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on (#5T547)
AmazonSmile, the company’s charity program that gives .5% from purchases to designated nonprofits, reportedly donated more than $40,000 to anti-vaccine groups in 2020, with a spokesperson saying they respect “a wide variety of viewpoints on the matter.” What do you think?Read more...
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| Link | https://politics.theonion.com/ |
| Feed | https://politics.theonion.com/rss |
| Updated | 2024-11-23 15:45 |
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on (#5T4FD)
The University of Florida is investigating possible violations of its research integrity policy following a report claiming “external pressure” to destroy evidence and delay publication of Covid-19 data. What do you think?Read more...
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on (#5T4FE)
ASBURY PARK, NJ—Following years of languishing at the local steel mill under low pay and frequent mistreatment, Grammy Award-winning musician Bruce Springsteen reportedly relished finally telling off his foreman Thursday after Sony purchased his masters and songwriting catalog for $500 million. “I tell you what, Lou,…Read more...
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on (#5T4FF)
WASHINGTON—Denouncing the Biden administration’s plan to replace every lead pipe in the nation’s water systems, critics warned Thursday that such an initiative would put millions of potential murder weapons into circulation across American cities. “The president is proposing a dangerous new government program that…Read more...
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on (#5T405)
Like most years, 2021 featured a bunch of famous people dying. The Onion looks back at those we lost in 2021.Read more...
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on (#5T3TC)
SAN ANTONIO, TX—Coming clean about his off-the-court exploits during his 19 years in the NBA, former San Antonio Spurs power forward Tim Duncan reportedly claimed Thursday that he has helped over 20,000 women with sensible retirement planning. “In my playing days, every city we played in, I had at least a couple women…Read more...
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on (#5T3TB)
A South Dakota junior hockey team and mortgage lender are apologizing after organizing a widely panned event in which school teachers scrambled to grab dollar bills off the ice during a game’s intermission to pay for classroom supplies. What do you think?Read more...
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on (#5T3T9)
LOS ANGELES—Apologizing for their blind spot in casting predominantly white actors in the first few seasons, the creators behind the TV show Family Of Five made up for a lack of diverse characters Thursday with a guy who says “abuelita” a lot. “In years past, we took the easy route and ignored diversity, but thanks to…Read more...
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on (#5T38Q)
Reddit and TikTok users are spamming Kellogg’s job portal with fake applications after the company announced it would replace 1,400 striking union workers, crashing the site. What do you think?Read more...
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on (#5T31X)
“Mr. President, you must go out immediately to address the rioters and tell them to watch Hannity at 9/8 Central.”Read more...
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on (#5T2Z5)
COOPERSTOWN, NY—Claiming the former outfielder had no place in the Hall during an intense moment as the event entered its second hour, Alex Rodriguez slammed Manny Ramirez Wednesday for lackluster fielding over the course of his career during the Major League Baseball Hall of Fame candidate debate. “To all the Hall o…Read more...
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on (#5T2Z6)
Wow, sometimes the power of gaming to bring people together simply cannot be denied, and while we don’t have a specific story right now that proves this point, we wanted to express the general sentiment.Read more...
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on (#5T2Z7)
LOS ANGELES—Numerous arguments had reportedly broken out in the concession areas Wednesday among Lakers fans frustrated with the volatile hot dog prices in the newly christened Crypto.com Arena. “This is bullshit, I was here 30 minutes ago and bought an $8 hot dog, and now I’m back and a single hot dog costs $16,000,”…Read more...
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on (#5T2WW)
It’s always a good idea to be nice to the person driving you, especially if they’re being abused by the gig economy at your expense. Try not to say these things the next time you’re in a car with a rideshare driver.Read more...
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on (#5T2WX)
WASHINGTON—Stressing that the “revolutionary treatment” could change the way we fight the novel coronavirus, drug manufacturer Pfizer was granted emergency use authorization Wednesday for a pill that kills you before Covid can. “After several months of testing, Pfizer has successfully created an oral medication…Read more...
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on (#5T2WY)
Initially viewed by many as a merely multi-week problem early in 2020, the coronavirus continued to spread throughout 2021 as people everywhere struggled to adapt to a new normal. The Onion looks back at key moments in Covid’s 2021 trajectory.
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on (#5T2D6)
The U.S. is facing a nationwide shortage of Santa Claus performers due to labor shortages—as well as health and safety concerns over Covid-19—while demand is up 120% from pre-pandemic levels. What do you think?Read more...
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on (#5T1WM)
Elon Musk, the CEO of Tesla and SpaceX, has been named Time magazine’s Person Of The Year for 2021, a tradition the magazine says recognizes a person, movement, or group that had the most influence in the past year. What do you think?Read more...
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on (#5T1W9)
EDWARDSVILLE, IL—Following last week’s deadly tornado strike on one of its warehouses, Amazon fired all employees at the facility who failed to clock out after they were buried in the rubble of the collapsing building, sources within the online retailer confirmed Tuesday. “If your time card does accurately reflect…Read more...
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on (#5T1WA)
SAN ANTONIO—Following the removal of thousands of volumes from the district’s shelves, sources confirmed Tuesday that Bradley Middle School’s unbanned books were down to three copies of Tom Clancy’s Threat Vector. “We feel fairly confident that there are no themes of wokeness or anti-racism in the 17th novel of the…Read more...
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on (#5T1MH)
LOS ANGELES—In a three-minute reel that suggests another batch of wacky hijinks were in store for the teenage superhero, a trailer for a new Marvel film revealed Wednesday that Spider-Man was once more up to his wild, web-slinging antics. “Oh, Spider-Man, you’re back to your old tricks again, aren’t you?” said viewer…Read more...
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on (#5T16A)
WASHINGTON—Noting the razor-thin leads that could be overcome with a minimal amount of bloodshed, pundits confirmed Tuesday that all the GOP needed to take the House of Representatives in 2022 was for a few key assassinations to break their way. “We’re seeing a number of races across the country with vulnerable…Read more...
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on (#5T169)
Switzerland has legalized new Sarco suicide pods, 3D-printed capsules that fill with nitrogen gas, which creators say will allow users to fall unconscious and die a painless death. What do you think?Read more...
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on (#5T168)
MADISON, WI—Alarmed by what they called “a major oversight,” Wisconsin Republicans warned Tuesday that a loophole in a new bill could still allow teachers to sing about critical race theory. “Though the current version of Senate Bill 411 explicitly bars teachers from talking about critical race theory in the…Read more...
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on (#5T167)
Most psychologists recommend at least 60 days before chastising your child for grieving.Read more...
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on (#5T0GP)
Fox News anchor Chris Wallace announced that he is departing the network after two decades and joining CNN’s new streaming service CNN+ to host a weekday show. What do you think?Read more...
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on (#5T0CF)
NEW YORK—In a desperate move to stabilize the nonprofit organization amid continual threats to its funding, Planned Parenthood announced Monday that in order to shore up its finances it had been forced to sell its fetus bulldozer. “While it is unfortunate to get rid of an essential piece of machinery that helps with…Read more...
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on (#5SX1G)
Russia’s military buildup on Ukraine’s border has stoked the threat of war, the latest escalation in a long historical conflict. The Onion looks at key moments in the timeline of the Russia-Ukraine conflict.
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on (#5SX1F)
Don’t start your marriage off on the wrong foot by destroying your already-pathetic internet presence. If you’re announcing your engagement on Instagram, avoid these captions at all costs.Read more...
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on (#5SWV8)
Instagram has started offering “take a break” reminders if users have been scrolling on the social media app for too long, pinging people after 10, 20 or 30 minutes of scrolling to suggest that they switch activities. What do you think?Read more...
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Executives Urge Boycott Of Kellogg’s After CEO Receives Insulting Salary Offer Of $11 Million A Year
on (#5SWAM)
BATTLE CREEK, MI—Flooding social media with posts encouraging consumers to take action, executives reportedly urged a boycott of Kellogg’s Thursday after CEO Steve Cahillane received an insulting salary offer of just $11 million a year. “We’re calling on everyone to hold the line and not purchase any Kellogg’s…Read more...
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on (#5SW9B)
Massachusetts-based cannabis company MariMed, Inc. has baked the world’s largest pot brownie, weighing 850 pounds, measuring three feet wide, and containing 20,000 mg of THC. What do you think?Read more...
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on (#5SW9C)
BROOMFIELD, CO—In a move that many have criticized as rash and insensitive, inside sources confirmed Thursday that CEO Tim Casey of the baked goods conglomerate Mrs. Fields was under fire for laying off more than 1,000 employees via an oversized frosted cookie cake. “If you’ve been invited to take a bite of this…Read more...
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on (#5SW6D)
WASHINGTON—Bristling at the suggestion that more could be done to maintain good oral hygiene, White House press secretary Jen Psaki reportedly snapped at her dentist Thursday, questioning whether he seriously expected her to brush every night. “What exactly is the core premise of this line of questioning, Dr. Hoffman?…Read more...
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on (#5SW3J)
Dang, we have some really unhappy news to share with gaming fans today, news that it brings us no pleasure to write about: Unfortunately, it appears now is not the time for idle merriment.Read more...
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on (#5SW3K)
NAMPA, ID—Stewing with anxiety and unable to sleep while fretting over what he was capable of, local fantasy football owner Max Sheridan was struggling with his morality Thursday after absolutely swindling his friend who was in last place. “He just recognized the name Matt Ryan, he thought he was getting a star, and I…Read more...
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on (#5SVYB)
Rep. Devin Nunes, (R-CA) will resign from Congress next month to become chief executive of former President Donald Trump’s fledgling social media company, despite having no prior tech industry experience. What do you think?Read more...
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on (#5SVYC)
“I’m against outsourcing any job that can be better accomplished by these American fists.”Read more...
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on (#5STR3)
PYONGYANG—Feverishly anticipating the moment when he can return to his cherished pastime, North Korean leader Kim Jong-un told reporters Wednesday that he was eagerly waiting for his inner circle to get big enough so he can begin executing people again. “Man, I’ve been giving out a lot of promotions to grow party…Read more...
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on (#5STR4)
PORTLAND—Expressing a willingness to work with Portland on figuring out the best deal for both parties, Damian Lillard told reporters Wednesday that he has provided the Trailblazers with a list of 12,482 preferred trade destinations. “My list definitely includes the Lakers, the Nets, any Euroleague team, and every…Read more...
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on (#5STJS)
Look, gamers, we hate social studies quizzes as much as the next guy, but it would be in all of our best interests if we just kept our heads down and got it done as soon as possible. Why, you ask? Were you even listening? Mrs. Thompson said we might get to play Minecraft if we can all finish by 11:45.Read more...
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on (#5STJT)
CLEVELAND—Calling the recovered projectiles an essential part of pop music history, the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame unveiled a new exhibit Wednesday, displaying all 43 of the bullets that Ringo Starr took for John Lennon before Mark David Chapman caught the Beatle drummer off guard on Dec. 8, 1980. “Each round of…Read more...
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on (#5STC3)
Medina Spirit, the controversial Kentucky Derby-winning horse that tested positive for betamethasone, died at the Santa Anita racetrack after the 3-year-old colt collapsed from a heart attack during a routine workout. What do you think?Read more...
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on (#5STC4)
The Biden administration has announced it will not send an official U.S. delegation to the 2022 Winter Olympics in Beijing, in a “diplomatic boycott” to rebuke China over its human rights abuses. What do you think?Read more...
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on (#5STC5)
Don’t be ashamed if you’re confused about sex, because no one in the world has a clue what it is. Here are the most common questions people have asked Google about sexual intercourse.Read more...
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on (#5SRVT)
The world’s largest annual drug survey has ranked Australia as the drunkest country on the planet, with residents surveyed getting drunk an average of 27 times over the course of the year, almost double the global average of 15 times. What do you think?Read more...
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