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on (#60AEF)
HGTV makes home renovations look fast, easy, and fun, but the truth is, they have a dark side. The Onion asked the network’s stars how they cut corners behind the scenes, and this is what they said.Read more...
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The Onion
| Link | https://theonion.com/ |
| Feed | https://www.theonion.com/rss |
| Updated | 2025-09-18 16:33 |
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on (#609ZJ)
WASHINGTON—In keeping with its mission to address the nation’s environmental challenges, the Department of Energy introduced a new program Monday that provides pedestrians and cyclists with economic incentives to switch to electric vehicles. “As the effects of climate change worsen, we can no longer rely upon…Read more...
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on (#607PA)
The FBI have arrested Ryan Kelley, one of five Michigan Republican gubernatorial candidates, for his role in the Jan. 6 attack on the U.S. Capitol, after a video captured Kelley in a crowd assaulting and pushing past Capitol police. What do you think?Read more...
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on (#607PB)
American Idol debuted on June 11, 2002, and the reality singing competition has delivered its share of crazy moments over its 20 seasons and counting. The Onion looks back at the show’s most memorable moments as American Idol celebrates its 20th anniversary.
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on (#607H9)
WASHINGTON—Outraged by reports of the family-friendly LGBTQ pride events, conservative pundits and lawmakers across the country warned Friday that watching drag queen performances could turn children into attention seekers. “Our impressionable young children are at risk of becoming brash, bold performers attempting to…Read more...
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on (#607EG)
BISMARCK, ND—Explaining that they wanted to be prepared on the off-chance there might be interest, North Dakota officials announced Friday that the state had finished construction on a billion-dollar stadium just in case some NFL franchise got desperate. “Look, we know we’re not anybody’s top choice, but we figured…Read more...
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on (#607EH)
NORFOLK, VA—In a dark, 30-second spot that has reportedly shocked and disgusted millions of viewers, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals ran an unsettling ad Friday in which a sobbing hamburger is seen giving a man a blow job. “Does this look ethical to you?” read words that appear onscreen in the commercial,…Read more...
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on (#607B7)
Brands, take note: Everyone can tell when you’re being supportive vs. when you’re being cringe. In honor of Pride Month, here are the most misguided corporate pride campaigns of all time.Read more...
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on (#6077V)
LOS ANGELES—Reflecting on the relationship portrayed in the iconic 1993 blockbuster, Laura Dern and her co-starring T. rex spoke to reporters Friday and reconsidered their 68 million year age gap in the original Jurassic Park film. “It just seems a bit inappropriate that someone who grew up in the late Cretaceous…Read more...
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on (#6077W)
PARIS—Calling the drug the perfect solution for people who struggled to enjoy themselves, pharmaceutical company Sanofi unveiled Friday a new formulation of Ambien that it described as an extended-release, 48-hour weekend getaway sleeping pill. “Take just one of these pills Friday evening, and you’ll wake up Sunday…Read more...
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on (#60747)
BUENOS AIRES—In a statement expressing deep contrition for its role in harboring the infernal criminals, the government of Argentina confirmed Thursday that hundreds of demons hid out in the nation for decades after the Great War Between Heaven and Hell. “Today, we apologize for our nation’s unforgivable choice…Read more...
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on (#60746)
This summer, every state will be rolling out 988 as the new National Suicide Prevention Lifeline number to call for mental health crises, similar to how people can call 911 for medical emergencies. What do you think?Read more...
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on (#606AB)
A new poll found that 44% of Republican voters surveyed say that mass shootings are “something we have to accept as part of a free society,” while 85% of Democrats and 73% of Independents say they are preventable “if we really tried.” What do you think?Read more...
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on (#6067P)
WASHINGTON—In an effort to prevent further gun deaths among minors, Congress passed a new law Thursday safeguarding 50 million children from threats of gun violence by adding them to the Supreme Court. “This law will do the important work of protecting these kids from those who wish to harm them with guns by putting…Read more...
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on (#605TT)
On Feb. 24, 2022, Russia invaded Ukraine. The Onion interviewed Ukrainians and asked them to reflect on the first 100 days of war. This is what they said.Read more...
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on (#604C6)
Friday, June 3, marked 100 days since Russia launched an invasion of Ukraine, and the war shows no signs of ending. The Onion looks back at the conflict’s key events so far.
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on (#6049X)
Apple has revealed that users will soon be able to delete and edit iMessages after they have been sent, a feature that will be available later this year in an iOS 16 update. What do you think?Read more...
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on (#6049W)
SAN FRANCISCO—In an effort to make transactions “easier than ever,” financial services conglomerate Visa announced Wednesday that consumers could now insert, swipe, tap, bend, clap, roll, shove, throw, dangle, slide, or whack their cards to complete a purchase. “Push it, bounce it, bash it, scratch it—using your Visa…Read more...
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on (#6049T)
The National Rifle Association continues to be a major lobbying force in American politics, shaping the agenda in Washington through targeted donations. The Onion asked members of Congress why they accepted these donations, and this is how they responded.Read more...
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on (#6049S)
CLEVELAND—In the wake of news headlines detailing yet another scandal involving the NFL quarterback, Deshaun Watson admitted to reporters Wednesday that he was seriously rethinking his life choices after finding himself on the Cleveland Browns. “There’s no clearer sign that you’ve completely hit rock bottom than…Read more...
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on (#6049R)
MILWAUKEE—Amid a continuing labor shortage impacting small towns and cities across the country, officials warned Wednesday that the inability to fill lifeguard positions could postpone thousands of sexual awakenings. “Without anyone jogging along the beach while their breasts move up and down in slow motion, we fear…Read more...
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on (#603J0)
Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis blocked state funding for a new Tampa Bay Rays training facility in part because the baseball team spoke out against gun violence in the wake of back-to-back gun-related massacres in Uvalde, TX and Buffalo, NY. What do you think?Read more...
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on (#603EE)
WASHINGTON—Delivering a stern warning to all 330 million Americans, the nation’s moms announced at a press conference Tuesday that there are some real nutty people out there. “You really have to be alert out there, because you never know who’s a bit off,” Martha Thorburn said on behalf of the country’s mothers, while…Read more...
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on (#603EF)
WASHINGTON—In the aftermath of a deadly rampage that stretched from coast to coast, authorities reported Tuesday that more than 330 million Americans had been found dead following yet another mass shooting. “The perpetrator was a lone gunman who slayed victims in more than 30,000 cities, towns, and villages across the…Read more...
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on (#60395)
MINNEAPOLIS—Instructing law enforcement on the proper procedures to follow after they carry out the extrajudicial killing of a suspect or civilian bystander, a new cultural sensitivity course reportedly seeks to teach police about the different end-of-life rituals observed by the many people they gun down. “Sure, a…Read more...
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on (#60351)
With gas prices averaging nearly $5 per gallon, many drivers are struggling to stay afloat. The Onion asked everyday Americans how gas prices have affected them, and this is what they said.Read more...
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on (#602X6)
Archaeologists in Iraq discovered the ruins of a 3,400-year-old lost city, complete with a palace and a sprawling fort, after extreme drought severely depleted water levels in the country’s largest reservoir. What do you think?Read more...
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on (#602X4)
SAN ANTONIO—Following her triumph last week in the Scripps National Spelling Bee, teen spelling champion Harini Logan has committed to spell next year for the University of California, Los Angeles, officials at the college announced Tuesday. “We’re thrilled that Harini has agreed to join us as a Bruin, and we can’t…Read more...
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on (#602X3)
BOSTON—Describing the curriculum as a way to help children recognize the value of their own imaginations, teachers from Montessori Sunday School Guidepost Academy told reporters this week that they strongly encouraged students to invent their own gods. “While more traditionally minded Sunday schools might teach only…Read more...
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on (#60206)
FORT MEADE, MD—Praised as a leader in centering people from groups not traditionally represented onscreen, the National Security Agency was honored Monday for its diversity in surveillance footage. “In a time when people from marginalized communities long ignored in the media have to fight for space on the screen, the…Read more...
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on (#601WN)
PHILADELPHIA—In the days following a violent rampage in the South Street area of Philadelphia in which multiple gunmen killed at least three individuals and injured 11 others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Monday that there was no way to…Read more...
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on (#601WP)
CHATTANOOGA, TN—In the days following a violent rampage in which three were left dead and 14 injured after gunfire erupted outside a Tennessee nightclub, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Monday that there was no way to prevent the massacre…Read more...
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on (#601TB)
WASHINGTON—After carefully smoothing and folding the garment he’d worn for almost three decades, retiring Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer turned in his robes Monday, according to sources who saw him exiting his chambers completely nude. “The past 28 years have been an incredible journey, but it’s time to give…Read more...
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on (#601R5)
Despite an alarming uptick in mass shootings in the United States, many Americans still support the right to own assault weapons. The Onion asked everyday citizens why they feel this way, and this is what they said.Read more...
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on (#601KY)
A study has found that trained dogs are better at detecting positive Covid cases than a rapid antigen test, with the dogs in the research study accurately identifying 97% of positive cases and taking an estimated 15 seconds to analyze each possible Covid sample. What do you think?Read more...
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on (#601KX)
IRVING, TX—Calling the product a “game changer” for menstruators with active lifestyles, feminine hygiene brand Kotex announced Friday the release of Expedition, a new line of tampons that includes a very long string so wearers can easily trace their way back home. “Now you can have your period and have your outdoor…Read more...
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on (#601KW)
CINCINNATI—Suddenly expressing a curiosity about the recreational stimulant he had enjoyed as a young adult, local man Terry Coburn, 58, reportedly asked his daughter this week if they still made cocaine. “Oh man, there used to be this stuff that was amazing, what was it called? Oh yeah, cocaine! Do they still make…Read more...
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on (#601KT)
WASHINGTON—In a nationwide study regarding Americans’ preferences of airborne spherical objects, the Pew Research Center found Monday that balloons still ranked first as the nation’s favorite floating orb. “We discovered that balloons far and away ranked as the No. 1 hovering globe across the country,” said study…Read more...
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on (#5ZZG7)
French President Emmanuel Macron gave Queen Elizabeth a horse belonging to the French Republican Guard to mark her jubilee, describing the monarch as the “golden thread” that bound France and Britain during her 70-year reign. What do you think?Read more...
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on (#5ZZG8)
WASHINGTON—With eyes bloodshot and suit disheveled as he entered his 16th hour at the podium, President Joe Biden is now just delivering a continuous, up-to-the-minute speech mourning victims of mass shootings across the United States, sources reported Friday. “At this hour, we gather to mourn the carnage in—actually,…Read more...
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on (#5ZZC4)
COLLEGE STATION, TX—In a new discovery that could have stunning implications for the field of primatology, scientists from Texas A&M University published a study Friday identifying the common friend once shared by humans and chimps. “Approximately 8 million years ago, humans and chimpanzees shared a pal named Robby,…Read more...
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on (#5ZZ6Z)
LARGO, OH—In an effort to keep students and faculty ready should the situation ever arise, a local middle school was reportedly practicing the drill Thursday for what to do when there’s not an active shooter. “Attention teachers and students: For the next 10 minutes, we will proceed as if there is not a school…Read more...
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