Lowering the Bar

No real surprises here, at least for readers of Frozen Guru Updates I-III. Related StoriesYour Behaviour Is That of a Lunatic, Your HonorFrench Town That Banned UFOs Is Still Banning ThemMan Who Shot Mother-in-Law Says He Was Aiming at an Armadillo

They don't get along very well together. Related StoriesDo Not Walk Your Dog WHILE DRIVINGBill Would Protect Climate-Change Deniers From DiscriminationLawyer's Pants Catch Fire During Closing Argument

The title is great, and the kitten is cute. If only that were enough to win an argument over jurisdiction. Related StoriesGood News: The “Motion to Spread Death” Was DeniedWait—Which One of You Was Injured Again?Banks Sued Over “Craptacular” Loan Practices

Probably not the last time this issue will come up. Related StoriesCourt Says Police Need to Make Time for “This Constitutional Bullshit”What Is Treason?Guy Who Got a C on Constitutional-Amendment Paper GETS CONSTITUTION AMENDED

Mocking them would still be protected by the First Amendment, though. Related Stories“Crafty Science” and the LawBill Would Provide Immunity for Accidentally Running Over Protesters2016 Ig Nobel Prizes Awarded

I told you that first one would not be the last. Related StoriesRiver Declared a PersonIdaho May Legalize Dachshund RacingBill Urges Texans to Use Correct Flag Emoji

It is the first, but will not be the last, to get legal-person status. Related StoriesTwo More Rivers Declared PersonsIdaho May Legalize Dachshund RacingBill Urges Texans to Use Correct Flag Emoji

They are considering changing that to an A, which seems appropriate. Related StoriesIs the President Immune From Civil Lawsuits?More on the Quest of King AllanLawyer Who Wrote Torture Memos Has “Grave Concerns” About Trump

If you need it, that is. And they needed it here. Related StoriesJudge Richard Posner: Cat PersonDesirable It Is That You Luxuriate in the Octopoid Embrace of These Legal PostulationsI'll Show You a Run-On Sentence

Cats do funny things. Sometimes in judicial opinions. Related StoriesThe Oxford Comma: Use ItDesirable It Is That You Luxuriate in the Octopoid Embrace of These Legal PostulationsI'll Show You a Run-On Sentence

"I am sorry to tell you that I am convinced you have lost your mind." Related StoriesDesirable It Is That You Luxuriate in the Octopoid Embrace of These Legal PostulationsFrozen Guru Update IIILord Hanuman Gets Another Court Summons

It's not clear exactly what he was saying when the fire broke out, but this probably didn't improve his credibility. Related StoriesFollow the Chicken, Dramatized

The Swiss federal tribunal rejected his argument that he acted in self-defense. Related StoriesIdaho May Legalize Dachshund RacingDefendants: “We Never Had a Pet Squirrel”Battle of the Joes Is Back On

It may or may not be illegal at the moment, but you can't be too careful. Related StoriesGovernors Veto Official-Bible BillsCow-Threatener's Conviction AffirmedBill Urges Texans to Use Correct Flag Emoji

None of which makes success look more likely. Related StoriesTree Not ArrestedWay Less Than You Need to Know About the Civil- and Common-Law SystemsGarland Claims Longest-Wait Record from Brandeis

Or at least he's planning to. Is there a direct flight from Denver to Gondor? That'd be helpful. Related Stories“Drive” Litigation Still Running, SomehowSolicitor Sues Oxford for Negligent TeachingMan Who Shot Mother-in-Law Says He Was Aiming at an Armadillo

The ninth in this occasional series. Related StoriesPond Ruins Yet Another GetawayIs It Illegal to Make Your Spouse Ride on the Roof of the Car?Is an Alligator a “Deadly Weapon”?

These motions are sometimes granted, but it's not as scary as you might think. Related StoriesWait—Which One of You Was Injured Again?Banks Sued Over “Craptacular” Loan PracticesSolicitor Sues Oxford for Negligent Teaching

Don't worry, though—they screened them after they landed at their destination. Related StoriesLawyer Who Wrote Torture Memos Has “Grave Concerns” About TrumpAdministration Fails to Secure Its Own Conference RoomNational Guard Deployed to Seize One Marijuana Plant

Always check the back seat. Related StoriesPolice: Burglars Not Hard to Track in Snow“Spelling Bee Bandit” Arrested for String of RoberiesDoody Convicts Rectal Smuggler

There would be no criminal penalties for using the wrong one ... yet. Related StoriesBritish MP Demands Correct Pronoun for Royal YachtGovernors Veto Official-Bible BillsHR 1220: Urging Members to Stop Saying “Physical” Instead of “Fiscal”

Invigilate your eyes on the quintessence of this dispute. Related StoriesI'll Show You a Run-On SentenceFrozen Guru Update IIIHow to Write an Introduction (or How Not to)

Or smart enough to wait for spring. Related StoriesDoody Convicts Rectal SmugglerSuspect Steals Mortuary Van, Finds Body Inside, Returns Both“Spelling Bee Bandit” Arrested for String of Roberies

Her heroic actions prevented ... fun. Related StoriesALERT: There Are No Lawyers in the Kansas SenateFrench Town That Banned UFOs Is Still Banning ThemHow Do I Get a Reincarnation Permit?

The ticket lasted about the same length of time in court, once the judge got a look at it. Related StoriesSome AnnouncementsZamboni in the Drive-Thru: “Most Canadian Thing Ever”?Pants in the News

Proof that if you have enough opinions, sooner or later one of them will be right. Just statistically speaking. Related StoriesNational Guard Deployed to Seize One Marijuana PlantHow and Why to Delete Your Yahoo AccountWhat Is Treason?

They say this like it's a bad thing. Related StoriesUpdate: Neil Armstrong's Hair Is Still for SaleWhat's Up With the “Trump University” Lawsuits?

Did Bagley win Bagley v. Bagley? Yes!But also no.

Okay, so, you're Mary Jo, and you're Francine? Oh boy. Related StoriesBanks Sued Over “Craptacular” Loan PracticesSolicitor Sues Oxford for Negligent TeachingLord Hanuman Gets Another Court Summons

In the future an impenetrable wall will be erected around all such locations, although who will pay for that remains to be seen. Related StoriesNational Guard Deployed to Seize One Marijuana PlantHow and Why to Delete Your Yahoo AccountWhat Is Treason?

In this edition: be on the lookout for orange fingers; the difference between accidental and intentional; police piling on; and a victory for the rule of law (involving traffic cameras, but it's a start). Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #99Assorted Stupidity #98Assorted Stupidity #97

I hope you realize that's how HE spelled it. Related StoriesDoody Convicts Rectal SmugglerPond Ruins Yet Another GetawayMan Charged With Stealing 784,000 Quarters

To be honest I wouldn't give up that privilege either. Related Stories“Downton Abbey” Congressman's Indictment Is a HootAbout Those FoldersALERT: There Are No Lawyers in the Kansas Senate

Not recommended for beginners, but this guy got away with it, and well done. Related StoriesHow to Write an Introduction (or How Not to)Brief Argues Klingon Language Can't Be Copyrighted

It also has many words, and might help you or someone you know who has, for whatever reason, decided to take the NY bar. Related StoriesThe Tri-State Monkey Smuggle, and Other Stories

Let's apply the rational-basis test to this one. Related StoriesSeriously, Though: Nobody Has the Right to AppealCourt Says Police Need to Make Time for “This Constitutional Bullshit”National Guard Deployed to Seize One Marijuana Plant

At least he didn't delete any emails. (He actually said that.) Related StoriesAbout Those FoldersALERT: There Are No Lawyers in the Kansas SenateCriminal's Modus Operandi Probably Just Means He Can't Spell “Modus Operandi”

You know the ones. Related Stories“Downton Abbey” Congressman's Indictment Is a HootALERT: There Are No Lawyers in the Kansas SenateCongress Blames President for Law He Vetoed

I'm frankly not sure why I put "ALERT" in front of that, or why I'm leaving it there. In any event, for the first time ever, the Kansas Senate is lawyer-free. Related StoriesKansas Senator Says Temptresses Must Cover ThemselvesYou Know, Karl, There Have Also Been Criminals Named “Karl”“Downton Abbey” Congressman's Indictment Is a Hoot

So I’m working on some stuff about the Emoluments Clause, the anti-nepotism law, and property rights in space, and, I mean, all very interesting, of course, but sometimes you just want to quickly mention that a dude ended up in a... Related StoriesGood Reason to Kill #2: YahtzeeGood Reason to Kill #64: Threw Away Your Lego CollectionGood Reason to Kill #63: Golfing Too Slowly

Plaintiff thought there'd be more driving in the movie, you see, and less "slow paced, interpersonal drama." Related StoriesSolicitor Sues Oxford for Negligent TeachingMuseum Sued for Art Depicting Jesus as White

Also a $3 million watch, and his soul. Related StoriesUpdate: Neil Armstrong's Hair Is Still for SaleWhat's Up With the “Trump University” Lawsuits?

A blessedly short travel summary, a new book on the way, a presentation on January 30, and a few even more trivial things. Related StoriesZamboni in the Drive-Thru: “Most Canadian Thing Ever”?Pants in the NewsLowering the Bar Almost Makes Law360’s List of Top 5 Law Blogs

Or so they claim. But a jury may have to decide that. Related StoriesCat InsultedDachshund Racing Declared Illegal in IdahoIs an Alligator a “Deadly Weapon”?

Wow, what a ridiculous year. Related StoriesZamboni in the Drive-Thru: “Most Canadian Thing Ever”?Pants in the NewsLowering the Bar Almost Makes Law360’s List of Top 5 Law Blogs

In this edition: how to get stuck in a hay bale and live, driving under the influence of caffeine, some stuff about robberies, and a teensy border conflict ends peacefully. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #98Assorted Stupidity #97Assorted Stupidity #96

Also craptacular: their email practices. Related StoriesSolicitor Sues Oxford for Negligent TeachingLord Hanuman Gets Another Court Summons

With a brief digression into the story of Christmas. Sort of. Related StoriesTop Ten Posts of 2016Doody Convicts Rectal SmugglerJustice Done in Canada With Convictions in Maple-Syrup Heist

This picture is probably enough here, but there are some additional words inside. Related StoriesFrench Town That Banned UFOs Is Still Banning ThemCat InsultedCourt Rules Donald Isn't a Fascist

Fourteen people got at least one vote for either president or vice-president. I think. Related StoriesLawyer Indicted for Impersonating a Judge Is Elected to Be Real JudgeThe Worst Presidential Race in American HistoryWhat's Up With the “Trump University” Lawsuits?