Lowering the Bar

So I’m working on some stuff about the Emoluments Clause, the anti-nepotism law, and property rights in space, and, I mean, all very interesting, of course, but sometimes you just want to quickly mention that a dude ended up in a... Related StoriesGood Reason to Kill #2: YahtzeeGood Reason to Kill #64: Threw Away Your Lego CollectionGood Reason to Kill #63: Golfing Too Slowly

Plaintiff thought there'd be more driving in the movie, you see, and less "slow paced, interpersonal drama." Related StoriesSolicitor Sues Oxford for Negligent TeachingMuseum Sued for Art Depicting Jesus as White

Also a $3 million watch, and his soul. Related StoriesUpdate: Neil Armstrong's Hair Is Still for SaleWhat's Up With the “Trump University” Lawsuits?

A blessedly short travel summary, a new book on the way, a presentation on January 30, and a few even more trivial things. Related StoriesZamboni in the Drive-Thru: “Most Canadian Thing Ever”?Pants in the NewsLowering the Bar Almost Makes Law360’s List of Top 5 Law Blogs

Or so they claim. But a jury may have to decide that. Related StoriesCat InsultedDachshund Racing Declared Illegal in IdahoIs an Alligator a “Deadly Weapon”?

Wow, what a ridiculous year. Related StoriesZamboni in the Drive-Thru: “Most Canadian Thing Ever”?Pants in the NewsLowering the Bar Almost Makes Law360’s List of Top 5 Law Blogs

In this edition: how to get stuck in a hay bale and live, driving under the influence of caffeine, some stuff about robberies, and a teensy border conflict ends peacefully. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #98Assorted Stupidity #97Assorted Stupidity #96

Also craptacular: their email practices. Related StoriesSolicitor Sues Oxford for Negligent TeachingLord Hanuman Gets Another Court Summons

With a brief digression into the story of Christmas. Sort of. Related StoriesTop Ten Posts of 2016Doody Convicts Rectal SmugglerJustice Done in Canada With Convictions in Maple-Syrup Heist

This picture is probably enough here, but there are some additional words inside. Related StoriesFrench Town That Banned UFOs Is Still Banning ThemCat InsultedCourt Rules Donald Isn't a Fascist

Fourteen people got at least one vote for either president or vice-president. I think. Related StoriesLawyer Indicted for Impersonating a Judge Is Elected to Be Real JudgeThe Worst Presidential Race in American HistoryWhat's Up With the “Trump University” Lawsuits?

The Constitution says one thing, but we do another. Seems odd. Related StoriesSeriously, Though: Nobody Has the Right to AppealCourt Says Police Need to Make Time for “This Constitutional Bullshit”National Guard Deployed to Seize One Marijuana Plant

I'll tell you right up front: this post is completely ridiculous. Related StoriesGood Reason to Kill #65: Played Computer Games “Too Often”Good Reason to Kill #64: Threw Away Your Lego CollectionGood Reason to Kill #63: Golfing Too Slowly

The victim was assaulted with a Playstation controller. Related StoriesGood Reason to Kill #2: YahtzeeGood Reason to Kill #64: Threw Away Your Lego CollectionGood Reason to Kill #63: Golfing Too Slowly

It took a while for the truth to come out. Related StoriesCriminal's Modus Operandi Probably Just Means He Can't Spell “Modus Operandi”Justice Done in Canada With Convictions in Maple-Syrup HeistBattle of the Joes Is Back On

They may not be as used to dopey warnings as Americans are.

In this edition: law firm sues client, learns why that's a bad idea; asset-forfeiture programs are still heinous; an unlikely bathroom-cleaning lawsuit; and how to make a little extra cash in Ghana. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #97Assorted Stupidity #96Assorted Stupidity #95

Its failure to give him a top grade has harmed his legal career, you see. Related StoriesLord Hanuman Gets Another Court SummonsMuseum Sued for Art Depicting Jesus as White

Might need to get the United Nations involved. Related StoriesAgain, Courts Frown on Feigning Sleep During Opponent's Case

You really don't. Related StoriesCourt Says Police Need to Make Time for “This Constitutional Bullshit”Court: Nobody Has the Right to AppealNational Guard Deployed to Seize One Marijuana Plant

Congratulations to Nobody. Related StoriesSeriously, Though: Nobody Has the Right to AppealCourt Says Police Need to Make Time for “This Constitutional Bullshit”Justice Done in Canada With Convictions in Maple-Syrup Heist

Although hopefully not for much longer. Related StoriesWhat's Up With the “Trump University” Lawsuits?

More to come, randomly. Related StoriesPants in the NewsLowering the Bar Almost Makes Law360’s List of Top 5 Law BlogsAgain, Not a Great Place to Stand During an Argument

In this edition: wearing a crown will not necessarily impress a jury; Whitesboro is still looking for a new seal; defining "Native American" is still problematic; other Americans illegally drift into Canada; when not to cite Dred Scott (ever); and a successful dongle thief. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #96Assorted Stupidity #95Assorted Stupidity #94

Among other things. Related StoriesJustice Done in Canada With Convictions in Maple-Syrup HeistRectal Smuggler Won't Know Doody's Position Until NovemberDefendant Votes on His Own Indictment

The bullshit in question being the Fourth Amendment. Related StoriesNational Guard Deployed to Seize One Marijuana PlantBill Would Let Cops “Field Test” Your Phone After an AccidentHow and Why to Delete Your Yahoo Account

To any who would threaten the precious Global Strategic Maple Syrup Reserve: let this be a lesson to you. Related StoriesCriminal's Modus Operandi Probably Just Means He Can't Spell “Modus Operandi”Rectal Smuggler Won't Know Doody's Position Until NovemberBattle of the Joes Is Back On

There haven't been any landings since the ban, so .... Related StoriesBREAKING: Normans Amend English Legal SystemHow Do I Get a Reincarnation Permit?And Then Job Spake, and Said, Let a Restraining Order Issue Against the Lord

But probably can't serve as a real judge unless she's cleared of trying to impersonate one. Related StoriesThe Worst Presidential Race in American History“Do Not Destroy or Otherwise Dispose of the Paddle”What's Up With the “Trump University” Lawsuits?

Was, astonishingly, probably not this one. Related StoriesWhat's Up With the “Trump University” Lawsuits?Lawyer Indicted for Impersonating a Judge Is Elected to Be Real JudgeTree Not Arrested

The 81-year-old grandmother they stole it from is extremely pissed off. Related StoriesHow and Why to Delete Your Yahoo AccountWhat Is Treason?Bill Would Let Cops “Field Test” Your Phone After an Accident

It's not free to go, but that doesn't mean it's under arrest. Related StoriesBREAKING: Normans Amend English Legal SystemThe Worst Presidential Race in American HistoryWay Less Than You Need to Know About the Civil- and Common-Law Systems

Police initially let Tree off with a warning, but the misbehavior continued. Related StoriesTree Not ArrestedRectal Smuggler Won't Know Doody's Position Until NovemberDefendant Votes on His Own Indictment

In this edition: that shark-attack lawsuit settled, amateur thieves fail again, an Australian lawyer beats Domino's in a pizza-delivery case, and Donald Trump. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #95Assorted Stupidity #94Assorted Stupidity #93

Church officials claimed "decisive action" was necessary to address unspecified "health and safety" concerns. Related StoriesBREAKING: Normans Amend English Legal SystemBoard Strikes Down Rule Requiring Employees to Be “Positive”Has Your Boss Ever Pooped In Your Lunchbox?

It is the worst problem facing the United Kingdom at this moment. Related StoriesBREAKING: Normans Amend English Legal SystemNZ Prime Minister Gets Thrown Out of ParliamentGovernors Veto Official-Bible Bills

Step one: stab several thousand people. Related StoriesArchbishop Criticized for Mass Firing of BellringersBritish MP Demands Correct Pronoun for Royal YachtWay Less Than You Need to Know About the Civil- and Common-Law Systems

Unforgivable. Related StoriesGood Reason to Kill #63: Golfing Too SlowlyGood Reason to Kill #62: Smirked When You Asked About That Viking Battle AxeGood Reason to Kill #61: Insisted the Earth Is Flat

TL, DR: click here, Fourth Amendment. Related StoriesWhat Is Treason?Bill Would Let Cops “Field Test” Your Phone After an AccidentThe TSA's Million-Dollar App (and My Zero-Dollar Equivalent)

A remarkable effort. Related StoriesKansas Senator Says Temptresses Must Cover ThemselvesIndiana Briefly Considered Fining Bad Anthem Singers

"A paper bag is disclosed." Related StoriesU.S. Patent No. 269,766: Do You Feel Lucky, Varmint?

At least two and possibly three of the prizes were given out for research that has some relevance for the legal system (among other things). Related StoriesPraying Mantis Species Named After Justice Ginsburg

I'm a grown man, but I'm also on vacation. Related StoriesDefendant Votes on His Own IndictmentJudge Challenges Defendant to Knit Her Way Out of JailIs It Illegal to Make Your Spouse Ride on the Roof of the Car?

In this edition: I'm on sabbatical (though obviously not from this); the people of Illinois take on three leather vests; why arbitration is better than kidnapping; a reluctant candidate; and what not to do if your marriage seems like a prison. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #94Assorted Stupidity #93Assorted Stupidity #92

It's not illegal to try to rid yourself of that kind of pest. Related StoriesDocument-Phobia Defense Works in SwedenDefendant Says His Lawyer Lied; Asks Him for Help Remembering What the Lies WereIndyCampers Lose Despite Personal Appearance by Jesus

More specifically, an alleged "fear of official correspondence." Related StoriesMan Who Shot Mother-in-Law Says He Was Aiming at an ArmadilloDefendant Says His Lawyer Lied; Asks Him for Help Remembering What the Lies WereIndyCampers Lose Despite Personal Appearance by Jesus

The saga continues. Related StoriesLord Hanuman Gets Another Court SummonsIndiana Briefly Considered Fining Bad Anthem Singers

The Ninth Circuit revives a puzzling cross-border dispute. Related StoriesApparently He Left “War Criminal” Off His ResuméALERT: Saturday Is the Last Day to Cash in Your $100-Trillion Bills

Grand jury proceedings are secret, so I guess we'll never know which way he voted. Related StoriesJudge Challenges Defendant to Knit Her Way Out of JailIs It Illegal to Make Your Spouse Ride on the Roof of the Car?Man Arrested 14 Years After Failing to Return Terrible Video

But more than you probably need to know about raccoon law. Related StoriesGarland Claims Longest-Wait Record from BrandeisGood Reason to Kill #59: Objected to BagpipesGollum Experts to Testify, Says Court