA administrator needs to prioritize: the investigation into the recent alleged groping of Morrissey's junk at San Francisco International Airport. On... Related StoriesEric Holder Begins New Career in ComedyI Should Stress That TSA Detected Well Over Four Percent of The Fake ThreatsNew TSA Administrator Explains, Part II

Update: I did watch the rest of the hearing yesterday (see "New TSA Administrator to Explain How Agency Will Fail Differently From Now On" (July 29)), although to be honest I just sort of listened to it in the background... Related StoriesNew TSA Administrator to Explain How Agency Will Fail Differently From Now OnEric Holder Begins New Career in ComedyLegislator Admits Voting While Under Influence of Facebook

Good news, you guys—the TSA finally has a new administrator, a man who is said to be a smart and capable leader who should be able to develop new and creative ways in which the agency will fail. Vice-Admiral Peter... Related StoriesTSA Can Improve Aviation Worker VettingI Should Stress That TSA Detected Well Over Four Percent of The Fake ThreatsTown Says It Will Prosecute Official Who Did Something Useful

According to the BBC (thanks, James), a judge in Northern Ireland has agreed to give a 16-year-old "one last chance" after the boy failed a drug test that showed he had (gasp!) consumed cannabis. After the boy's solicitor argued that... Related StoriesMan Says He Danced on Police Car's Roof to Summon Aid Against VampiresU.S. Government: Lasers are EvilNaked Rambler Loses Another Appeal

As always when I mention attorney advertising I'm only endorsing (or mocking) the ad itself, and don't have a position about whatever it's advertising. So having said that, I think Danny Trejo is awesome and that this is a pretty... Related StoriesA Bit of Parliamentary Jiggery-PokeryDefendant Pleads Guilty to Kicking an Owl While ParaglidingMUGABE SPOKESMAN: Even Jesus Would Have Tripped

It's illegal in Florida to harass or disturb a manatee, as it should be because the manatee is an endangered species, and as it must be because they can't defend themselves. Neither of those factors applies to alligators. So if... Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #76Assorted Stupidity #75Assorted Stupidity #74

It depends. This question is prompted by a paragraph in Randall Munroe's what if? post the other day entitled "What if New Horizons hit my car?" (in turn based on a question by Robin Sheat). The answer to that question... Related StoriesMan Ordered to Pay for Shooting Down Trespassing DroneJury Clears Mascot in Hot-Dog-Flinging CaseU.S. Government: Lasers are Evil

Here's how this goes sometimes. Sometimes you write something you really like. And since you're kind of on a roll you don't stop to save it after every frickin' paragraph because you'd like to think that maybe the wifi network... Related StoriesJudge Orders Defendant to Draw HimSome Judges Show Up for Jury Duty. Some Don't. And Some Lawyer Up.U.S. Government: Lasers are Evil

The Telegraph's report on this claimed it was the first known example of a government official using the Klingon language. I assume they meant "outside the Klingon Empire or Finland," but I quit reading once my tracker-blocking software hit 59.... Related StoriesEric Holder Begins New Career in ComedyA Bit of Parliamentary Jiggery-PokeryLegislator Admits Voting While Under Influence of Facebook

Those of you wondering what Eric Holder would do now that he's no longer the Attorney General, wonder no more. He's apparently decided to do stand-up. Holder has always been sort of a card, as you probably recall. I personally... Related StoriesI Should Stress That TSA Detected Well Over Four Percent of The Fake ThreatsKlingon Used in Official CorrespondenceMan Ordered to Pay for Shooting Down Trespassing Drone

The Hulkster also shall not be referred to as "Hulkster," or even "Hulk Hogan," Judge Pamela Campbell ruled last week. Instead, the plaintiff shall be referred to by his real name, Terry Gene Bollea, during the trial of his case... Related StoriesAggravated Pimpin' Ain't EasyDonald Trump Sued ScotlandSpider-Man Clings to Wall of Supreme Court

It might be easier at this point to compile a list of those Donald Trump hasn't sued, but in this Daily Beast article ("Donald Trump Sued Everyone but His Hairdresser"), Olivia Nuzzi has put together an impressive partial list of... Related StoriesGuy Who Sued Country for Bad Weather Declared a "Quarrelsome Litigant"Judge: Hulkster Limited at Trial to "One Plain Bandana"Spider-Man Clings to Wall of Supreme Court

Another possible source for Justice Scalia's vocabulary choices (see "The Argle-Bargle Over This Jiggery-Pokery Is Pure Applesauce" (June 25) might be the House of Commons. Reader Chris C. noticed this example on YouTube: "Jiggery-pokery" is deployed about 37 seconds in,... Related StoriesKlingon Used in Official CorrespondenceLegislator Admits Voting While Under Influence of FacebookDefendant Pleads Guilty to Kicking an Owl While Paragliding

Many of you will be outside this weekend, so a little drone advice seems timely. Or maybe it's shotgun advice. Take your pick. Ars Technica reported recently that a drone operator in California had prevailed in a legal dispute with... Related StoriesJudge Criticizes "Behemoth Pleadings"Some Judges Show Up for Jury Duty. Some Don't. And Some Lawyer Up.The Continuing Argle-Bargle

"Some" is probably the wrong word in that last sentence, because I'd be surprised if this has ever happened before. But it did happen recently in the federal District of Kansas, according to this order by Judge Eric Melgren (thanks,... Related StoriesHarvard Grad Threatens Legal Action Over $4 ChargeDressing Like a Prisoner Could Get You Out of Jury Duty, One Way or AnotherCriminal-Defense Attorney May Be Criminal Defense Attorney

In last week's opinion in Obergefell v. Hodges, the U.S. Supreme Court again broke new ground and has taken an action that will be debated for years to come. It finally used the word "huh?" in an opinion. This of... Related StoriesCourt: Obligation to Make Sense May Not Be Delegated to ClientMan Ordered to Pay for Shooting Down Trespassing DroneSpider-Man Clings to Wall of Supreme Court

On Monday, the Supreme Court held in Kimble v. Marvel Entertainment that a patent holder can't charge royalties for using an invention after the patent term expires. More accurately, it established that rule in a 1964 case, and held Monday... Related StoriesThe Continuing Argle-BargleThe Argle-Bargle Over This Jiggery-Pokery Is Pure ApplesauceLed Zeppelin Admits "Exceptional Talent," Denies All Other Allegations

My friend Tim, who loves baseball and whose LinkedIn picture shows him pointing to an alligator, reports that a second jury has found the Kansas City Royals and their mascot Sluggerrr not liable for Sluggerrr hitting a fan in the... Related StoriesUtah Court Says Woman Can Sue HerselfAfter Bar Fight, Cubs Are Fed Up with Unofficial MascotThings Not to Say to Employees #1-5

We don't know whether the victim in this case was arguing for or against the value of higher education, but I will go ahead and speculate that it was the former. Not that I think more education makes people less... Related StoriesGood Reason to Kill #55: Dissed Your SmartphoneGood Reason to Kill #54: Was Eating All the SalsaGood Reason to Kill #17.1: Lost at Beer Pong

Still frozen. Your next Frozen Guru Update will be in December, or sooner if he thaws out. Oh, look, Mr. (or Ms.) I Don't Remember Which Frozen Guru This Is Referring To has clicked for more details. Okay, let me... Related StoriesPlease Read This Before Bombing New MexicoCalifornia Town Calls for Ban on Space WeaponsLed Zeppelin Admits "Exceptional Talent," Denies All Other Allegations

No California Republican has voted in favor of a state budget proposal in years, so it was a little startling when one did on Monday. He may have been the most startled of all, because he wasn't really paying attention,... Related StoriesTenth Circuit Forced to Diagram Congressional SentenceCalifornia Town Calls for Ban on Space WeaponsCourt Holds Wedding Ring Is Not a "Weapon"

There are of course many towns that have declared themselves "nuclear-free zones," but Richmond, California, is the first one (to my knowledge) that has taken the time to call for a ban on space weapons. A minor disturbance in Richmond... Related StoriesWhereas, South Florida Should Become the 51st StateThe Octopus: Honorary Vertebrate?Judge Rules Man Fathered Only One Twin

Bring a toothbrush (Dana Gray/Caledonian Record) As a judge in Vermont warned this potential (but presumably unwilling) juror, doing this could get you a little jail time for contempt of court. That would most likely get you out of jury... Related StoriesPotential Juror's Hardship Excuse: I Am Having a Heart Attack. Judge: It Can Wait

Here's one: Over dinner, CEO [redacted] directed an unwelcomed "joke" to Ms. [redacted]: "Would you rather have your female genitalia on your hand so everyone could see it, or would you rather your husband have his male genitalia on his... Related StoriesI Should Stress That TSA Detected Well Over Four Percent of The Fake ThreatsLed Zeppelin Admits "Exceptional Talent," Denies All Other AllegationsPlaintiff: Disney Promised to Help Me Build an X-Wing. Court: No It Didn't

You think? The headline of this post is also the slightly understated title of this DHS Inspector General report, which notes that TSA failed to block someone on the terrorist watchlist from getting a job at an airport. And by... Related StoriesI Should Stress That TSA Detected Well Over Four Percent of The Fake ThreatsOther Things to Read!Okay, Who's Gonna Go Argue That the Nun Threatened National Security?

The headline is "Rockland man attempts to seal court documents in domestic assault case," but the lesson is "think carefully before asking your mom to drive you to court." I'm just speculating that's what happened here, but I can't think... Related StoriesUPDATES!Other Things to Read!Behold

It's made with bits of real terrorist Was I being too negative the other day when I said that the TSA failed security tests 95.7% of the time? I should acknowledge that this was a 4.3% success rate. In other... Related StoriesDefendants Settle With Student Arrested for Possessing Arabic FlashcardsTSA Saves Public From Air Pirates!Other Things to Read!

Quite a few developments lately in stories I have previously mentioned. These all deserve more words than they're getting below, but it's hard enough to keep up with the new material. The man who was charged in February with driving... Related StoriesMOM! I'm Representing Myself, Okay?! God!Other Things to Read!Behold

You barbarians out there who aren't hyphenating compound adjectives should take note: sometimes it makes a difference. The San Francisco Chronicle reported last week on what it called an "unusual twist" in the trial of a man charged with fraud:... Related StoriesOkay, Who's Gonna Go Argue That the Nun Threatened National Security?Judge Caught Driving Defendant's Car Says He Was "Just Looking After It"Is It Still Robbery If You Just Ask Nicely?

Let's say you walk into a bank, go up to a teller and say something like, "Hi, I was just passing by your bank and thought I'd stop in and see if you'd be willing to give me some money.... Related StoriesDead Guy Sentenced to Six Months (Suspended)Okay, Who's Gonna Go Argue That the Nun Threatened National Security?Police Report Says 12-Year-Old's Crime Was "Abated by Death" (After They Shot Him)

Woe unto you, lawyers! for ye have taken away the key of knowledge: ye entered not in yourselves, and them that were entering in ye hindered. Luke 11:52 (KJV) Well, the Lord's lawsuit against all similarly situated homosexuals lasted just... Related StoriesGod Files Class Action Against Gay PeopleSauron's Ring Makes Brains DisappearExpert: Invitation to Child's Party Not Enforceable

I know exactly what you're thinking—one god isn't enough gods for a class action. That makes no sense at all! And even if there were more than one, how likely is it that they would be similarly situated so that... Related StoriesJury Finds for Rick Springfield in Buttocks-Assault CaseExpert: Invitation to Child's Party Not EnforceableUPDATE: Rick Springfield's Butt Will Face Retrial

The Associated Press reported last week that a Greek court had convicted a 46-year-old man of stealing electricity, although at the time of trial he had been dead for a couple of weeks. Normally, being dead is a pretty good... Related StoriesDEA Agent: If You Legalize Pot, Rabbits Will Get High"Crybaby Killer" Who Tortured Victims With Parrot Gets 40 YearsDefendant Pleads Guilty to Kicking an Owl While Paragliding

Amazingly, this is not from an episode of South Park, but rather is actual testimony from a DEA agent before the Utah Senate in February. (Washington Post) At the time, Utah was considering a bill to legalize the medical use... Related Stories"Crybaby Killer" Who Tortured Victims With Parrot Gets 40 YearsGroping Conspiracy Thwarted, TSA ClaimsPlaintiff: Disney Promised to Help Me Build an X-Wing. Court: No It Didn't

What's your favorite government program? Mine's the one where the government takes your truck without asking, uses it in a drug sting, botches the operation, refuses to pay for the damage caused by drug dealers filling it (and your driver)... Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #74Assorted Stupidity #73Assorted Stupidity #72