Lowering the Bar

No, not that one.Related StoriesGuess Who's Decided to Represent Himself?Nicholas Rossi's World Tour Continues: Now Appearing in UtahFormer Fugitive Extradited, Briefly De-Trousered

But almost.Related StoriesReminder: Lawyers Should Try Not to Sleep Through Important Aspects of Trial"Bar Wants Fake Lawyer Prosecuted Even Though He (Reportedly) Won All His CasesAttorneys Required to Atone for Late Notice by Holding Up Signs in Courthouse Lobby

Some serious editing was required but not performed.Related StoriesSeventh Circuit: Please Don't Use the Twilight Zone" Font in Briefs Ever AgainMotion to Halt the Madness" Granted in PartStudy: Bad Writing Makes Legal Documents Hard to Read

And this one was.Related StoriesPlaintiff Aghast That Her Peanut Butter Pumpkins HAD NO EYESCourt Tosses Lawsuit Claiming Mac & Cheese Took Too Long to MakeLawsuit Claims Mac & Cheese May Take Seconds Longer to Make Than Promised

In this edition: Pringles-can lawyer's suspension ends; Louisiana still not fooling anyone; constable uninjured by cheese-wielder.Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #161Assorted Stupidity #160Assorted Stupidity #159

It maybe wasn't technically suspended at the time ... if it existed.Related StoriesPriest Who Bit Woman During Mass Says She Had It ComingNoodler Guilty of Murdering Alleged Bigfoot-SummonerFederal Government Frowns Upon Humorous Electronic Traffic Signs

A dramatic but poor choice.Related StoriesThree-Page Limit Exceeded by 70Motion to Halt the Madness" Granted in PartStudy: Bad Writing Makes Legal Documents Hard to Read

Another case where somebody creates the best evidence against him.Related StoriesPriest Who Bit Woman During Mass Says She Had It ComingO.J. Simpson Embarks on Long, Slow Bronco Ride Into EternityFormer Fugitive Extradited, Briefly De-Trousered

Okay, I might be paraphrasing there.Related StoriesSuspended-License Case: More Complicated, Not Less DumbGuy With Suspended License Takes Court Call on Zoom While DrivingNoodler Guilty of Murdering Alleged Bigfoot-Summoner

This response was great in two words. The four-page version is equally great for different reasons.Related StoriesLOL, no."

Start popping the popcorn now. You only have until June.Related StoriesNicholas Rossi's World Tour Continues: Now Appearing in UtahFormer Fugitive Extradited, Briefly De-TrouseredFormer Prisoner Arrested in I Just Got Out of Prison" T-Shirt May Be Going Back

Did he take the stand in his own defense? That's usually a terrible idea, so yes.Related StoriesPriest Who Bit Woman During Mass Says She Had It ComingNicholas Rossi Will Be Extradited-or Will He?Court Tosses Lawsuit Claiming Mac & Cheese Took Too Long to Make

It just woke up thinking of me and my remarkable journey. Isn't that remarkable?Related StoriesMassachusetts May Make It Illegal to Give Your Robot a GunSurveillance-Camera Thief Captures Complete Record of His Crime

In this edition: disputes involving Road House and the Muppets; some U.S. campaign news; legislative updates; and why threatening to kill jurors is a poor strategy.Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #160Assorted Stupidity #159Assorted Stupidity #158

A terrific response to a bogus takedown letter.

They also dodged an order requiring them to pay Universal's legal fees, unfortunately.Related StoriesPlaintiff Aghast That Her Peanut Butter Pumpkins HAD NO EYESNinth Circuit Revives Nevermind Cover Baby's Frivolous LawsuitPlaintiff Alleges Boneless Wings" Are Really Mislabeled Nuggets

Although that's probably not where it will end up.Related StoriesFormer Fugitive Extradited, Briefly De-TrouseredI Hereby Swear to Hate Henry Symeonis, Whoever That Is."Sith Lord Who Stalked Queen Gets Nine Years for Treason; AI Girlfriend Not Charged

It's almost like these legislators don't really understand science.Related StoriesFlorida Rep: This Bill Doesn't Target All Bears, Just the Ones That Are on Crack"Tennessee Senate Votes to Ineffectively Ban Something That Doesn't ExistHigh Noon in the Missouri Senate?

Arizona and California, respectively.Related StoriesAlabama Names Official State CookieBill Would Establish Official State Aroma

Or does it? No. It doesn't.Related StoriesFlorida Rep: This Bill Doesn't Target All Bears, Just the Ones That Are on Crack"Are Chemtrails Spreading Across the Country? No, But Goofy Chemtrail Legislation IsHigh Noon in the Missouri Senate?

Or should it be "marital-status-based hotpot-discrimination claim"? Oh well.

And what if the Founding Fathers were bullshitting at the time?Related StoriesCan You Claim a Reasonable Expectation of Privacy as a Guest If You Killed Your Hosts?Are Honeybees a Dangerous Weapon"?Did Congress Forgive All Your Debts by Passing a Law Nobody Knows About Because of 9/11?

People obviously aren't learning the lesson, but I persevere.Related StoriesPlease Make a Note of the Planning Required for a Successful Water EscapeYet More Unsuccessful Water Escapes

Good news for certain drivers, bad news for turkeys and elk.Related StoriesFlorida Rep: This Bill Doesn't Target All Bears, Just the Ones That Are on Crack"Food Blogger Fined for Eating Great White SharkDogs Object to Bill Making It Illegal to Stick Their Heads Out of Car Windows

In this edition: somebody stole a radio tower, another lawyer thought generative AI would tell the truth, and an unusual legislative proposal in Kentucky is deemed "inadvertent." Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #159Assorted Stupidity #158Assorted Stupidity #157

The exact number of such bears now roaming Florida remains unclear.Related StoriesCalifornia Supreme Court: We Don't Think Bees Are FishCalifornia County Bans Wild Cow MilkingCourt Says Bees Are Fish

Probably not. At least not yet.Related StoriesFlorida Rep: This Bill Doesn't Target All Bears, Just the Ones That Are on Crack"Massachusetts May Make It Illegal to Give Your Robot a GunCalifornia Supreme Court: We Don't Think Bees Are Fish

Or for a "substantial portion" of it.Related StoriesAttorneys Required to Atone for Late Notice by Holding Up Signs in Courthouse LobbyDeath at Shotgun Willie's Delays Trial About Death at Shotgun Willie'sAlex Jones' Lawyers May Have Mistakenly Sent Evidence of Perjury to Opposing Counsel

We've seen this show before, but it's still entertaining.Related StoriesFormer Fugitive Extradited, Briefly De-TrouseredFormer Prisoner Arrested in I Just Got Out of Prison" T-Shirt May Be Going BackChiefsAholic" Indicted for Robbing Banks to Fund ChiefAholism

They can have your humorous electronic traffic sign when they pry it out of your cold, dead hands. Or threaten to cut federal funding.

Or so she claims in her class-action lawsuit.Related StoriesLawsuit Claims Mac & Cheese May Take Seconds Longer to Make Than PromisedNinth Circuit Revives Nevermind Cover Baby's Frivolous LawsuitCourt Tosses Lawsuit Claiming Mac & Cheese Took Too Long to Make

Identity still disputed, but only by him.Related StoriesChiefsAholic" Indicted for Robbing Banks to Fund ChiefAholismNicholas Rossi's World Tour Continues: Now Appearing in UtahFormer Prisoner Arrested in I Just Got Out of Prison" T-Shirt May Be Going Back

And whatever it is he did.Related StoriesCongratulations on Not Catching Jack the RipperGeoffrey Chaucer Cleared of Rape AllegationRussian Lawmaker Says He Wants Alaska Back

No longer a baby, but somehow still a plaintiff.Related StoriesPlaintiff Aghast That Her Peanut Butter Pumpkins HAD NO EYESPlaintiff Alleges Boneless Wings" Are Really Mislabeled NuggetsLawsuit Claims Mac & Cheese May Take Seconds Longer to Make Than Promised

In this edition: police catch the elusive Tire-Slasher of Vastogiardi; the Florida Joker thinks GTA6 stole his identity; and a lawyer argues cocaine may have "a positive effect on one's cognitive abilities."Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #158Assorted Stupidity #157Assorted Stupidity #156

And yet the police still seem to have screwed this up.Related StoriesNicholas Rossi's World Tour Continues: Now Appearing in UtahFormer Fugitive Extradited, Briefly De-TrouseredChiefsAholic" Indicted for Robbing Banks to Fund ChiefAholism

And yet further controversy looms.

They wouldn't pay rent, but did manage to scrape together enough to pay a lawyer.

From 1994 but worth saving.Related StoriesI Was in Spain

While wearing a gimp suit, at least.Related StoriesSith Lord Who Stalked Queen Gets Nine Years for Treason; AI Girlfriend Not ChargedJudge: F-Word No Longer Has Sufficient Shock Value" to Be a Problem at Work

In this edition: Rossi finally extradited, judge texts during murder trial, firm in trouble for "rummaging" through opponent's Dropbox account, and more.Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #157Assorted Stupidity #156Assorted Stupidity #155

"He's not a terrorist," one supporter said. True, but he's not a lawyer, either.Related StoriesI Really Regret the Matter," Says Driver Fined $129K for SpeedingDisgraced Lawyer's Crocodile Shoes Sold for $1062Does It Violate the Ethics Rules to Cheat on an Ethics Test?

Prosecuted under the Treason Act 1842, just one of the many Treason Acts they have to choose from over there.Related StoriesAlleged Somerset Gimp" Ordered Not to Wriggle or Writhe in PublicChiefsAholic" Indicted for Robbing Banks to Fund ChiefAholismFeds: Unlicensed Alien Guide Offered Gall Bladders and Women During Illegal Bear Hunt

I'm more worried about robots taking them.Related StoriesSurveillance-Camera Thief Captures Complete Record of His CrimeCalifornia Supreme Court: We Don't Think Bees Are FishCalifornia County Bans Wild Cow Milking

But now I'm not.

Not a water-escape attempt, in my view, but still not a great idea.Related StoriesCan You Claim a Reasonable Expectation of Privacy as a Guest If You Killed Your Hosts?Jury to Decide Whether Officers Have Qualified Immunity for Tasing a Guy in the Crotch

In this edition: a less-successful escape attempt involving Jet Skis; why you should hope your judge's team wins the big game; doom-and-squalor tour canceled; etc. A dead ferret is also mentioned.Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #156Assorted Stupidity #155Assorted Stupidity #154

Don't try it, just make a note of the planning that would be required.Related StoriesYet More Unsuccessful Water Escapes

A noble cause, but still.Related StoriesNicholas Rossi Will Be Extradited-or Will He?Feds: Unlicensed Alien Guide Offered Gall Bladders and Women During Illegal Bear HuntI Really Regret the Matter," Says Driver Fined $129K for Speeding

I almost hate to see this saga end.Related StoriesSuspect Claiming Mistaken Identity Says Someone Tattooed Him Without His KnowledgeChiefsAholic" Indicted for Robbing Banks to Fund ChiefAholismCourt Tosses Lawsuit Claiming Mac & Cheese Took Too Long to Make