Lowering the Bar

The exact number of such bears now roaming Florida remains unclear.Related StoriesCalifornia Supreme Court: We Don't Think Bees Are FishCalifornia County Bans Wild Cow MilkingCourt Says Bees Are Fish

Probably not. At least not yet.Related StoriesFlorida Rep: This Bill Doesn't Target All Bears, Just the Ones That Are on Crack"Massachusetts May Make It Illegal to Give Your Robot a GunCalifornia Supreme Court: We Don't Think Bees Are Fish

Or for a "substantial portion" of it.Related StoriesAttorneys Required to Atone for Late Notice by Holding Up Signs in Courthouse LobbyDeath at Shotgun Willie's Delays Trial About Death at Shotgun Willie'sAlex Jones' Lawyers May Have Mistakenly Sent Evidence of Perjury to Opposing Counsel

We've seen this show before, but it's still entertaining.Related StoriesFormer Fugitive Extradited, Briefly De-TrouseredFormer Prisoner Arrested in I Just Got Out of Prison" T-Shirt May Be Going BackChiefsAholic" Indicted for Robbing Banks to Fund ChiefAholism

They can have your humorous electronic traffic sign when they pry it out of your cold, dead hands. Or threaten to cut federal funding.

Or so she claims in her class-action lawsuit.Related StoriesLawsuit Claims Mac & Cheese May Take Seconds Longer to Make Than PromisedNinth Circuit Revives Nevermind Cover Baby's Frivolous LawsuitCourt Tosses Lawsuit Claiming Mac & Cheese Took Too Long to Make

Identity still disputed, but only by him.Related StoriesChiefsAholic" Indicted for Robbing Banks to Fund ChiefAholismNicholas Rossi's World Tour Continues: Now Appearing in UtahFormer Prisoner Arrested in I Just Got Out of Prison" T-Shirt May Be Going Back

And whatever it is he did.Related StoriesCongratulations on Not Catching Jack the RipperGeoffrey Chaucer Cleared of Rape AllegationRussian Lawmaker Says He Wants Alaska Back

No longer a baby, but somehow still a plaintiff.Related StoriesPlaintiff Aghast That Her Peanut Butter Pumpkins HAD NO EYESPlaintiff Alleges Boneless Wings" Are Really Mislabeled NuggetsLawsuit Claims Mac & Cheese May Take Seconds Longer to Make Than Promised

In this edition: police catch the elusive Tire-Slasher of Vastogiardi; the Florida Joker thinks GTA6 stole his identity; and a lawyer argues cocaine may have "a positive effect on one's cognitive abilities."Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #158Assorted Stupidity #157Assorted Stupidity #156

And yet the police still seem to have screwed this up.Related StoriesNicholas Rossi's World Tour Continues: Now Appearing in UtahFormer Fugitive Extradited, Briefly De-TrouseredChiefsAholic" Indicted for Robbing Banks to Fund ChiefAholism

And yet further controversy looms.

They wouldn't pay rent, but did manage to scrape together enough to pay a lawyer.

From 1994 but worth saving.Related StoriesI Was in Spain

While wearing a gimp suit, at least.Related StoriesSith Lord Who Stalked Queen Gets Nine Years for Treason; AI Girlfriend Not ChargedJudge: F-Word No Longer Has Sufficient Shock Value" to Be a Problem at Work

In this edition: Rossi finally extradited, judge texts during murder trial, firm in trouble for "rummaging" through opponent's Dropbox account, and more.Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #157Assorted Stupidity #156Assorted Stupidity #155

"He's not a terrorist," one supporter said. True, but he's not a lawyer, either.Related StoriesI Really Regret the Matter," Says Driver Fined $129K for SpeedingDisgraced Lawyer's Crocodile Shoes Sold for $1062Does It Violate the Ethics Rules to Cheat on an Ethics Test?

Prosecuted under the Treason Act 1842, just one of the many Treason Acts they have to choose from over there.Related StoriesAlleged Somerset Gimp" Ordered Not to Wriggle or Writhe in PublicChiefsAholic" Indicted for Robbing Banks to Fund ChiefAholismFeds: Unlicensed Alien Guide Offered Gall Bladders and Women During Illegal Bear Hunt

I'm more worried about robots taking them.Related StoriesSurveillance-Camera Thief Captures Complete Record of His CrimeCalifornia Supreme Court: We Don't Think Bees Are FishCalifornia County Bans Wild Cow Milking

But now I'm not.

Not a water-escape attempt, in my view, but still not a great idea.Related StoriesCan You Claim a Reasonable Expectation of Privacy as a Guest If You Killed Your Hosts?Jury to Decide Whether Officers Have Qualified Immunity for Tasing a Guy in the Crotch

In this edition: a less-successful escape attempt involving Jet Skis; why you should hope your judge's team wins the big game; doom-and-squalor tour canceled; etc. A dead ferret is also mentioned.Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #156Assorted Stupidity #155Assorted Stupidity #154

Don't try it, just make a note of the planning that would be required.Related StoriesYet More Unsuccessful Water Escapes

A noble cause, but still.Related StoriesNicholas Rossi Will Be Extradited-or Will He?Feds: Unlicensed Alien Guide Offered Gall Bladders and Women During Illegal Bear HuntI Really Regret the Matter," Says Driver Fined $129K for Speeding

I almost hate to see this saga end.Related StoriesSuspect Claiming Mistaken Identity Says Someone Tattooed Him Without His KnowledgeChiefsAholic" Indicted for Robbing Banks to Fund ChiefAholismCourt Tosses Lawsuit Claiming Mac & Cheese Took Too Long to Make

This still doesn't work.Related StoriesPlease Make a Note of the Planning Required for a Successful Water Escape

As predicted.Related StoriesNicholas Rossi Will Be Extradited-or Will He?Lawsuit Claims Mac & Cheese May Take Seconds Longer to Make Than PromisedSuspect Claiming Mistaken Identity Says Someone Tattooed Him Without His Knowledge

At least six crimes here and that's just what I could fit in the headline.Related StoriesChiefsAholic" Indicted for Robbing Banks to Fund ChiefAholismI Really Regret the Matter," Says Driver Fined $129K for SpeedingAuthor of How to Murder Your Husband" Convicted of Murdering Husband

In this edition: ChatGPT, an ethics test, a less-than-perfect crime, and the impending extradition of Nicholas Rossi.Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #155Assorted Stupidity #154Assorted Stupidity #153

In which we consider whether a canoe qualifies as a "vessel."Related StoriesPiano Man Convicted of Driving Piano While Under the InfluenceCanadian Democracy Survives Cinnamon-Bun Scandal

Go figure.Related StoriesJudge: F-Word No Longer Has Sufficient Shock Value" to Be a Problem at WorkFrench Court Recognizes Basic Human Right Not to Be Fun"Geoffrey Chaucer Cleared of Rape Allegation

It sounds very tasty.Related StoriesBill Would Establish Official State Aroma

Not his first offense, but it was his first six-figure fine.Related StoriesAuthor of How to Murder Your Husband" Convicted of Murdering HusbandRussian Lawmaker Says He Wants Alaska BackJury to Decide Whether Officers Have Qualified Immunity for Tasing a Guy in the Crotch

Unwise.Related StoriesGood Reason to Kill #77: Summoned Bigfoot to Kill You First

A light sentence, considering.Related StoriesSurveillance-Camera Thief Captures Complete Record of His CrimeSuspect Claiming Mistaken Identity Says Someone Tattooed Him Without His KnowledgeREMINDER: Choose an Alias That Doesn't Already Appear on a Warrant

Another conundrum.Related StoriesNinth Circuit Says Expressive Honking Not Protected by First AmendmentMontana Bill Would Ban Teaching ScienceAre Honeybees a Dangerous Weapon"?

In this edition: still not mistaken identity, how not to hire hitmen, and more. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #154Assorted Stupidity #153Assorted Stupidity #152

He also wasn't insured and his piano didn't have the right plates.

But you should feel free to gesture to express how you feel about this opinion. Related StoriesNinth Circuit Says Expressive Honking Not Protected by First AmendmentThe Best Brief Ever Written Is an Amicus Brief on Behalf of The OnionCan You Claim a Reasonable Expectation of Privacy as a Guest If You Killed Your Hosts?

Surprisingly, I haven't been required to do this yet. Related StoriesDefendant Sentenced to Law School

Will our country ever be the same? Probably.

I have mixed emotions about this one but ultimately come down on the side of the shark. Related StoriesDogs Object to Bill Making It Illegal to Stick Their Heads Out of Car WindowsAre Honeybees a “Dangerous Weapon”?California Supreme Court: We Don't Think Bees Are Fish

That is, made from breast meat like nuggets, not from the chicken's actual nuggets. Related StoriesLawsuit Claims Mac & Cheese May Take Seconds Longer to Make Than PromisedNirvana Beats Former Baby's LawsuitTwenty-One-Octillion-Dollar Demand Still Not a Record

In this edition: why lawyers maybe shouldn't testify in their own defense, people who don't understand what GPS does, other things. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #153Assorted Stupidity #152Assorted Stupidity #151