Lowering the Bar

We can't say for sure he isn't a CIA agent, but the other claims didn't check out. Related StoriesCourt Rejects Alleged Iguana-Killer's “Stand Your Ground” Defense“Ludicrous” Defenses Rejected in Twisted Sister Copyright CaseMan Charged With Driving Stolen Car Appears for Zoom Hearing From Inside Another Stolen Car

They weren't gonna take it, and as it turned out, they didn't have to. Related StoriesCourt Rejects Alleged Iguana-Killer's “Stand Your Ground” DefenseMan Claims to Be Four Kinds of Federal Agent During Single Traffic StopBeware of Fez-Wearers Making Bogus Demands

Also a full-body MRI, although that part was actually reasonable. Related StoriesSuit on Behalf of “Donard J. Trump” DismissedLook Who's Back, Now Filing Lawsuits on Behalf of “Donard J. Trump”Trump Legal Team's Record So Far: Bad

I wouldn't call them that, but you might. Related StoriesHouston Water Escape: Another Exception That Proves the Rule?Woman Charged With Felony for Failing to Return Sabrina the Teenage WitchA Farewell to Madoff

In this edition: a legal-ethics update, a fairly crazy West Virginia case, and a reminder that only in Monopoly will there be a bank error in your favor. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #143Assorted Stupidity #142Assorted Stupidity #141

She rented it when movies were stored as magnetic data in cassettes known as "VHS." Related StoriesBarge Captains Caught After What You Might Call “Chases”A Farewell to MadoffAlleged Arsonists Say They Set Fires to Get Rid of Snakes

One of the few examples of a W59.22XA you're likely to see.

And it worked. Related StoriesSaudi Divorce Rate Spikes During Lockdown; Wives Reportedly Learning of “Secret Marriages”

He was the best in the world at something, but unfortunately, it was fraud. Related StoriesAlleged Arsonists Say They Set Fires to Get Rid of SnakesHouston Water Escape: Another Exception That Proves the Rule?Moms Arrested for Hacking Cheerleading and Homecoming-Queen Competitions

At long last, we have a comprehensive answer to this important question. Related StoriesOklahoma Legislator Proposes Big Foot Hunting SeasonDoes the Eighth Amendment's Excessive Fines Clause Apply to Parking-Meter Violations?Can You Sue a Dead Person?

He has another Zoom hearing next week, so maybe he will keep the streak alive. Related StoriesZoom Hearing Ends When Defendant Turns Out to Be in Alleged Victim's ApartmentNaked Fugitive Found in Croc-Infested SwampProsecutors* Try to Drop Charges Against Themselves

It also doesn't allow "chanting" in public schools, just so you know. Related StoriesCity Plans to Call Off Its 13-Year War on Saggy Pants

Not clear yet whether it worked. Related StoriesHouston Water Escape: Another Exception That Proves the Rule?Moms Arrested for Hacking Cheerleading and Homecoming-Queen CompetitionsFake-Your-Own-Kidnapping Ploy Fails Again

It's a little surprising the process took four years in this case. Related StoriesLawyer Whose Pants Caught Fire Is Still a Hot MessDisbarment for Lawyer Caught With Zipper DownLawyer Suspended for Advice on How to “Make It Look Like Self-Defense”

In this edition: creative car financing, a cat burglar, goat liberation, a couple of coronavirus things, and the continuing risks of karaoke. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #142Assorted Stupidity #141Assorted Stupidity #140 (Sedition Edition)

These people haven't been found, but that doesn't mean they've escaped. Related StoriesThings That Fail: Ponzi Schemes, Water EscapesAlleged Arsonists Say They Set Fires to Get Rid of SnakesMoms Arrested for Hacking Cheerleading and Homecoming-Queen Competitions

In which the separation-of-powers doctrine is invoked in defense of font freedom. Related StoriesLook Who's Back, Now Filing Lawsuits on Behalf of “Donard J. Trump”Alabama's Ginormous Constitution Will Be “Recompiled,” Made Less RacistA Four-Thousand-Word Sentence

Sure, these were felonies, but then the stakes couldn't have been any higher. Related StoriesHouston Water Escape: Another Exception That Proves the Rule?Fake-Your-Own-Kidnapping Ploy Fails AgainMan Ordered to Stop Doing Autopsies Because He's Not, Like, a Doctor or Anything

If you've been wondering whether the activities shown in music videos are illegal, this is the channel for you. Related StoriesZoom Hearing Ends When Defendant Turns Out to Be in Alleged Victim's ApartmentCourt: Doctor, Please Don't Operate on Patients During This Zoom Trial

The video also involves a much less dramatic hearsay objection. Related Stories“Is That a Rocket Launcher?”—Criminal Lawyer ReactsCourt: Doctor, Please Don't Operate on Patients During This Zoom TrialNaked Fugitive Found in Croc-Infested Swamp

In this edition: no good deed goes unlitigated, checking the wrong box costs someone $1 billion, Capitol rioters can't keep their mouths shut, and another human loses a cockfight. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #141Assorted Stupidity #140 (Sedition Edition)Assorted Stupidity #139

"It looks like you're in an operating room right now," the clerk said, and indeed he was. Related Stories“Is That a Rocket Launcher?”—Criminal Lawyer ReactsZoom Hearing Ends When Defendant Turns Out to Be in Alleged Victim's Apartment

Well, it was *temporarily* resolved with the power saw, at least. Related StoriesCourt Invalidates Result of Rock-Paper-Scissors Match

Apparently calling in sick didn't work. Related Stories“The Facts Are Unusual,” Says Judge About Acquittal in Mistaken-Home-Invasion-Broom-Sex-Fantasy CaseLawyer Whose Pants Caught Fire Is Still a Hot MessMan Ordered to Stop Doing Autopsies Because He's Not, Like, a Doctor or Anything

His "vehicle collision" argument suggests he's just been phoning it in anyway. Related StoriesFake-Your-Own-Kidnapping Ploy Fails AgainDisbarment for Lawyer Caught With Zipper DownLawyer Suspended for Advice on How to “Make It Look Like Self-Defense”

No great surprise here. In fact, no surprise at all. The lawsuit that Orly Taitz filed last month (see “Look Who’s Back, Now Filing Lawsuits on Behalf of ‘Donard J. Trump,'” (Jan. 29, 2021)), asking a federal court in California... Related StoriesLook Who's Back, Now Filing Lawsuits on Behalf of “Donard J. Trump”Trump Legal Team's Record So Far: BadPro-Virus Floridians Challenge Mask Mandate

It would be one of about a dozen official saurians in the United States. Related StoriesOfficial State Crap: Hawaii

It actually speaks, in fact. Related StoriesUnited States v. Five Hundred and Twelve OttersLawyer Files Document “Under Plenty of Perjury”Court Says Lawyer's “Colorful Insults” Did Not Help His Clients' Case

In this edition: a sovereign citizen, other bad semi-lawyers, campaign-fund stealers, and people who forget to turn off their webcams. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #140 (Sedition Edition)Assorted Stupidity #139Assorted Stupidity #138

An unsurprising result under the circumstances. Related StoriesLawyer Suspended for Advice on How to “Make It Look Like Self-Defense”“Legal Genius” Pleads Guilty to FraudThe $65-Million-Pants Case: Year 16

Like I've said before, she may be a perfectly good dentist. Related StoriesNope, Twitter Isn't Violating the First AmendmentTrump Legal Team's Record So Far: BadAlabama's Ginormous Constitution Will Be “Recompiled,” Made Less Racist

By "it" I mean "murder," in case that wasn't clear. Related StoriesDisbarment for Lawyer Caught With Zipper Down“Legal Genius” Pleads Guilty to FraudThe $65-Million-Pants Case: Year 16

Sic. Related StoriesIt Is No Longer a Crime to Impersonate Smokey BearPork-Product Proposal Perturbs Parliamentarians; Prompts Pummeling, Pig-Part PeltingWearing Masks: Legally Required, but Also Illegal

This headline doesn't refer to Donald Trump, but maybe by next week a similar one will. Related StoriesFine, Get in the Sea, CrooksThings That Fail: Ponzi Schemes, Water EscapesProsecutors* Try to Drop Charges Against Themselves

The stupid shows no signs of diminishing. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #139Assorted Stupidity #138Assorted Stupidity #137

It makes things a lot easier for the people who are coming to arrest you. Related StoriesRapper Who Rapped About Committing Fraud Arrested for Fraud

Not a real case name, but some real ones are just as weird. Related StoriesCan You Sue a Dead Person?Court Invalidates Result of Rock-Paper-Scissors Match

Impersonating Woodsy Owl has also been legalized. Related StoriesPork-Product Proposal Perturbs Parliamentarians; Prompts Pummeling, Pig-Part Pelting

And was it a member of Trump's legal team? Why, yes. Yes it was. Related StoriesCourt Says Lawyer's “Colorful Insults” Did Not Help His Clients' CaseAttorney Charged With Criminal Mischief for Egging Judge's CarTip: “BOOM SHAKALAKA” May Not Be Best Response to Contempt Petition

Not really a field where you can just hang out your shingle and learn by doing. Related StoriesThings That Fail: Ponzi Schemes, Water Escapes“Legal Genius” Pleads Guilty to FraudJailers Who Subjected Inmates to “Baby Shark” Face Cruelty Charges

In this edition: Scotch eggs, voter fraud, a Maltese eagle, and two trips from Land's End to John o' Groats (one going way too fast, the other one naked). Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #138Assorted Stupidity #137Assorted Stupidity #136

This isn't about the Shriners, whose demands are typically valid and for a good cause. Related Stories“Motion to Declare Trump Victorious” Filed in PennsylvaniaYour Honor, I Direct You to Article 61 of the Magna Carta“The Facts Are Unusual,” Says Judge About Acquittal in Mistaken-Home-Invasion-Broom-Sex-Fantasy Case

How much alliteration is too much? This much.

Like many bad things, its exact badness is hard to quantify. Related Stories“Motion to Declare Trump Victorious” Filed in PennsylvaniaLeader's Right to Take Office QuestionedAlabama's Ginormous Constitution Will Be “Recompiled,” Made Less Racist

It's nuts, and has about the same chance of success as what the lawyers have been filing. Related StoriesBeware of Fez-Wearers Making Bogus DemandsTrump Legal Team's Record So Far: BadLeader's Right to Take Office Questioned

And this story involves both of them. Related Stories“Legal Genius” Pleads Guilty to FraudJailers Who Subjected Inmates to “Baby Shark” Face Cruelty ChargesFine, Get in the Sea, Crooks

A dramatic challenge to democracy and the right not to wear shoes. Related StoriesTrump Legal Team's Record So Far: Bad“Motion to Declare Trump Victorious” Filed in PennsylvaniaAlabama's Ginormous Constitution Will Be “Recompiled,” Made Less Racist

Probably not even openly racist at all, for the first time since 1875. Related StoriesThe Middle Finger and the LawTrump Legal Team's Record So Far: Bad“Motion to Declare Trump Victorious” Filed in Pennsylvania

In this edition: nothing at all related to the election. Okay, one thing that is sort of related to it, but all others, not. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #137Assorted Stupidity #136Assorted Stupidity #135

You just can't please some people. Related StoriesYet Again, Gravitational Risks Held to Be “Obvious”Court Says You Can't Bang Gongs Near a HospitalBuyer of Soon-to-Be-Ex-Parrot Wins Implied-Warranty Claim