Falling: it's been dangerous for literally millions of years. Related StoriesCourt Says You Can't Bang Gongs Near a Hospital
Lowering the Bar
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| Updated | 2025-07-30 07:31 |
Well, allegedly dead. Related StoriesFine, Get in the Sea, CrooksAre We Still Doing Attempted Water Escapes?
Dinner will be served. Also propaganda. Related StoriesCourt Dismisses Representative's Claim Against Twitter in Satirical-Cow CaseEnd of Speech Shouted
This is a VERY long post, but that's because it includes excerpts from the oral argument so you will believe this happened.
In this edition: a fake-your-own-death tip, stealing stolen goods, a couple of harassers get jail time, and the continued retreat of the "plain smell" doctrine. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #135Assorted Stupidity #134Assorted Stupidity #133
Will there be references to the Magna Carta in this one? Oh yeah. Related StoriesThe Middle Finger and the LawCan You Sue a Dead Person?Nope, Twitter Isn't Violating the First Amendment
Also not helpful: over-the-top metaphors. Related StoriesAttorney Charged With Criminal Mischief for Egging Judge's CarTip: “BOOM SHAKALAKA” May Not Be Best Response to Contempt PetitionCourt Declines to Sanction Lawyer for Alleged “Butt Shaking” During Mediation
I don't think the "Washington Lobbyists" is taken yet.
Think before you gripe.
Is the coronavirus funding this lawsuit? Related StoriesCourt Dismisses Representative's Claim Against Twitter in Satirical-Cow CaseNope, Twitter Isn't Violating the First AmendmentJudge Asks Attorneys to Wear Shirts, Get Out of Bed for Videoconferences
In this edition: we're still pretending to be a democracy for now, some poorly chosen tattoos, I mention a toad-venom case I forgot to mention, and some nonsense about islands. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #134Assorted Stupidity #133Assorted Stupidity #132
Seems more important than ever to reiterate that displaying a middle finger should almost always be considered protected speech. Related StoriesNope, Twitter Isn't Violating the First AmendmentCan You Sue a Dead Person?Court: Len Dykstra's Reputation Is So Bad He Can't Be Libeled
Claims against the satirical cow and a couple of others have not failed yet, but will. Related StoriesNope, Twitter Isn't Violating the First AmendmentEnd of Speech Shouted
He explained that it was all in fun, but the judge doesn't seem to have been amused. Related StoriesTip: “BOOM SHAKALAKA” May Not Be Best Response to Contempt PetitionCourt Declines to Sanction Lawyer for Alleged “Butt Shaking” During MediationJudge Asks Attorneys to Wear Shirts, Get Out of Bed for Videoconferences
Has this issue come up repeatedly? Of course it has. Related StoriesThe Middle Finger and the LawCourt Invalidates Result of Rock-Paper-Scissors Match
In this edition: the president's lawyers say some words, the risks of using Zoom in legal proceedings, a Florida man wants his job back, and a donkey gets arrested for gambling. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #133Assorted Stupidity #132Assorted Stupidity #131
I'm glad this is probably the end, because I may actually be out of things to say about it at this point. Related StoriesTip: “BOOM SHAKALAKA” May Not Be Best Response to Contempt PetitionCourt Declines to Sanction Lawyer for Alleged “Butt Shaking” During Mediation
Another casualty of the coronavirus. Related StoriesWearing Masks: Legally Required, but Also Illegal
Not too many people are "libel-proof" as a matter of law, but Lenny Dykstra turns out to be one of them. Related StoriesNope, Twitter Isn't Violating the First Amendment
“The Facts Are Unusual,” Says Judge About Acquittal in Mistaken-Home-Invasion-Broom-Sex-Fantasy Case
"Are you sure you're not Kevin?" the man with the machete asked. Related StoriesJudge Asks Attorneys to Wear Shirts, Get Out of Bed for Videoconferences
It can't. Related StoriesCourt: Len Dykstra's Reputation Is So Bad He Can't Be Libeled
Technically, you could probably still do so if you were able to do it very quietly. Related StoriesWashington Courts Still Split on Definition of “Motor Vehicle”
Maybe on the way out of court after you win, but probably at no other time. Related StoriesCourt Declines to Sanction Lawyer for Alleged “Butt Shaking” During MediationJudge Asks Attorneys to Wear Shirts, Get Out of Bed for Videoconferences
Contrary to some reports, the bird in question is not yet an ex-parrot.
Things are remarkably stupid right now, but I'm trying to limit these to 500 words or so. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #132Assorted Stupidity #131
Only because he had suffered enough already. Related StoriesTip: “BOOM SHAKALAKA” May Not Be Best Response to Contempt PetitionJudge Asks Attorneys to Wear Shirts, Get Out of Bed for Videoconferences
Do riding mowers and snowmobiles qualify? Are you sure?
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Is this my longest article yet? Possibly. Is it worth it? Also possibly.
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One way out of this dilemma: declare New York City to be a "masquerade party" until further notice.
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In this edition, "total authority," felony eluding, coronavirus lawsuits, and an unlikely "date night" involving a Native American burial ground. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #131
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Seriously? Yes.
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I don't think this has improved during the 40 years since this opinion was written. Related StoriesEdgar Allan Poe: Bankruptcy Judge
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If you think bankruptcy decisions can't be poetic ... well, I guess it's still debatable. Related Stories“The Agents Involved Speak an Almost Impenetrable Jargonâ€
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In this edition: ship attacked with train, drunken driver's ed, a man tries to enforce a relationship promise in court, an alleged dinosaur attack, and so on. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #132
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It's not a riddle. Well, it kind of is.
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"The world is facing a real emergency. Plaintiff is not." Related StoriesKansas Man Seeks Trial by CombatHappy Holidays! (Now Get Out of My Courtroom)Huang v. Hollywood
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The situation is dire, but maybe not quite that dire? Related StoriesAnother Year of Lowering the BarAdios MugabeWhy the “Six Ways Buzzfeed†Brief Is Less Than Amazing
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Everybody else seems to be sending one. Related StoriesProposed Law Would Prevent Climate Change in MontanaNew Jersey May Declare an Official State MicrobeSnake-Mailing Rules Revisited
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"Judge Ellison and I are two completely different people," Edison reminded the parties. Related StoriesA Note From Kevin (Hereinafter, “Meâ€) to All Attorneys (Hereinafter, “Youâ€)Seventh Circuit: “We Draw the Line at Gibberishâ€â€œEverything About This Case Turns Out to Be Stupid,†Says Judge
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Alabama has long been suspicious of yoga, though it may not be entirely sure what that is. Related StoriesMan Convicted of Lynching HimselfCalifornia's Roadkill Bill Becomes LawTestimony of Elmo Monster, Sesame Street Muppet
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The only surprise here is that he somehow got a license in the first place. Related StoriesLawyer Held in Contempt Is Sentenced to Write SentencesLawyer Who Billed Over 6,600 Hours Per Year “Found in Nicaraguaâ€Racist Pagan Goat-Murdering Lawyer Is in Trouble Again
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In this edition: indifferent rabbits, one-star reviews, yet another failed water escape, and a cat fight. Related StoriesAssorted Holiday StupidityAssorted Stupidity #128Assorted Stupidity #127
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It could have been much worse. Related StoriesPanel Recommends Disbarment for BlagojevichLawyer Who Billed Over 6,600 Hours Per Year “Found in Nicaraguaâ€Racist Pagan Goat-Murdering Lawyer Is in Trouble Again
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As usual, it's a note about something you shouldn't do. Related Stories“Succubusticâ€: Is It a Word You Should Use to Describe a Judge?Lawyer Whose Pants Caught on Fire Still Feeling the HeatSeventh Circuit: “We Draw the Line at Gibberishâ€
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There are better alternatives in this situation, though. Related StoriesAssorted Criminal StupidityFourth-Level Subcontractor Ruins Murder PlotQuestions to Ask Before Trying to Get a Ton of Drugs Into Australia by Sea
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Wasn't there something about this on Schoolhouse Rock? Related StoriesDoes the Constitution Say You Can Shoot Socialists?Bag Marked “Bag Full of Drugs†Allegedly Full of DrugsFirst Alleged Space Crime Is Surprisingly Dull
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