Lowering the Bar

A bizarre and stupid mystery. Related StoriesIndyCampers Not Allowed to Call Queen Elizabeth to TestifyDachshund Racing Declared Illegal in IdahoOregon Occupier Files “Counter-Complaint” Against Feds and/or Devil

Turns out getting reincarnated now involves a whole sh*tload of bureaucracy. Related StoriesAnd Then Job Spake, and Said, Let a Restraining Order Issue Against the LordIs It Illegal to Make Your Spouse Ride on the Roof of the Car?TIP: Lawyer Who Sleeps for “Substantial Portion” of Trial Is Ineffective

Roy Pearson has re-entered the building. Related StoriesAgain, Courts Frown on Feigning Sleep During Opponent's CaseTIP: Lawyer Who Sleeps for “Substantial Portion” of Trial Is Ineffective

An honor that, as far as I can tell, no other justice has ever received. Related Stories“Audible Gasps” in Court as Justice Thomas Asks a QuestionJustice Antonin Scalia: An LTB RetrospectiveLucius Quintus Cincinnatus Lamar II

But you'd hope they dig a little further when they do background checks for airport security. Related StoriesHappy Memorial Day From the TSAALERT: Saturday Is the Last Day to Cash in Your $100-Trillion BillsThe TSA's Million-Dollar App (and My Zero-Dollar Equivalent)

Possibly of interest only to legal writers, but since I am one of those, here it is. Related StoriesBrief Argues Klingon Language Can't Be Copyrighted

The lines are going to suck, but at least the whole process is completely unnecessary. So there's that. Related StoriesThe TSA's Million-Dollar App (and My Zero-Dollar Equivalent)Apparently He Left “War Criminal” Off His ResuméStormtrooper Arrested

A story that's a little more mysterious than it sounds. Related StoriesIs It Illegal to Make Your Spouse Ride on the Roof of the Car?Spa Bandit UpdateMan Charged With Stealing 784,000 Quarters

In this edition: a couple of unnecessary warnings, unexpected hot sauce, a defendant with magic pockets, and an American suspicious of math. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #89Assorted Stupidity #88Assorted Stupidity #87

It's not quite as terrible an idea as it seems. Related StoriesBill Would Let Cops “Field Test” Your Phone After an AccidentThe TSA's Million-Dollar App (and My Zero-Dollar Equivalent)

I still wouldn't code this as a W59.22, but opinions may vary. Related StoriesPond Ruins Yet Another GetawayIs It Illegal to Make Your Spouse Ride on the Roof of the Car?Is an Alligator a “Deadly Weapon”?

They can make you work, but they can't make you like it. Or make you act like you do. Related StoriesHas Your Boss Ever Pooped In Your Lunchbox?

We need Question Time. It sends an important signal when the legislature can tell the executive to shut up and get out. Related Stories“I Got You Cold, Mate,” Judge Tells Man Who Insulted Him on FacebookGovernors Veto Official-Bible BillsHR 1220: Urging Members to Stop Saying “Physical” Instead of “Fiscal”

It is likely to be important evidence since you weren't smart enough to keep it out of the photos.

Evidently "Los Tigres del Norte" is a band, not a terrorist organization. Related StoriesCrime-Lab Chemist Was High While TestifyingAgain, Courts Frown on Feigning Sleep During Opponent's CaseMan Arrested 14 Years After Failing to Return Terrible Video

Well, that's not entirely accurate ... she was high almost all the time. Related StoriesCourt: Musical Preference Doesn't Prove Gang MembershipAgain, Courts Frown on Feigning Sleep During Opponent's CaseMan Arrested 14 Years After Failing to Return Terrible Video

The Lord hath "exhibited a seriously negative attitude" toward me, allegeth the Petitioner. Related StoriesLord Hanuman Gets Another Court Summons

You are necessarily assuming the other person is rational, and don't you know better by now? Related StoriesShareholder Faces Erklärungsnot for Extra SaitenwürschtleLast-Minute Gift Suggestions

Hopefully the oral argument will also be at least partly in Klingon.

Right on target, in fact.

If you live in Zimbabwe, that is.

One of the more understandable reasons to still make it into this category. Related StoriesGood Reason to Kill #59: Objected to BagpipesGood Reason to Kill #58: Star Wars Spoiler

And I continue to think it's funny, which obviously doesn't mean you should do it. Related StoriesMan Arrested 14 Years After Failing to Return Terrible VideoTIP: Lawyer Who Sleeps for “Substantial Portion” of Trial Is Ineffective

In this edition: a good reason to turn off your phone in court, the arrest of a fire-breather, shocking judicial conduct, and Wikipedia nerds. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #88Assorted Stupidity #87Assorted Stupidity #86

There are absolutely no exceptions to the dog-racing law. Except when there are. Related StoriesGovernors Veto Official-Bible BillsSovereign Citizens Also Bothering ScotlandOregon Occupier Files “Counter-Complaint” Against Feds and/or Devil

Erklärungsnot! Related StoriesLast-Minute Gift Suggestions

If planning to insult a judge who is retiring, you might first want to confirm the date of said retirement.

Salamander, jackass bills signed into law. Related StoriesDachshund Racing Declared Illegal in IdahoBill Would Let Cops “Field Test” Your Phone After an AccidentHR 1220: Urging Members to Stop Saying “Physical” Instead of “Fiscal”

Judicial opinions you'll enjoy reading.

Don't worry, though—they totally promise not to invade your privacy while doing it. Related StoriesGovernors Veto Official-Bible BillsThe TSA's Million-Dollar App (and My Zero-Dollar Equivalent)

In this edition: the "Filner headlock," a German hotel mystery, motorized beer coolers (again) and other reasons Australia seems fun, and the last ride of the Jammie Dodger gang. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #87Assorted Stupidity #86Assorted Stupidity #85

I urge the TSA to implement my alternative immediately. Related StoriesBill Would Let Cops “Field Test” Your Phone After an AccidentStormtrooper ArrestedYou Know, Karl, There Have Also Been Criminals Named “Karl”

This again. Related StoriesBill Would Let Cops “Field Test” Your Phone After an Accident

Are you currently in a parade? Related StoriesIs an Alligator a “Deadly Weapon”?Bad Places to Hide: Island in Alligator-Infested LakeMan Arrested 14 Years After Failing to Return Terrible Video

WHEREAS, this has been bugging the $*#& out of Rep. Tracy McCreery.

It does make it a little harder for the cops to follow you, but other issues still make this a bad choice. Related StoriesIs It Illegal to Make Your Spouse Ride on the Roof of the Car?Man Arrested 14 Years After Failing to Return Terrible VideoSpa Bandit Update

His little Supreme Court is apparently not split 4-4. Related StoriesTennessee Legislature Votes to Make Bible the Official State BookKansas Senator Says Temptresses Must Cover ThemselvesIndiana Briefly Considered Fining Bad Anthem Singers

With bad legal arguments, and bongos. Related StoriesOregon Occupier Files “Counter-Complaint” Against Feds and/or DevilGood Reason to Kill #59: Objected to BagpipesJury Laughs at Hot-Yoga Guy

If he watched this movie, he's the real victim. Related StoriesBad Places to Hide: Island in Alligator-Infested LakeIs an Alligator a “Deadly Weapon”?Topless Gardener Scrapes Bottom of Barrel

In this edition: Is "Trump supporter" a protected class? Also, good news for hovering moose hunters, bad news for one regular squirrel hunter, and Maryland reconsiders its state song. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #86What's Up With the “Trump University” Lawsuits?Assorted Stupidity #85

The sovereign-citizen nonsense is not limited to North America. Related StoriesOregon Occupier Files “Counter-Complaint” Against Feds and/or DevilJury Laughs at Hot-Yoga GuyYou Know, Karl, There Have Also Been Criminals Named “Karl”

For no good reason at all, an update on the criminal career of one Marshall G. Wolbers, formerly known as the "Spa Bandit." Related StoriesMan Charged With Stealing 784,000 QuartersArsonist Sets Own Shoes on Fire

In particular it is bad form to be seen "resting [one's] head" against one's client during trial. Related StoriesIs an Alligator a “Deadly Weapon”?

In this edition: gnome-endangerment charges, Batmobile copyright issues, and further confirmation that the First Amendment protects the right to swear at authority. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #85Assorted Stupidity #84Assorted Stupidity #83

No, not all at once. Related StoriesSpa Bandit UpdateArsonist Sets Own Shoes on Fire

If not, then he is not the worst boss ever, as this story proves. Related StoriesFollow the Chicken, Dramatized

Trump said the other day he has "won most of" these cases. He has not. Whether anybody cares is a different issue.

Nine questions, in fact. Related StoriesJustice Antonin Scalia: An LTB RetrospectiveLucius Quintus Cincinnatus Lamar II

Prosecutor also allegedly pointed at defendant and mouthed "HE DID IT" while defense counsel wasn't looking. Related StoriesJury Laughs at Hot-Yoga Guy

This one won't stick, either. Related StoriesIndiana Briefly Considered Fining Bad Anthem Singers