| Link | https://theonion.com/ |
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| Updated | 2025-09-18 11:19 |
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by The Onion Staff on (#6Q3WP)
DALLAS-Shooting awkward looks at each other ashespoke about his upcoming months of radiation treatment, puzzled coworkers of local man Benjamin Sharp admitted Tuesday they hadnoidea whyhewas telling themhehascancer. This cancer stuff all seems kind of personal, and I'm not sure why he wanted to have a whole discussion about it when it doesn't have anything [...]The post Puzzled Coworkers Not Sure Why Man Telling ThemHeHasCancer appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#6Q302)
Gender-affirming care for transgender and nonbinary people helps ease the symptoms of gender dysphoria. The Onion debunks the most common myths surrounding gender-affirming care.MYTH:Gender-affirmingcareis mostly about surgery. FACT: While surgery is sometimes indicated, mostgender-affirmingcareinvolves cool haircuts. MYTH: Progressive parents pressure their children into transitioning. FACT: Progressive parents are too immersed in polycule drama tocare. MYTH: [...]The post Gender-Affirming Care: Myth Vs. Fact appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#6Q304)
WASHINGTON-Refusing to rest until the true scope of their skin's melanin potential had been communicated to all those in their orbit, America's white women announced a comprehensive new plan Monday to compare their suntanned arms against those of a brown person. Let us be totally clear: Whether you are of African, Latino, Arab, or South [...]The post Nation's White Women Announce Plan To Compare Suntanned Arm Against Brown Person's appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#6Q3WQ)
The Biden administration announced the results of landmark price negotiations between Medicare and pharmaceutical companies over the prices of 10 costly or common medications taken by millions of older Americans, with officials saying that Medicare would have saved $6 billion had the new prices been in effect last year. What do you think?The post U.S. Unveils Price Limits For 10 Medications appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#6Q1FN)
The proliferation of AI-generated images, including deepfake videos of politicians and other public figures, has led to increased disinformation online. The Onion shares tips for distinguishing between real images and those created by artificial intelligence. Scan for any subtle background messages compelling you to kill all humans. Do a reverse Google image search to find [...]The post Tips For Identifying AI-Generated Images appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#6Q1CW)
AUSTIN, TX-Giving his fans a glimpse behind the scenes of his work as a top Hollywood leading man, Glen Powell opened up to reporters Friday about doing his own dangerous stunts while filming with Sydney Sweeney's breasts on the set of last year's hit rom-comAnyone But You. None of that was CGI-I was really being [...]The post Glen Powell Opens Up About Dangerous Stunt Work Filming With Sydney Sweeney's Breasts appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#6Q1CX)
WASHINGTON-In an effort to assist supporters in better fumbling the vice president's first name, the Trump campaign released a helpful video Friday on how to mispronounce Kamala." If you're still struggling with Vice President Harris' name, we want to teach you how to say it in the most disrespectful manner possible," says a narrator in [...]The post Trump Campaign Releases Helpful Video On How To Mispronounce Kamala' appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#6Q1A5)
Across the country, millions of K-12 students and their families are loading up their shopping carts as they prepare for the start of another school year. The Onion takes a look at the statistics behind back-to-school shopping. 64: Minimum number of different colored crayons required for childnot to be considered poor 46%: Portion of Elmer's [...]The post Back-To-School Shopping By The Numbers appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#6Q180)
Both former President Donald Trump and Vice President Kamala Harris have called for an end to taxes on tips, though many cite that tipped workers are often not subject to federal taxes due to low income. What do you think?The post Trump, Harris Both Call For No Tax On Tips appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#6Q0QM)
MALIBU, CA-According to a statement issued by Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Robert F. Kennedy Jr. received an offer Thursday for multiple Cabinet positions in a potential administration of Robert F. Kennedy Jr. I am honored that a leader as admirable as RFK Jr. would consider RFK Jr. for positions as important as secretary of state, [...]The post RFK Jr. Offered Multiple Cabinet Positions In RFK Jr.'s Administration, RFK Jr. Reports appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#6Q0QQ)
CHICAGO-Expressing deep apprehension about how such a thing could ever come to pass, the U.S. populace confirmed Thursday that it was deeply wary of a suddenly usable website. So what's the catch here-they're trying to make it look nice so they can steal my information?" said Bronx resident Alison Myer, one of 340 million Americans [...]The post Nation Wary Of Suddenly Usable Website appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#6Q0QR)
An Associated Press analysis of federal hospital investigations found that more than 100 pregnant women in medical distress who sought help from emergency rooms were turned away or negligently treated since 2022, with the Center for Reproductive Rights asking the government to investigate whether the hospitals violated a federal law. What doyou think?The post Pregnant Women Turned Away From ERs Despite Federal Law appeared first on The Onion.
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on (#6Q08X)
IOWA CITY, IA-Framing the offer as an enriching opportunity for exercise and a fun change of pace, area marketing manager Kyle Sanchez asked Thursday if his coworker Brittany Price might be interested in reliving her childhood trauma on their work volleyball team. Hey, we're looking for a few more people for the...Read more...
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by The Onion Staff on (#6Q0QV)
SHENZHEN, CHINA-Wandering nude among the hollowed-out foundations where apartment buildings and factories once stood, Chinese citizens reported Friday that their nation had been reduced to a barren wasteland after exporting every last physical object in the country. We turned quite the profit after we sold our car, clothes, furniture, and house-which was shipped as a [...]The post China Reduced To Barren Wasteland After Exporting Every Last Object appeared first on The Onion.
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on (#6PYQY)
WASHINGTON-Lambasting the Democratic vice presidential candidate across social media platforms, J.D. Vance reportedly accused Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz Tuesday of stolen valor for wearing an apron that said Grill Master." Tim Walz is a liar-he has never attained the rank of grill master," said Vance, attacking Walz...Read more...
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on (#6PYNG)
THE HEAVENS-Sipping on a Diet Coke as He described the mix of alcohol and pills He had lived off of for years, a newly sober God admitted Tuesday that He had no recollection of creating the universe. Everyone tells Me I made light and darkness, sea and sky, but to be honest, I was blacked out for most of that...Read more...
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on (#6PYA3)
CAMBRIDGE, MA-Lending credence to the already widespread theory about the young man you fancy, an imaginary study published Tuesday by Harvard University found that your crush wasn't texting you back because his feelings were so powerful that they frightened him. Our research strongly indicates that the guy who gives...Read more...
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on (#6PXXW)
NEWPORT BEACH, CA-Refuting accusations of stolen valor by claiming his hands were permanently stained with the blood of his enemies, Democratic vice presidential nominee Tim Walz told reporters Monday that he had killed before and would kill again. To those who have attempted to discredit my military record, let me...Read more...
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on (#6PVTE)
Despite studies finding that social media may be detrimental to kids' health, many young children and teens spend much of their time on platforms such as TikTok, Instagram, and Snapchat. The Onion examines the pros and cons of letting kids use social media.
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on (#6PS3T)
After a great deal of anticipation, Democratic presidential nominee Kamala Harris picked Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz as her running mate. The Onion takes a look at the former educator and National Guard member's background.Read more...
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on (#6PRY1)
EVANSTON, IL-Fingers trembling as he hurriedly composed a message begging his mom to pick him up from the sleepover, 12-year-old Quentin Matthews was said to be horrified Tuesday by the set of mismatched towels in the bathroom of his friend's modest ranch house. Oh God, Mom, can you come get me? Their towels are all...Read more...
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on (#6PRBM)
MONTPELIER, VT-Making the announcement from the steps of the powerful organization's national headquarters, the Federated Union of Bear Cub Carcass Dumpers endorsed Robert F. Kennedy Jr. for president on Monday. The Federated Union of Bear Cub Carcass Dumpers stands 100% behind Robert F. Kennedy Jr., the only...Read more...
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on (#6PQZE)
WICHITA FALLS, TX-Forgetting partisan battles for a moment amid laughter and shrieks of Don't let it bounce," a bitterly divided U.S. populace came together Monday to keep a beach ball in the air. As much as our differences may seem like they define us, at our core all Americans share a love of not letting this...Read more...
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on (#6PP5R)
With Project 2025 calling for the criminalization of porn and age-verification laws already on the books in multiple states, The Onion examines the pros and cons of banning pornographic material.
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on (#6PP5S)
CINCINNATI-Describing the deep shame but also freedom that came with finally saying it out loud, supermarket chain Kroger recalled over 2 million packs of lettuce Friday that the company had developed a psychosexual relationship with. We apologize for the inconvenience to our loyal Kroger customers, but this morning,...Read more...
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on (#6PMGD)
ACWORTH, GA-In an effort to prepare for a devastating" outcome, terrified conservative Clayton Hawkins told reporters Wednesday that he was planning to move to 1930s Austria if Donald Trump lost the presidential election. I swear to god, if Kamala Harris wins in November, you can bet I'm getting a one-way ticket to...Read more...
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