Lowering the Bar

And his wait is by no means over. Related StoriesTake the LTB Supreme Court Trivia Quiz“Audible Gasps” in Court as Justice Thomas Asks a QuestionPraying Mantis Species Named After Justice Ginsburg

Just a grab-bag of pants-related legal-humor items. That's all. Related StoriesLowering the Bar Almost Makes Law360’s List of Top 5 Law BlogsAgain, Not a Great Place to Stand During an ArgumentShareholder Faces Erklärungsnot for Extra Saitenwürschtle

And what do strawberry tarts have to do with it? Related StoriesCBP to Settle With Woman Forced to Pay Cost of Cavity Search Apparently He Left “War Criminal” Off His ResuméHappy Memorial Day From the TSA

It's either sixth, or an honorary member of the top 5, or they just needed some extra words for the column, it's hard to say. Related StoriesPants in the NewsAgain, Not a Great Place to Stand During an ArgumentShareholder Faces Erklärungsnot for Extra Saitenwürschtle

WARNING: It is not safe for work. Related StoriesFollow the Chicken, Dramatized

It affirmed, in fact, that he is not to be taken seriously at all. Related StoriesMuseum Sued for Art Depicting Jesus as WhiteGollum Experts to Testify, Says CourtIndiana Briefly Considered Fining Bad Anthem Singers

And it'd be great if this were the only time that had ever happened ... but no. Related StoriesApparently He Left “War Criminal” Off His ResuméHappy Memorial Day From the TSAThe TSA's Million-Dollar App (and My Zero-Dollar Equivalent)

Justice delayed is ... oh, whatever. Related StoriesLord Hanuman Gets Another Court SummonsIndiana Briefly Considered Fining Bad Anthem Singers

We don't know if Eric's business plan was ultimately successful, but his defense was. Related Stories“I Got You Cold, Mate,” Judge Tells Man Who Insulted Him on FacebookMan Arrested 14 Years After Failing to Return Terrible VideoDWI Charge Dismissed Because Driver Was a Gut-Brewer

A sentence that has been called "crewel and unusual punishment," though not by me. Related StoriesIndyCampers Not Allowed to Call Queen Elizabeth to TestifyIs It Illegal to Make Your Spouse Ride on the Roof of the Car?Man Arrested 14 Years After Failing to Return Terrible Video

This post is not the quiz, but as long as you're here wasting time anyway, you might as well consider the pre-quiz material. Related StoriesPraying Mantis Species Named After Justice Ginsburg“Audible Gasps” in Court as Justice Thomas Asks a QuestionJustice Antonin Scalia: An LTB Retrospective

WARNING: You may well want to stop reading after the phrase, "here comes knowledge." Related StoriesAgain, Not a Great Place to Stand During an ArgumentShareholder Faces Erklärungsnot for Extra SaitenwürschtleArsonist Sets Own Shoes on Fire

To be honest, worse things have probably happened to people who smirked at a Viking. Related StoriesGood Reason to Kill #61: Insisted the Earth Is FlatGood Reason to Kill #60: Looked Exactly Like Shia LaBoeufGood Reason to Kill #59: Objected to Bagpipes

In this edition: leprechauns, Zulu-folk-musician impersonators, a big fee demand in a stupid little case, and the surprisingly high number of living dead in America. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #91Assorted Stupidity #90Assorted Stupidity #89

Turns out the sham chief is probably still at it. Related StoriesIndyCampers Not Allowed to Call Queen Elizabeth to TestifyIs It Illegal to Use a Legal Name?Dachshund Racing Declared Illegal in Idaho

He also convinced the judge to do it, just for good measure. Related StoriesNOTE: Don't Wear Pajamas to Court

In this edition: Brexit may have involved Bruninformed voting; an interesting stress reaction; Oklahoma police *may* let you keep your own money; and yet another Facebook-admission case. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #92Assorted Stupidity #90Assorted Stupidity #89

She'd have destroyed them on cross-examination anyway. Related StoriesRandom Update: Convictions in Sham-Indian CaseIs It Illegal to Use a Legal Name?Dachshund Racing Declared Illegal in Idaho

This one's almost understandable. Related StoriesGood Reason to Kill #60: Looked Exactly Like Shia LaBoeufGood Reason to Kill #59: Objected to BagpipesGood Reason to Kill #58: Star Wars Spoiler

A bizarre and stupid mystery. Related StoriesIndyCampers Not Allowed to Call Queen Elizabeth to TestifyDachshund Racing Declared Illegal in IdahoOregon Occupier Files “Counter-Complaint” Against Feds and/or Devil

Turns out getting reincarnated now involves a whole sh*tload of bureaucracy. Related StoriesAnd Then Job Spake, and Said, Let a Restraining Order Issue Against the LordIs It Illegal to Make Your Spouse Ride on the Roof of the Car?TIP: Lawyer Who Sleeps for “Substantial Portion” of Trial Is Ineffective

Roy Pearson has re-entered the building. Related StoriesAgain, Courts Frown on Feigning Sleep During Opponent's CaseTIP: Lawyer Who Sleeps for “Substantial Portion” of Trial Is Ineffective

An honor that, as far as I can tell, no other justice has ever received. Related Stories“Audible Gasps” in Court as Justice Thomas Asks a QuestionJustice Antonin Scalia: An LTB RetrospectiveLucius Quintus Cincinnatus Lamar II

But you'd hope they dig a little further when they do background checks for airport security. Related StoriesHappy Memorial Day From the TSAALERT: Saturday Is the Last Day to Cash in Your $100-Trillion BillsThe TSA's Million-Dollar App (and My Zero-Dollar Equivalent)

Possibly of interest only to legal writers, but since I am one of those, here it is. Related StoriesBrief Argues Klingon Language Can't Be Copyrighted

The lines are going to suck, but at least the whole process is completely unnecessary. So there's that. Related StoriesThe TSA's Million-Dollar App (and My Zero-Dollar Equivalent)Apparently He Left “War Criminal” Off His ResuméStormtrooper Arrested

A story that's a little more mysterious than it sounds. Related StoriesIs It Illegal to Make Your Spouse Ride on the Roof of the Car?Spa Bandit UpdateMan Charged With Stealing 784,000 Quarters

In this edition: a couple of unnecessary warnings, unexpected hot sauce, a defendant with magic pockets, and an American suspicious of math. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #89Assorted Stupidity #88Assorted Stupidity #87

It's not quite as terrible an idea as it seems. Related StoriesBill Would Let Cops “Field Test” Your Phone After an AccidentThe TSA's Million-Dollar App (and My Zero-Dollar Equivalent)

I still wouldn't code this as a W59.22, but opinions may vary. Related StoriesPond Ruins Yet Another GetawayIs It Illegal to Make Your Spouse Ride on the Roof of the Car?Is an Alligator a “Deadly Weapon”?

They can make you work, but they can't make you like it. Or make you act like you do. Related StoriesHas Your Boss Ever Pooped In Your Lunchbox?

We need Question Time. It sends an important signal when the legislature can tell the executive to shut up and get out. Related Stories“I Got You Cold, Mate,” Judge Tells Man Who Insulted Him on FacebookGovernors Veto Official-Bible BillsHR 1220: Urging Members to Stop Saying “Physical” Instead of “Fiscal”

It is likely to be important evidence since you weren't smart enough to keep it out of the photos.

Evidently "Los Tigres del Norte" is a band, not a terrorist organization. Related StoriesCrime-Lab Chemist Was High While TestifyingAgain, Courts Frown on Feigning Sleep During Opponent's CaseMan Arrested 14 Years After Failing to Return Terrible Video

Well, that's not entirely accurate ... she was high almost all the time. Related StoriesCourt: Musical Preference Doesn't Prove Gang MembershipAgain, Courts Frown on Feigning Sleep During Opponent's CaseMan Arrested 14 Years After Failing to Return Terrible Video

The Lord hath "exhibited a seriously negative attitude" toward me, allegeth the Petitioner. Related StoriesLord Hanuman Gets Another Court Summons

You are necessarily assuming the other person is rational, and don't you know better by now? Related StoriesShareholder Faces Erklärungsnot for Extra SaitenwürschtleLast-Minute Gift Suggestions

Hopefully the oral argument will also be at least partly in Klingon.

Right on target, in fact.

If you live in Zimbabwe, that is.

One of the more understandable reasons to still make it into this category. Related StoriesGood Reason to Kill #59: Objected to BagpipesGood Reason to Kill #58: Star Wars Spoiler

And I continue to think it's funny, which obviously doesn't mean you should do it. Related StoriesMan Arrested 14 Years After Failing to Return Terrible VideoTIP: Lawyer Who Sleeps for “Substantial Portion” of Trial Is Ineffective

In this edition: a good reason to turn off your phone in court, the arrest of a fire-breather, shocking judicial conduct, and Wikipedia nerds. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #88Assorted Stupidity #87Assorted Stupidity #86

There are absolutely no exceptions to the dog-racing law. Except when there are. Related StoriesGovernors Veto Official-Bible BillsSovereign Citizens Also Bothering ScotlandOregon Occupier Files “Counter-Complaint” Against Feds and/or Devil

Erklärungsnot! Related StoriesLast-Minute Gift Suggestions

If planning to insult a judge who is retiring, you might first want to confirm the date of said retirement.

Salamander, jackass bills signed into law. Related StoriesDachshund Racing Declared Illegal in IdahoBill Would Let Cops “Field Test” Your Phone After an AccidentHR 1220: Urging Members to Stop Saying “Physical” Instead of “Fiscal”

Judicial opinions you'll enjoy reading.

Don't worry, though—they totally promise not to invade your privacy while doing it. Related StoriesGovernors Veto Official-Bible BillsThe TSA's Million-Dollar App (and My Zero-Dollar Equivalent)

In this edition: the "Filner headlock," a German hotel mystery, motorized beer coolers (again) and other reasons Australia seems fun, and the last ride of the Jammie Dodger gang. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #87Assorted Stupidity #86Assorted Stupidity #85