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on (#5RH8D)
Facebook has announced plans to stop using facial-recognition software and delete the data collected from over a billion users, which comes in the wake of a whistleblower leaking documents about the platform putting profits over safety. What do you think?Read more...
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| Link | https://politics.theonion.com/ |
| Feed | https://politics.theonion.com/rss |
| Updated | 2024-11-23 19:00 |
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on (#5RGQZ)
NEW YORK—Drawing ire from critics who slammed the choice as “completely unethical,” producers of the Real Housewives franchise faced backlash Thursday over their decision to film in the misogynistic, homophobic location of New Jersey. “It’s bad enough the U.S. government has normalized relations with them—we don’t…Read more...
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on (#5RGJ5)
A Georgia woman left a hospital emergency room without receiving treatment after waiting for seven hours, for which she was charged a $700 emergency room visit fee that the hospital claims is valid. What do you think?Read more...
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on (#5RFY1)
Billionaire Charlie Munger has given $200 million to the University of California at Santa Barbara on the condition they build a mostly windowless 11-story dorm he designed, despite criticism over the unknown psychological effects it could have on students. What do you think?Read more...
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on (#5RFTN)
WASHINGTON—Unsettled by the party’s dismal performance in the Virginia governor’s race, Democratic leadership vowed Wednesday to work twice as hard in the coming months to muddle their agenda. “Last night was a wake-up call that we need to refocus our efforts on alienating the American voter with vague goals and…Read more...
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on (#5RFNQ)
WASHINGTON—At last striking a compromise that unites all 50 Democrats in the Senate, the White House announced Wednesday that it had enough votes to pass a streamlined version of President Joe Biden’s social spending bill that had been stripped of every provision except for a $10 billion check for Sen. Joe Manchin…Read more...
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on (#5RFJR)
WASHINGTON—Sighing heavily as he sealed himself inside the meandering political boundary, despondent congressman Rep. Dan Bishop (R-NC) reportedly gerrymandered himself into his own isolated district Wednesday, sources confirmed. “I’m fine, I just need to govern myself for a while,” said the Republican lawmaker from…Read more...
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on (#5RFJS)
Clearly you’re not that internet savvy if you’re still falling for clickbait and reading through this entire slideshow. Nonetheless, here are several signs you might be a social media clout chaser.Read more...
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on (#5RFFD)
The recent death of a cinematographer on the set of the film Rust has shown a spotlight on tragic deaths on film sets, as well as given rise to safety concerns surrounding props and stunts. The Onion looks back at other tragic film set tragedies.
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on (#5RFFE)
ATLANTA—Following the team’s six-game World Series victory over the Houston Astros, the Atlanta Braves announced Wednesday that they would honor the franchise’s Native American past with a deadly forced championship parade to Oklahoma. “What better way to celebrate our team’s heritage than heading out onto the streets…Read more...
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on (#5RF4S)
A new study has found that takotsubo cardiomyopathy, commonly called “Broken Heart Syndrome”, which mirrors a heart attack after a stressful event like a break-up, is on the rise among women ages 50 to 74, who account for 80% of all cases. What do you think?Read more...
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on (#5RF4R)
HOUSTON—According to a new study published Wednesday in the journal Evolution And Human Behavior, the act of tapping one’s cheek with the pointer finger remains the number one way to get a little kiss. “Our team found that turning the head, exposing a cheek, and repeatedly giving a small tap allowed subjects to…Read more...
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on (#5RF4Q)
KENOSHA, WI—Arguing that he had no choice but to take the law into his own hands, Kyle Rittenhouse reportedly claimed self-defense Wednesday after shooting three jurors in his trial for multiple counts of first-degree homicide. “Finding himself outnumbered by a mob of 20 jurors, Mr. Rittenhouse was forced to make the…Read more...
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on (#5REMS)
HOUSTON—With their fading World Series series hopes hinging on a strong pitching performance against the Atlanta Braves, the Houston Astros announced Tuesday that they would be starting Nolan Ryan in Game 6 on 10,268 days’ rest. “We’re trying to be really careful not to overwork our pitchers to keep them fresh with…Read more...
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on (#5RED4)
Missouri Sen. Josh Hawley (R) claimed in a recent speech that the effort to combat toxic masculinity in the U.S. has unfairly forced men to withdraw from society, consuming more pornography and playing more video games. What do you think?Read more...
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on (#5REBM)
TULSA, OK—Thanked in advance for their patience and consideration, passengers on an American Airlines plane to Omaha were courteously reminded to wait until the fasten seat belt sign was turned off before roundhouse kicking flight attendants, sources confirmed Tuesday. “We kindly request that you refrain from smashing…Read more...
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on (#5REA2)
Every once in a while, the universe dangles a little treat for gamers that we can’t help but share with our devoted readers. Sometimes it’s a can’t-miss gaming deal, sometimes it’s the reunion of an iconic developer with a beloved video game property. But today, we’ve got something that trumps them all! Get…Read more...
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on (#5RE29)
GLASGOW, SCOTLAND—Despite their limited efforts to address the threat posed by carbon emissions, leaders of the world’s largest economies still managed to salvage their trip to the 2021 U.N. Climate Change Conference, or COP26, with a joint statement indicating that Scotland has some pretty cool castles. “After…Read more...
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on (#5RE2A)
TACOMA, WA—Warning their coworker to tread lightly or face serious consequences, office sources confirmed Tuesday that employee Erik Greshel was on thin ice after taking an allotted personal day. “Jesus, that guy is really playing with fire by using one of his management-offered vacation days,” said coworker Carol…Read more...
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on (#5RDSJ)
A California man used his $150 annual Six Flags pass that offers year-round access to the park, free parking, and two free meals, to eat twice a day for seven years, allowing him to pay off his student loans and buy a house. What do you think?Read more...
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on (#5RD4A)
A German inventor’s ultrasound “testicle bath,” a birth control device that temporarily stops sperm mobility for several months, has won the James Dyson Award, which is given out annually to designers of new problem-solving ideas. What do you think?Read more...
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on (#5RD4B)
GLENBROOK, IL—Turning the words over in his head in a dogged attempt to understand their import, Ted Dobbes, a local man who just recently cracked the code behind “Buck Fush,” reportedly spent Tuesday puzzling over the phrase “Let’s Go, Brandon.” “Okay, well I can certainly rule out ‘Let’s Bo, Grandon,’ because…Read more...
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on (#5RD1F)
WASHINGTON—Her face illuminated by the glow of a television, White House press secretary Jen Psaki, who tested positive for Covid-19 over the weekend, was reportedly sick and working from home Monday when she conducted a remote briefing while under a blanket and watching The Price Is Right. “Today, President Biden…Read more...
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on (#5RD1E)
TEMPE, AZ—Signaling a major shift in the fight against climate change, scientists at Arizona State University announced a breakthrough in renewable energy Monday that enables humans to burn wind for fuel. “Our game-changing wind ignition engine allows us to turn one of earth’s most bountiful resources into an energy…Read more...
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on (#5RCS0)
It may be tempting to reach out, but that restraining order is no joke. Here are several things you should never text your ex after a breakup.Read more...
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on (#5RCQ9)
ROCKLAND, ME—Determined not to feel sorry for herself or waste the time she had left, local widow Charlotte Bridges told reporters Monday she was ready to get out there and outlive someone new. “My husband Stanley [Bridges] was the love of my life, but I know he wouldn’t want me to spend the rest of my years alone…Read more...
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on (#5RCQA)
CHICAGO—Blaming the change on factors like inflation and steep city taxes that were out of his control, local landlord Joel Fischer reportedly informed his tenants Monday that he was increasing their endless economic anxiety by $100. “Hello, tenants, this notice is to inform you that the perpetual pit of dread you…Read more...
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on (#5RAAW)
What, you think Celtics used to hand out processed sweets 2,000 years ago during the festival of Samhain? Here are popular Halloween treats people used to give out before candy.Read more...
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on (#5RA8C)
A two-meter tall Amorphophallus decus-silvae, or “penis plant,” which reeks of decomposing flesh and looks vaguely phallic, recently flowered at the Leiden Hortus Botanicus in the Netherlands, the first time this type of plant has bloomed in Europe in nearly 25 years. What do you think?Read more...
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on (#5RA8D)
WASHINGTON—Appointing her to lead what they described as an absolutely essential initiative, top White House officials reportedly selected Vice President Kamala Harris to sit at a computer throughout regular working hours Friday in case any new emails came through. “This is a really important job, Madam Vice…Read more...
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on (#5RA4B)
MENLO PARK, CA—Waving at his employees while entering the augmented Facebook Connect conference, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg’s avatar enthusiastically greeted his staff in a VR office Friday as his catatonic body lay in a hospital bed. “Welcome to the future of connecting with others,” said the graphical representation…Read more...
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on (#5RA3K)
Originally published on October 31, 2017.Read more...
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on (#5RA3N)
RICHMOND, VA—Describing a plan to reverse the nation’s long-declining rate of cigarette use, an anonymous source at tobacco giant Philip Morris confirmed Friday that Marlboro had sneaked back into television advertising with the launch of its new “Isn’t It Time We Started Smoking Again?” campaign. “It’s been more than…Read more...
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on (#5RA00)
The trial for Kyle Rittenhouse, accused of shooting and killing two protesters during a demonstration in August 2020, begins November 1. The Onion tells you what you need to know about the Kyle Rittenhouse trial.
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on (#5RA03)
LITTLE ROCK, AR—Noting the experienced hand with which she was able to put together a touching remembrance, family members confirmed Friday that area woman Dianne Melfi was getting pretty good at planning funerals. “At this point Mom is really in a groove when it comes to end of life arrangements—she’s already done…Read more...
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on (#5RA05)
WASHINGTON—With 80% of the nation’s daycares understaffed and many facilities shutting down, Congress responded to the child care crisis Friday by passing legislation that would lift restrictions on leaving children in a locked car for eight consecutive hours a day. “We need to get more parents back into the…Read more...
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on (#5R9NX)
A Virginia woman has been sentenced to 12 years in prison for running one of the biggest coupon counterfeiting rings in U.S. history, leading to more than $31.8 million in retail loss. What do you think?Read more...
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on (#5R8VB)
A judge has ruled that the men shot and killed by Kyle Rittenhouse during a protest last year could be referred to as “rioters” or “looters” during the trial, but not as “victims.” What do you think?Read more...
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on (#5R8VC)
After an agonizing wait of nearly 15 years, the next installment in one of the greatest-ever strategy game series is finally here! What follows are the definitive things to know when getting started in Age of Empires IV.Read more...
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on (#5R8QX)
RIVER VALE, NJ—Calling for an end to the partisan squabbling that had long held the nation hostage, politician and entrepreneur Andrew Yang told reporters Thursday that he was building a new fourth party after failing to gain traction with his recently founded Forward Party. “This country is moving too far left, too…Read more...
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