Lowering the Bar

Well, it was *temporarily* resolved with the power saw, at least. Related StoriesCourt Invalidates Result of Rock-Paper-Scissors Match

Apparently calling in sick didn't work. Related Stories“The Facts Are Unusual,” Says Judge About Acquittal in Mistaken-Home-Invasion-Broom-Sex-Fantasy CaseLawyer Whose Pants Caught Fire Is Still a Hot MessMan Ordered to Stop Doing Autopsies Because He's Not, Like, a Doctor or Anything

His "vehicle collision" argument suggests he's just been phoning it in anyway. Related StoriesFake-Your-Own-Kidnapping Ploy Fails AgainDisbarment for Lawyer Caught With Zipper DownLawyer Suspended for Advice on How to “Make It Look Like Self-Defense”

No great surprise here. In fact, no surprise at all. The lawsuit that Orly Taitz filed last month (see “Look Who’s Back, Now Filing Lawsuits on Behalf of ‘Donard J. Trump,'” (Jan. 29, 2021)), asking a federal court in California... Related StoriesLook Who's Back, Now Filing Lawsuits on Behalf of “Donard J. Trump”Trump Legal Team's Record So Far: BadPro-Virus Floridians Challenge Mask Mandate

It would be one of about a dozen official saurians in the United States. Related StoriesOfficial State Crap: Hawaii

It actually speaks, in fact. Related StoriesUnited States v. Five Hundred and Twelve OttersLawyer Files Document “Under Plenty of Perjury”Court Says Lawyer's “Colorful Insults” Did Not Help His Clients' Case

In this edition: a sovereign citizen, other bad semi-lawyers, campaign-fund stealers, and people who forget to turn off their webcams. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #140 (Sedition Edition)Assorted Stupidity #139Assorted Stupidity #138

An unsurprising result under the circumstances. Related StoriesLawyer Suspended for Advice on How to “Make It Look Like Self-Defense”“Legal Genius” Pleads Guilty to FraudThe $65-Million-Pants Case: Year 16

Like I've said before, she may be a perfectly good dentist. Related StoriesNope, Twitter Isn't Violating the First AmendmentTrump Legal Team's Record So Far: BadAlabama's Ginormous Constitution Will Be “Recompiled,” Made Less Racist

By "it" I mean "murder," in case that wasn't clear. Related StoriesDisbarment for Lawyer Caught With Zipper Down“Legal Genius” Pleads Guilty to FraudThe $65-Million-Pants Case: Year 16

Sic. Related StoriesIt Is No Longer a Crime to Impersonate Smokey BearPork-Product Proposal Perturbs Parliamentarians; Prompts Pummeling, Pig-Part PeltingWearing Masks: Legally Required, but Also Illegal

This headline doesn't refer to Donald Trump, but maybe by next week a similar one will. Related StoriesFine, Get in the Sea, CrooksThings That Fail: Ponzi Schemes, Water EscapesProsecutors* Try to Drop Charges Against Themselves

The stupid shows no signs of diminishing. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #139Assorted Stupidity #138Assorted Stupidity #137

It makes things a lot easier for the people who are coming to arrest you. Related StoriesRapper Who Rapped About Committing Fraud Arrested for Fraud

Not a real case name, but some real ones are just as weird. Related StoriesCan You Sue a Dead Person?Court Invalidates Result of Rock-Paper-Scissors Match

Impersonating Woodsy Owl has also been legalized. Related StoriesPork-Product Proposal Perturbs Parliamentarians; Prompts Pummeling, Pig-Part Pelting

And was it a member of Trump's legal team? Why, yes. Yes it was. Related StoriesCourt Says Lawyer's “Colorful Insults” Did Not Help His Clients' CaseAttorney Charged With Criminal Mischief for Egging Judge's CarTip: “BOOM SHAKALAKA” May Not Be Best Response to Contempt Petition

Not really a field where you can just hang out your shingle and learn by doing. Related StoriesThings That Fail: Ponzi Schemes, Water Escapes“Legal Genius” Pleads Guilty to FraudJailers Who Subjected Inmates to “Baby Shark” Face Cruelty Charges

In this edition: Scotch eggs, voter fraud, a Maltese eagle, and two trips from Land's End to John o' Groats (one going way too fast, the other one naked). Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #138Assorted Stupidity #137Assorted Stupidity #136

This isn't about the Shriners, whose demands are typically valid and for a good cause. Related Stories“Motion to Declare Trump Victorious” Filed in PennsylvaniaYour Honor, I Direct You to Article 61 of the Magna Carta“The Facts Are Unusual,” Says Judge About Acquittal in Mistaken-Home-Invasion-Broom-Sex-Fantasy Case

How much alliteration is too much? This much.

Like many bad things, its exact badness is hard to quantify. Related Stories“Motion to Declare Trump Victorious” Filed in PennsylvaniaLeader's Right to Take Office QuestionedAlabama's Ginormous Constitution Will Be “Recompiled,” Made Less Racist

It's nuts, and has about the same chance of success as what the lawyers have been filing. Related StoriesBeware of Fez-Wearers Making Bogus DemandsTrump Legal Team's Record So Far: BadLeader's Right to Take Office Questioned

And this story involves both of them. Related Stories“Legal Genius” Pleads Guilty to FraudJailers Who Subjected Inmates to “Baby Shark” Face Cruelty ChargesFine, Get in the Sea, Crooks

A dramatic challenge to democracy and the right not to wear shoes. Related StoriesTrump Legal Team's Record So Far: Bad“Motion to Declare Trump Victorious” Filed in PennsylvaniaAlabama's Ginormous Constitution Will Be “Recompiled,” Made Less Racist

Probably not even openly racist at all, for the first time since 1875. Related StoriesThe Middle Finger and the LawTrump Legal Team's Record So Far: Bad“Motion to Declare Trump Victorious” Filed in Pennsylvania

In this edition: nothing at all related to the election. Okay, one thing that is sort of related to it, but all others, not. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #137Assorted Stupidity #136Assorted Stupidity #135

You just can't please some people. Related StoriesYet Again, Gravitational Risks Held to Be “Obvious”Court Says You Can't Bang Gongs Near a HospitalBuyer of Soon-to-Be-Ex-Parrot Wins Implied-Warranty Claim

*Who were not really prosecutors. Related StoriesRapper Who Rapped About Committing Fraud Arrested for FraudCriminal Becomes First Person to Break Law Passed Because of His CrimesFine, Get in the Sea, Crooks

This will not be good for the brand. Related StoriesJailers Who Subjected Inmates to “Baby Shark” Face Cruelty ChargesThe $65-Million-Pants Case: Year 16“The Facts Are Unusual,” Says Judge About Acquittal in Mistaken-Home-Invasion-Broom-Sex-Fantasy Case

As usual a lesson about how not to do something.

The song itself isn't evidence, but making it was still unwise. Related StoriesProsecutors* Try to Drop Charges Against ThemselvesCriminal Becomes First Person to Break Law Passed Because of His CrimesFine, Get in the Sea, Crooks

Possibly also prosecution for crimes against humanity. Related Stories“Legal Genius” Pleads Guilty to Fraud“The Facts Are Unusual,” Says Judge About Acquittal in Mistaken-Home-Invasion-Broom-Sex-Fantasy Case

It's not a time-travel situation, either. Related StoriesRapper Who Rapped About Committing Fraud Arrested for FraudFine, Get in the Sea, CrooksFelon Who Died in Tragic Fall Found Alive in Closet

Guitar virtuoso and inventor. (Now updated with pictures of Eddie actually using his invention.)

Under Irish tax law, the—wait. Who just tested positive for what? Seriously?

The sentence at the end of the proceedings was much worse, in a different way. Related StoriesJudge Deploys Rumpelstiltskin Metaphor for Sixth TimeYour Honor, I Direct You to Article 61 of the Magna CartaCourt Says Lawyer's “Colorful Insults” Did Not Help His Clients' Case

Only a small selection of the incredibly huge number of stupid things to happen recently. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #136Assorted Stupidity #135Assorted Stupidity #134

Possibly having realized there are more important things to worry about.

That's fine, but some of these other words are a real problem. Related StoriesA Four-Thousand-Word SentenceCourt Says Lawyer's “Colorful Insults” Did Not Help His Clients' Case

Tip: No winning legal argument will ever begin with these words. Related StoriesA Four-Thousand-Word SentenceThe Middle Finger and the LawCan You Sue a Dead Person?

UPDATED: Now with even more sea and two additional crooks. Related StoriesFelon Who Died in Tragic Fall Found Alive in ClosetAre We Still Doing Attempted Water Escapes?

Falling: it's been dangerous for literally millions of years. Related StoriesCourt Says You Can't Bang Gongs Near a Hospital

Well, allegedly dead. Related StoriesFine, Get in the Sea, CrooksAre We Still Doing Attempted Water Escapes?

Dinner will be served. Also propaganda. Related StoriesCourt Dismisses Representative's Claim Against Twitter in Satirical-Cow CaseEnd of Speech Shouted

This is a VERY long post, but that's because it includes excerpts from the oral argument so you will believe this happened.

In this edition: a fake-your-own-death tip, stealing stolen goods, a couple of harassers get jail time, and the continued retreat of the "plain smell" doctrine. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #135Assorted Stupidity #134Assorted Stupidity #133

Will there be references to the Magna Carta in this one? Oh yeah. Related StoriesThe Middle Finger and the LawCan You Sue a Dead Person?Nope, Twitter Isn't Violating the First Amendment

Also not helpful: over-the-top metaphors. Related StoriesAttorney Charged With Criminal Mischief for Egging Judge's CarTip: “BOOM SHAKALAKA” May Not Be Best Response to Contempt PetitionCourt Declines to Sanction Lawyer for Alleged “Butt Shaking” During Mediation

I don't think the "Washington Lobbyists" is taken yet.