Lowering the Bar

Step one: stab several thousand people. Related StoriesArchbishop Criticized for Mass Firing of BellringersBritish MP Demands Correct Pronoun for Royal YachtWay Less Than You Need to Know About the Civil- and Common-Law Systems

Unforgivable. Related StoriesGood Reason to Kill #63: Golfing Too SlowlyGood Reason to Kill #62: Smirked When You Asked About That Viking Battle AxeGood Reason to Kill #61: Insisted the Earth Is Flat

TL, DR: click here, Fourth Amendment. Related StoriesWhat Is Treason?Bill Would Let Cops “Field Test” Your Phone After an AccidentThe TSA's Million-Dollar App (and My Zero-Dollar Equivalent)

A remarkable effort. Related StoriesKansas Senator Says Temptresses Must Cover ThemselvesIndiana Briefly Considered Fining Bad Anthem Singers

"A paper bag is disclosed." Related StoriesU.S. Patent No. 269,766: Do You Feel Lucky, Varmint?

At least two and possibly three of the prizes were given out for research that has some relevance for the legal system (among other things). Related StoriesPraying Mantis Species Named After Justice Ginsburg

I'm a grown man, but I'm also on vacation. Related StoriesDefendant Votes on His Own IndictmentJudge Challenges Defendant to Knit Her Way Out of JailIs It Illegal to Make Your Spouse Ride on the Roof of the Car?

In this edition: I'm on sabbatical (though obviously not from this); the people of Illinois take on three leather vests; why arbitration is better than kidnapping; a reluctant candidate; and what not to do if your marriage seems like a prison. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #94Assorted Stupidity #93Assorted Stupidity #92

It's not illegal to try to rid yourself of that kind of pest. Related StoriesDocument-Phobia Defense Works in SwedenDefendant Says His Lawyer Lied; Asks Him for Help Remembering What the Lies WereIndyCampers Lose Despite Personal Appearance by Jesus

More specifically, an alleged "fear of official correspondence." Related StoriesMan Who Shot Mother-in-Law Says He Was Aiming at an ArmadilloDefendant Says His Lawyer Lied; Asks Him for Help Remembering What the Lies WereIndyCampers Lose Despite Personal Appearance by Jesus

The saga continues. Related StoriesLord Hanuman Gets Another Court SummonsIndiana Briefly Considered Fining Bad Anthem Singers

The Ninth Circuit revives a puzzling cross-border dispute. Related StoriesApparently He Left “War Criminal” Off His ResuméALERT: Saturday Is the Last Day to Cash in Your $100-Trillion Bills

Grand jury proceedings are secret, so I guess we'll never know which way he voted. Related StoriesJudge Challenges Defendant to Knit Her Way Out of JailIs It Illegal to Make Your Spouse Ride on the Roof of the Car?Man Arrested 14 Years After Failing to Return Terrible Video

But more than you probably need to know about raccoon law. Related StoriesGarland Claims Longest-Wait Record from BrandeisGood Reason to Kill #59: Objected to BagpipesGollum Experts to Testify, Says Court

The canine individual was questioned and released. Related StoriesCourt: Musical Preference Doesn't Prove Gang MembershipCrime-Lab Chemist Was High While TestifyingAgain, Courts Frown on Feigning Sleep During Opponent's Case

In this edition: a couple of tips on faking your own death, spokespeople at work, a steakhouse surprise, and a pseudo-brilliant judicial-disqualification strategy. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #93Assorted Stupidity #92Assorted Stupidity #91

Sure, this sport looks peaceful, but never let down your guard. Related StoriesGood Reason to Kill #62: Smirked When You Asked About That Viking Battle AxeGood Reason to Kill #61: Insisted the Earth Is FlatPond Ruins Yet Another Getaway

Not so much "Dirty Harry" as "The Outlaw Josey Wales," I guess, but that's the quote that came to mind. Related StoriesGood Reason to Kill #58: Star Wars Spoiler

Oddly, the lawyer failed to identify any of the alleged misrepresentations. Related StoriesIndyCampers Lose Despite Personal Appearance by JesusMissouri's Governor Appointed to Represent Criminal DefendantThe Story of Eric the (Weed) Entrepreneur

Intoxication isn't normally a defense, but it looks like they made an exception here. Related StoriesShark-Attack Lawsuit Raises Interesting QuestionsCourt Rules Donald Isn't a FascistDachshund Racing Declared Illegal in Idaho

In this edition: another maple-syrup heist; the ABA insists upon right-thinking; more bumbling Australian thieves; and God is not literally a "co-pilot." Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #92Assorted Stupidity #91Assorted Stupidity #90

Also, is free-diving near hungry sharks a "recreational activity," or a sign of a mental disorder? Related StoriesIs an Alligator a “Deadly Weapon”?Cat InsultedHow Do I Get a Reincarnation Permit?

No, not the guy from The Big Lebowski ... or at least I don't think so. Related StoriesJudge Challenges Defendant to Knit Her Way Out of JailRandom Update: Convictions in Sham-Indian CaseIs It Illegal to Use a Legal Name?

He is a lawyer, but apparently he's not willing to serve. Related StoriesThe Story of Eric the (Weed) EntrepreneurHR 1220: Urging Members to Stop Saying “Physical” Instead of “Fiscal”DWI Charge Dismissed Because Driver Was a Gut-Brewer

And his wait is by no means over. Related StoriesTake the LTB Supreme Court Trivia Quiz“Audible Gasps” in Court as Justice Thomas Asks a QuestionPraying Mantis Species Named After Justice Ginsburg

Just a grab-bag of pants-related legal-humor items. That's all. Related StoriesLowering the Bar Almost Makes Law360’s List of Top 5 Law BlogsAgain, Not a Great Place to Stand During an ArgumentShareholder Faces Erklärungsnot for Extra Saitenwürschtle

And what do strawberry tarts have to do with it? Related StoriesCBP to Settle With Woman Forced to Pay Cost of Cavity Search Apparently He Left “War Criminal” Off His ResuméHappy Memorial Day From the TSA

It's either sixth, or an honorary member of the top 5, or they just needed some extra words for the column, it's hard to say. Related StoriesPants in the NewsAgain, Not a Great Place to Stand During an ArgumentShareholder Faces Erklärungsnot for Extra Saitenwürschtle

WARNING: It is not safe for work. Related StoriesFollow the Chicken, Dramatized

It affirmed, in fact, that he is not to be taken seriously at all. Related StoriesMuseum Sued for Art Depicting Jesus as WhiteGollum Experts to Testify, Says CourtIndiana Briefly Considered Fining Bad Anthem Singers

And it'd be great if this were the only time that had ever happened ... but no. Related StoriesApparently He Left “War Criminal” Off His ResuméHappy Memorial Day From the TSAThe TSA's Million-Dollar App (and My Zero-Dollar Equivalent)

Justice delayed is ... oh, whatever. Related StoriesLord Hanuman Gets Another Court SummonsIndiana Briefly Considered Fining Bad Anthem Singers

We don't know if Eric's business plan was ultimately successful, but his defense was. Related Stories“I Got You Cold, Mate,” Judge Tells Man Who Insulted Him on FacebookMan Arrested 14 Years After Failing to Return Terrible VideoDWI Charge Dismissed Because Driver Was a Gut-Brewer

A sentence that has been called "crewel and unusual punishment," though not by me. Related StoriesIndyCampers Not Allowed to Call Queen Elizabeth to TestifyIs It Illegal to Make Your Spouse Ride on the Roof of the Car?Man Arrested 14 Years After Failing to Return Terrible Video

This post is not the quiz, but as long as you're here wasting time anyway, you might as well consider the pre-quiz material. Related StoriesPraying Mantis Species Named After Justice Ginsburg“Audible Gasps” in Court as Justice Thomas Asks a QuestionJustice Antonin Scalia: An LTB Retrospective

WARNING: You may well want to stop reading after the phrase, "here comes knowledge." Related StoriesAgain, Not a Great Place to Stand During an ArgumentShareholder Faces Erklärungsnot for Extra SaitenwürschtleArsonist Sets Own Shoes on Fire

To be honest, worse things have probably happened to people who smirked at a Viking. Related StoriesGood Reason to Kill #61: Insisted the Earth Is FlatGood Reason to Kill #60: Looked Exactly Like Shia LaBoeufGood Reason to Kill #59: Objected to Bagpipes

In this edition: leprechauns, Zulu-folk-musician impersonators, a big fee demand in a stupid little case, and the surprisingly high number of living dead in America. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #91Assorted Stupidity #90Assorted Stupidity #89

Turns out the sham chief is probably still at it. Related StoriesIndyCampers Not Allowed to Call Queen Elizabeth to TestifyIs It Illegal to Use a Legal Name?Dachshund Racing Declared Illegal in Idaho

He also convinced the judge to do it, just for good measure. Related StoriesNOTE: Don't Wear Pajamas to Court

In this edition: Brexit may have involved Bruninformed voting; an interesting stress reaction; Oklahoma police *may* let you keep your own money; and yet another Facebook-admission case. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #92Assorted Stupidity #90Assorted Stupidity #89

She'd have destroyed them on cross-examination anyway. Related StoriesRandom Update: Convictions in Sham-Indian CaseIs It Illegal to Use a Legal Name?Dachshund Racing Declared Illegal in Idaho

This one's almost understandable. Related StoriesGood Reason to Kill #60: Looked Exactly Like Shia LaBoeufGood Reason to Kill #59: Objected to BagpipesGood Reason to Kill #58: Star Wars Spoiler

A bizarre and stupid mystery. Related StoriesIndyCampers Not Allowed to Call Queen Elizabeth to TestifyDachshund Racing Declared Illegal in IdahoOregon Occupier Files “Counter-Complaint” Against Feds and/or Devil

Turns out getting reincarnated now involves a whole sh*tload of bureaucracy. Related StoriesAnd Then Job Spake, and Said, Let a Restraining Order Issue Against the LordIs It Illegal to Make Your Spouse Ride on the Roof of the Car?TIP: Lawyer Who Sleeps for “Substantial Portion” of Trial Is Ineffective

Roy Pearson has re-entered the building. Related StoriesAgain, Courts Frown on Feigning Sleep During Opponent's CaseTIP: Lawyer Who Sleeps for “Substantial Portion” of Trial Is Ineffective

An honor that, as far as I can tell, no other justice has ever received. Related Stories“Audible Gasps” in Court as Justice Thomas Asks a QuestionJustice Antonin Scalia: An LTB RetrospectiveLucius Quintus Cincinnatus Lamar II

But you'd hope they dig a little further when they do background checks for airport security. Related StoriesHappy Memorial Day From the TSAALERT: Saturday Is the Last Day to Cash in Your $100-Trillion BillsThe TSA's Million-Dollar App (and My Zero-Dollar Equivalent)

Possibly of interest only to legal writers, but since I am one of those, here it is. Related StoriesBrief Argues Klingon Language Can't Be Copyrighted

The lines are going to suck, but at least the whole process is completely unnecessary. So there's that. Related StoriesThe TSA's Million-Dollar App (and My Zero-Dollar Equivalent)Apparently He Left “War Criminal” Off His ResuméStormtrooper Arrested