Lowering the Bar

Under current law this is not a requirement. Related StoriesKansas Bill Would Require Governors to Be HumanALERT: There Are No Lawyers in the Kansas SenateThat Includes You, Sticky

In which a Texas legislator explains why some of her colleagues got cussed out a while ago. Related StoriesKansas Bill Would Require Governor to Be an Adult HumanKansas Bill Would Require Governors to Be HumanMore Details (and Questions) About Mini-Nebraska

This justice in particular. Related StoriesThe Declaration of IndependenceThe First U.S. Supreme Court DecisionDueling Still Not Advisable in Oregon

His long-term strategy is frankly unclear. Related StoriesSuspect Who Asks About His “Other Murder Case” Is Charged With That One, TooSuspect Steals Mortuary Van, Finds Body Inside, Returns BothPolice: Burglars Not Hard to Track in Snow

In which I revisit stupid disputes of the past and ask, how did that stupid dispute ever come out, anyway? Then I answer my own question. Related StoriesBad Places to Hide: Atlantic OceanSome AnnouncementsZamboni in the Drive-Thru: “Most Canadian Thing Ever”?

"Hm, well, I don't see anything else on the docket, but I imagine the detectives here would be happy to look into it." Related StoriesSuspect's “Toilet Strike” Enters Third WeekSuspect Steals Mortuary Van, Finds Body Inside, Returns BothPolice: Burglars Not Hard to Track in Snow

It wasn't. Related StoriesIndicted DA Tries to Prevent Adverse Testimony by Marrying WitnessEscape Charge Dismissed Because State Didn't Prove Prison's LocationMan Upset With $190 Ticket for Having His Snake Off Leash

I'd shame my cat by pointing out that Grumpy Cat's net worth is much higher than hers, but then she could say the same thing about me. Related StoriesMonkey-Selfie Case SettlesLawyers Sit Motionless in Worst Music Video EverCat Insulted

In which you may also vote to select (or propose) a name for ... whatever it is. Related StoriesNebraska Legislator Proposes Creation of Mini-NebraskaMichigan Set to Legalize Year-Round Frog-SpearingCongratulations, Lady Who Shut Down Dance by Citing Obscure Law

It could be populated by up to 360 mini-Nebraskans. Related StoriesMore Details (and Questions) About Mini-NebraskaOh, Good, Another “Official State Bible” LawAmicus Brief Cites Ferris Bueller to Great Effect

Seems like there's something in the Constitution on this. Maybe one of those amendments? Related StoriesNebraska Legislator Proposes Creation of Mini-NebraskaAmicus Brief Cites Ferris Bueller to Great EffectHeroic Legislator Defends Right to Public Swearing

Did I enjoy searching a Supreme Court transcript for the word "Ferris"? I did. Related StoriesNebraska Legislator Proposes Creation of Mini-NebraskaOh, Good, Another “Official State Bible” LawHeroic Legislator Defends Right to Public Swearing

Are extensive and almost certainly unenforceable. Related StoriesMugabe Spokesman: “The President Was Simply Resting His Eyes”Heroic Legislator Defends Right to Public SwearingPriority: Crocodiles

No spoilers, but the top post of the year involved fire, pants, and a defense lawyer.

In this edition: lots of things. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #108Assorted Stupidity #107Assorted Stupidity #106

Which part of "vote for only one" did this person not understand? Related StoriesHeroic Legislator Defends Right to Public SwearingNo, You Don't Have to Swear an Oath to Hold Public OfficeInsufficient-Burping Defense Fails to Defeat DUI Charge

It's a *#*&@^ stupid law. Related StoriesMr. Trump's DemandsControl of Virginia House May Be Determined by Selection From Bowler HatNo, You Don't Have to Swear an Oath to Hold Public Office

"I came from nothing. Now I'm rich. I'm in it for vengeance." Related StoriesLawyer Music Video Asks You Not to Call It “Velcro”Lawyers Sit Motionless in Worst Music Video EverDo Not Walk Your Dog WHILE DRIVING

Did you not know that? *awkward silence* Related StoriesControl of Virginia House May Be Determined by Selection From Bowler HatHeroic Legislator Defends Right to Public SwearingSupreme Court Won't Hear Louisiana Spouse-Swapping Case

One of those cases that shows the "rational basis" test might be misnamed. Related StoriesOf Course There Was a Comma in “I Want a Lawyer Dog”Heroic Legislator Defends Right to Public SwearingNo, You Don't Have to Swear an Oath to Hold Public Office

I, for one, welcome our new robot overlords. Related StoriesCourt to Police: Nope, Sometimes “Fleeing” Is Just JoggingHow and Why to Delete Your Yahoo AccountBill Would Let Cops “Field Test” Your Phone After an Accident

Good news for those who couldn't get all their frog-stabbing done during the summer and fall. Related StoriesLawyer “Devastated” by Theft of Office FrogCourthouse Deputy: “I Need to See Your Monkey”Monkey-Selfie Case Settles

Not killing this guy is about the only thing the SFPD did right here. Related StoriesGrand Jury Indicts Officers in Student-Groping CaseReport: Many DEA Cash Seizures Have “No Discernible Connection” to Law EnforcementNational Guard Deployed to Seize One Marijuana Plant

In this edition: creative sentencing, meddling agents, the Code of Hammurabi, and a very, very bad idea. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #107Assorted Stupidity #106Assorted Stupidity #105

Not that there's anything wrong with that. Related StoriesJudge Criticized for Reading 138-Page Opinion From the BenchKing of Australia Says He's Testing Its Court SystemMugabe Spokesman: “The President Was Simply Resting His Eyes”

The evidence is pretty overwhelming, frankly. Related StoriesPresident's Attorney Threatens Cartoonist for Using His “Rights-Protected Visage”Judge Criticized for Reading 138-Page Opinion From the BenchI NEEDED THIS PAGE

Among other things. Related StoriesOfficial State Crap: Illinois AgainHere Comes Wisconsin With an Official Dairy ProductOfficial State Crap: Florida

In this edition (among other things): the law of unintended consequences again; Chuck Norris litigates, for once; and why some contracts may need a "no-sex clause." Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #108Assorted Stupidity #106Assorted Stupidity #105

The judge smelled a different motive, though. Related StoriesLawsuit Claims “Farley”-Brand “Fat Bikes” Infringe on Chris Farley

Technically, at least, the time is not now, but rather sometime in February.

No, not between "I" and "Want a Lawyer Dog," as if he were referring to himself, Mr. Want a Lawyer Dog. Please try to take this more seriously. Dog. Related StoriesGrand Jury Indicts Officers in Student-Groping CaseInsufficient-Burping Defense Fails to Defeat DUI ChargeNinth Circuit Breaks New Ground in Sexy-Cop Jurisprudence

Scarier than The Exorcist!Well, funnier than The Exorcist, at least. Related StoriesFrench Town That Banned UFOs Is Still Banning ThemHow Do I Get a Reincarnation Permit?And Then Job Spake, and Said, Let a Restraining Order Issue Against the Lord

Her hair is diabolically, but also genetically, brown. Related StoriesSaudi Government Says It Will Let Women DriveMugabe Spokesman: “The President Was Simply Resting His Eyes”Cow-Threatener's Conviction Affirmed

Give him the music, not a ticket. Related StoriesGrand Jury Indicts Officers in Student-Groping CaseCourt: Smashing Cameras Doesn't Give You a “Reasonable Expectation of Privacy”Officer Claimed He Shot Philando Castile Because of Secondhand Smoke

Authorities are still searching for the culprits here, who surprisingly survived. Related StoriesLawyer “Devastated” by Theft of Office FrogDo Not Walk Your Dog WHILE DRIVINGJudge Criticized for Reading 138-Page Opinion From the Bench

"I have reached a decision that I shall now explain ... for the next 17 hours." Related StoriesLaw Meant to Discourage Stupidity Doesn't WorkKing of Australia Says He's Testing Its Court SystemLawyer “Devastated” by Theft of Office Frog

Yet another answer to a legal question you didn't know you had. Related StoriesLawyer Music Video Asks You Not to Call It “Velcro”It Is Not Illegal to Drive With an Axe Embedded in the Roof of Your CarThe Daddy Saddle

In this edition: an update on canoeing under the influence, an update on hooting laws, an update on Michael Grimm, and a "field test" for drugs that had trouble distinguishing between meth and donut frosting. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #105Assorted Stupidity #104Assorted Stupidity #102

Dejected, off he trudged with a 150-euro ticket clutched in his pectoral fin.

Turns out those who suggested in March (me, for example) that the officers were "probably in some trouble" here were right. Related StoriesReport: Many DEA Cash Seizures Have “No Discernible Connection” to Law EnforcementCourt: Smashing Cameras Doesn't Give You a “Reasonable Expectation of Privacy”Officer Claimed He Shot Philando Castile Because of Secondhand Smoke

Presumably only an agricultural court would have jurisdiction over him. Related StoriesKing of Australia Says He's Testing Its Court SystemCourt: Smashing Cameras Doesn't Give You a “Reasonable Expectation of Privacy”Officer Claimed He Shot Philando Castile Because of Secondhand Smoke

You'll probably still call it "Velcro," but it was worth a try. Related StoriesLawyers Sit Motionless in Worst Music Video EverDo Not Walk Your Dog WHILE DRIVINGWoman Gets a Ticket for Parking Two Seconds Early

It's not the most important issue this bill would address, but it's an issue. Related StoriesAlleged Lamppost Thief Has Trouble With GetawayZamboni in the Drive-Thru: “Most Canadian Thing Ever”?Doody Convicts Rectal Smuggler

What next? Voting? Related StoriesMugabe Spokesman: “The President Was Simply Resting His Eyes”Cow-Threatener's Conviction Affirmed

A love story (with important evidentiary implications). Related StoriesJudge Denies Alleged Clown's Motion to Juggle“This Case Is About More Than One Rabbit,” Says Lawyer for Owners of Giant RabbitPolice: Burglars Not Hard to Track in Snow

In which the nature of this particular memorabilium, and the word "memorabilium," are both discussed. Related StoriesJuggalos Will March on Washington in SeptemberJohnny Depp Allegedly Spent $3M to Blast Hunter S. Thompson Out of a CannonUpdate: Neil Armstrong's Hair Is Still for Sale

The bikes also allegedly have a "wider-than-average chassis."

Questions remain, but it looks like legal proceedings are over. Related StoriesLawyer “Devastated” by Theft of Office FrogCourthouse Deputy: “I Need to See Your Monkey”Lawyers Sit Motionless in Worst Music Video Ever

Australian lawyers should be on their best behavior. Related StoriesSovereign Citizen Convinces Jury He Is Innocent of No ChargesCourt: Smashing Cameras Doesn't Give You a “Reasonable Expectation of Privacy”Officer Claimed He Shot Philando Castile Because of Secondhand Smoke