Lowering the Bar

Now says he was afraid Rhode Island legislators wanted to kill him.Related StoriesCourt Orders Martin Shkreli to Hand Over His Wu-Tang Clan Album (Again)Mother Teresa Pleads Guilty to Ponzi SchemeGuess Who's Decided to Represent Himself?

Even if it were, would you travel to get them if it meant flying on Turkish Airlines?Related StoriesFlorida Rep: This Bill Doesn't Target All Bears, Just the Ones That Are on Crack"RFK Jr. Gets Nowhere With Residency AppealRFK Jr. Expected to End Campaign After Questions Raised About Falconry License

Though the gesture and its meaning remain a little ambiguous.Related StoriesDwarf Planet, Giant SlugAlabama Names Official State CookieBill Would Establish Official State Aroma

An officer concluded the substance on a spoon was crystal meth. It wasn't.Related StoriesCease-and-Desist Letter Fails to Prevent Competing World Naked Bike Ride"Assorted Stupidity #164Assorted Stupidity #163

Wasn't trying to stop the nudity, just use of a similar name.Related StoriesWoman Freed After Lab Confirms Suspicious Residue" Was SpaghettiO SauceFour David Sosas File Brief in Support of FifthCan You Claim a Reasonable Expectation of Privacy as a Guest If You Killed Your Hosts?

Is this the first snail-farming tax-exemption case ever? Nope.Related StoriesRFK Jr.'s Falconry Records Still Secret-For NowNoodler Guilty of Murdering Alleged Bigfoot-SummonerAlleged Somerset Gimp" Ordered Not to Wriggle or Writhe in Public

Nor should he be.Related StoriesO.J. Simpson Embarks on Long, Slow Bronco Ride Into EternityRFK Jr.'s Falconry Records Still Secret-For NowBubble-Blower Charged With Littering Prohibited Fluids"

The battle continues.Related StoriesRFK Jr. Expected to End Campaign After Questions Raised About Falconry LicenseRFK Jr.'s Falconry Records Still Secret-For NowJudge Rejects RFK Jr.'s Claim to Be New York Resident, Despite Valid State Falconry License

They usually won't yield to any pedestrian, research shows.

In this edition: Tom Girardi loses; what sure looks like medical malpractice; what might be magical malpractice; and a very dangerous chess player.Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #163Assorted Stupidity #162Assorted Stupidity #161

Is it too early to call this a coverup? Well, yes, but stay tuned.Related StoriesSuspended-License Case: More Complicated, Not Less DumbNoodler Guilty of Murdering Alleged Bigfoot-SummonerO.J. Simpson Embarks on Long, Slow Bronco Ride Into Eternity

This aggression will not stand, man.Related StoriesGuy With Suspended License Takes Court Call on Zoom While DrivingPriest Who Bit Woman During Mass Says She Had It ComingO.J. Simpson Embarks on Long, Slow Bronco Ride Into Eternity

He should have to give up that smirk, too, but I suppose there are First Amendment issues there.Related StoriesMother Teresa Pleads Guilty to Ponzi SchemeGuess Who's Decided to Represent Himself?Nicholas Rossi's World Tour Continues: Now Appearing in Utah

He probably won't admit this was the reason, but we know the truth.Related StoriesJudge Rejects RFK Jr.'s Claim to Be New York Resident, Despite Valid State Falconry LicenseMan Pleads Guilty to Handling Salmon Under Suspicious CircumstancesRoadkill to Become Fair Game in Virginia

If you can believe that.Related StoriesRFK Jr. Expected to End Campaign After Questions Raised About Falconry LicenseMan Pleads Guilty to Handling Salmon Under Suspicious CircumstancesRoadkill to Become Fair Game in Virginia

Caught more or less red-handed.Related StoriesRoadkill to Become Fair Game in VirginiaRFK Jr. Expected to End Campaign After Questions Raised About Falconry LicenseJudge Rejects RFK Jr.'s Claim to Be New York Resident, Despite Valid State Falconry License

He just really likes that river.Related StoriesMan Pleads Guilty to Handling Salmon Under Suspicious CircumstancesNicholas Rossi's World Tour Continues: Now Appearing in Utah

In this edition: are tacos "sandwiches"? Yes and no. Also, other things.Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #162Assorted Stupidity #161Assorted Stupidity #160

No, not that one.Related StoriesGuess Who's Decided to Represent Himself?Nicholas Rossi's World Tour Continues: Now Appearing in UtahFormer Fugitive Extradited, Briefly De-Trousered

But almost.Related StoriesReminder: Lawyers Should Try Not to Sleep Through Important Aspects of Trial"Bar Wants Fake Lawyer Prosecuted Even Though He (Reportedly) Won All His CasesAttorneys Required to Atone for Late Notice by Holding Up Signs in Courthouse Lobby

Some serious editing was required but not performed.Related StoriesSeventh Circuit: Please Don't Use the Twilight Zone" Font in Briefs Ever AgainMotion to Halt the Madness" Granted in PartStudy: Bad Writing Makes Legal Documents Hard to Read

And this one was.Related StoriesPlaintiff Aghast That Her Peanut Butter Pumpkins HAD NO EYESCourt Tosses Lawsuit Claiming Mac & Cheese Took Too Long to MakeLawsuit Claims Mac & Cheese May Take Seconds Longer to Make Than Promised

In this edition: Pringles-can lawyer's suspension ends; Louisiana still not fooling anyone; constable uninjured by cheese-wielder.Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #161Assorted Stupidity #160Assorted Stupidity #159

It maybe wasn't technically suspended at the time ... if it existed.Related StoriesPriest Who Bit Woman During Mass Says She Had It ComingNoodler Guilty of Murdering Alleged Bigfoot-SummonerFederal Government Frowns Upon Humorous Electronic Traffic Signs

A dramatic but poor choice.Related StoriesThree-Page Limit Exceeded by 70Motion to Halt the Madness" Granted in PartStudy: Bad Writing Makes Legal Documents Hard to Read

Another case where somebody creates the best evidence against him.Related StoriesPriest Who Bit Woman During Mass Says She Had It ComingO.J. Simpson Embarks on Long, Slow Bronco Ride Into EternityFormer Fugitive Extradited, Briefly De-Trousered

Okay, I might be paraphrasing there.Related StoriesSuspended-License Case: More Complicated, Not Less DumbGuy With Suspended License Takes Court Call on Zoom While DrivingNoodler Guilty of Murdering Alleged Bigfoot-Summoner

This response was great in two words. The four-page version is equally great for different reasons.Related StoriesLOL, no."

Start popping the popcorn now. You only have until June.Related StoriesNicholas Rossi's World Tour Continues: Now Appearing in UtahFormer Fugitive Extradited, Briefly De-TrouseredFormer Prisoner Arrested in I Just Got Out of Prison" T-Shirt May Be Going Back

Did he take the stand in his own defense? That's usually a terrible idea, so yes.Related StoriesPriest Who Bit Woman During Mass Says She Had It ComingNicholas Rossi Will Be Extradited-or Will He?Court Tosses Lawsuit Claiming Mac & Cheese Took Too Long to Make

It just woke up thinking of me and my remarkable journey. Isn't that remarkable?Related StoriesMassachusetts May Make It Illegal to Give Your Robot a GunSurveillance-Camera Thief Captures Complete Record of His Crime

In this edition: disputes involving Road House and the Muppets; some U.S. campaign news; legislative updates; and why threatening to kill jurors is a poor strategy.Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #160Assorted Stupidity #159Assorted Stupidity #158

A terrific response to a bogus takedown letter.

They also dodged an order requiring them to pay Universal's legal fees, unfortunately.Related StoriesPlaintiff Aghast That Her Peanut Butter Pumpkins HAD NO EYESNinth Circuit Revives Nevermind Cover Baby's Frivolous LawsuitPlaintiff Alleges Boneless Wings" Are Really Mislabeled Nuggets

Although that's probably not where it will end up.Related StoriesFormer Fugitive Extradited, Briefly De-TrouseredI Hereby Swear to Hate Henry Symeonis, Whoever That Is."Sith Lord Who Stalked Queen Gets Nine Years for Treason; AI Girlfriend Not Charged

It's almost like these legislators don't really understand science.Related StoriesFlorida Rep: This Bill Doesn't Target All Bears, Just the Ones That Are on Crack"Tennessee Senate Votes to Ineffectively Ban Something That Doesn't ExistHigh Noon in the Missouri Senate?

Arizona and California, respectively.Related StoriesAlabama Names Official State CookieBill Would Establish Official State Aroma

Or does it? No. It doesn't.Related StoriesFlorida Rep: This Bill Doesn't Target All Bears, Just the Ones That Are on Crack"Are Chemtrails Spreading Across the Country? No, But Goofy Chemtrail Legislation IsHigh Noon in the Missouri Senate?

Or should it be "marital-status-based hotpot-discrimination claim"? Oh well.

And what if the Founding Fathers were bullshitting at the time?Related StoriesCan You Claim a Reasonable Expectation of Privacy as a Guest If You Killed Your Hosts?Are Honeybees a Dangerous Weapon"?Did Congress Forgive All Your Debts by Passing a Law Nobody Knows About Because of 9/11?

People obviously aren't learning the lesson, but I persevere.Related StoriesPlease Make a Note of the Planning Required for a Successful Water EscapeYet More Unsuccessful Water Escapes

Good news for certain drivers, bad news for turkeys and elk.Related StoriesFlorida Rep: This Bill Doesn't Target All Bears, Just the Ones That Are on Crack"Food Blogger Fined for Eating Great White SharkDogs Object to Bill Making It Illegal to Stick Their Heads Out of Car Windows

In this edition: somebody stole a radio tower, another lawyer thought generative AI would tell the truth, and an unusual legislative proposal in Kentucky is deemed "inadvertent." Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #159Assorted Stupidity #158Assorted Stupidity #157

The exact number of such bears now roaming Florida remains unclear.Related StoriesCalifornia Supreme Court: We Don't Think Bees Are FishCalifornia County Bans Wild Cow MilkingCourt Says Bees Are Fish

Probably not. At least not yet.Related StoriesFlorida Rep: This Bill Doesn't Target All Bears, Just the Ones That Are on Crack"Massachusetts May Make It Illegal to Give Your Robot a GunCalifornia Supreme Court: We Don't Think Bees Are Fish

Or for a "substantial portion" of it.Related StoriesAttorneys Required to Atone for Late Notice by Holding Up Signs in Courthouse LobbyDeath at Shotgun Willie's Delays Trial About Death at Shotgun Willie'sAlex Jones' Lawyers May Have Mistakenly Sent Evidence of Perjury to Opposing Counsel

We've seen this show before, but it's still entertaining.Related StoriesFormer Fugitive Extradited, Briefly De-TrouseredFormer Prisoner Arrested in I Just Got Out of Prison" T-Shirt May Be Going BackChiefsAholic" Indicted for Robbing Banks to Fund ChiefAholism

They can have your humorous electronic traffic sign when they pry it out of your cold, dead hands. Or threaten to cut federal funding.

Or so she claims in her class-action lawsuit.Related StoriesLawsuit Claims Mac & Cheese May Take Seconds Longer to Make Than PromisedNinth Circuit Revives Nevermind Cover Baby's Frivolous LawsuitCourt Tosses Lawsuit Claiming Mac & Cheese Took Too Long to Make

Identity still disputed, but only by him.Related StoriesChiefsAholic" Indicted for Robbing Banks to Fund ChiefAholismNicholas Rossi's World Tour Continues: Now Appearing in UtahFormer Prisoner Arrested in I Just Got Out of Prison" T-Shirt May Be Going Back