by The Onion on Onion Gamers Network, shared by The O on (#4EN8F)
Sometimes, the world just makes sense.Read more...
The Onion
| Link | https://theonion.com/ |
| Feed | https://www.theonion.com/rss |
| Updated | 2026-06-19 23:00 |
by The Onion on Entertainment, shared by The Onion to on (#4EN8G)
COLORADO SPRINGS, CO—Heralding the three-hour experience as “a mature, cinematic triumph beyond its time,†film critics offered high praise Tuesday for the single long, unbroken take a theater parent employed to capture a Desert Shadows Middle School production of Guys And Dolls. “The breathtaking decision to tell…Read more...
by The Onion on (#4EN35)
Researchers at King’s College London have found trace amounts of cocaine and ketamine in shrimp tested in locations across England, pointing to the widespread menace of “invisible chemicals,†such as drugs, entering the water supply. What do you think?Read more...
by The Onion on Local, shared by The Onion to The Oni on (#4EN36)
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by Go RVing on (#4EMYC)
If you think of Pittsburgh as an old Rust Belt city, then you haven’t been here since it was completely power-washed in the late 2000s.Read more...
by The Onion on Entertainment, shared by The Onion to on (#4EMYD)
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by The Onion on (#4EKDR)
A report commissioned by the British government found that Christians represented over 80% of those persecuted for religious beliefs worldwide, stressing their treatment in the Middle East approached near-genocide levels. What do you think?Read more...
by The Onion on Local, shared by The Onion to The Oni on (#4EK6Y)
PRESCOTT, AZ—Saying that it’s been ages since you made her one of your special pictures with your art set, Grandma, 86, inquired Monday as to whether or not you are still drawing. “Remember the pictures of my house you drew for me when you were only in second grade? I still have them. You were so good!†said Grandma,…Read more...
by The Onion on (#4EJZ7)
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by The Onion on Entertainment, shared by The Onion to on (#4EJTC)
COLUMBUS, OH—Revealing at long last the creative process behind a successful career during which he has written over 300 books, best-selling children’s author R.L. Stine disclosed during an interview Monday that all of his writing is dictated to him directly by God. “One morning, I was walking in the woods behind my…Read more...
by The Onion on Onion Gamers Network, shared by The O on (#4EJTD)
By now, it’s clear that CD Projekt Red’s Cyberpunk 2077 is among this year’s most anticipated games. Developed by the team behind The Witcher, the title touts an ungodly level of customization, a sprawling science-fiction universe, and an unmatched development pedigree. And while the game showed real promise in our…Read more...
by The Onion on (#4EJTE)
In one of his first forays into television, Kanye West will produce a half-hour anthology series that focuses on perception, with the first season exploring the concept of the ego through an alternate-universe Kanye West. What do you think?Read more...
by The Onion on Entertainment, shared by The Onion to on (#4EJN5)
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by OnionNews on Entertainment, shared by OnionNews to on (#4EHMT)
LOS ANGELES—Expressing disappointment that the beloved series had evidently been tainted by corporate interests, Game Of Thrones fans across the nation were annoyed Sunday at the show’s increasingly frequent and obvious product placement for Valyrian steel. “It’s just so gross and artificial. They really go out of…Read more...
by OnionNews on Sports, shared by OnionNews to The On on (#4EG3Z)
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by OnionNews on (#4EED2)
Muslim supermodel Halima Aden has made history by becoming the first model to wear a hijab and burkini in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. What do you think?Read more...
by OnionNews on (#4EE9W)
ST. LOUIS—Their meals disrupted by protestors who stormed the restaurant with buckets full of viscous red liquid, diners eating plant-based Impossible Whoppers at a local Burger King were reportedly horrified Friday when meat-rights activists splashed beet juice all over them. “Shame! Shame on them—look at these…Read more...
by OnionNews on Entertainment, shared by OnionNews to on (#4EE9X)
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by OnionNews on (#4EE6G)
STANFORD, CA—Saying that certain undergrads clearly hadn’t been accepted on their own merits, students at Stanford University admitted Friday that it was pretty obvious that the billionaire’s dog in the freshman class didn’t get in by itself. “A lot of us were skeptical that Bailey actually got admitted without help,…Read more...
by OnionNews on (#4EE6H)
SAN FRANCISCO—Stating that he cannot allow rival property owners to gain a competitive advantage, Bay Area landlord Jeremy Lubbock acknowledged Friday he had added a noncompete clause to his leases that bars tenants from living anywhere else within 90 days of vacating an apartment. “This is a fairly standard practice…Read more...
by OnionNews on Entertainment, shared by OnionNews to on (#4EE6J)
LOS ANGELES—Shedding light on the iconic Chewbacca actor’s creative process amid news of his recent passing, George Lucas revealed to reporters Friday that Peter Mayhew had fully ad-libbed the decision to play the character as a nonverbal, fur-covered monster. “Originally, I intended for Chewbacca to be a loquacious,…Read more...
by OnionNews on (#4EE30)
MENLO PARK, CA—Explaining that the suspended users had violated the site’s content guidelines, Facebook reportedly banned thousands of snowboarders, base jumpers, and paragliders Thursday in a crackdown on “dangerous†accounts. “The Facebook community should be safe for all users, which is why we’ve suspended the…Read more...
by OnionNews on Local, shared by OnionNews to The Oni on (#4EDYG)
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by OnionNews on Local, shared by OnionNews to The Oni on (#4EDYH)
CHICAGO—According to a report issued Friday by sociologists at DePaul University, local man Nick Mahedy has cut you off mid-sentence because what you just said reminded him of something he would prefer to talk about instead. The report states that moments ago, when you started to speak about the NBA playoffs, the mere…Read more...
by OnionNews on (#4EDYJ)
LOW EARTH ORBIT—Responding to a distress signal broadcasting from the depths of a remote corridor that seemed to be mysteriously missing from the satellite floor plan, astronaut Dalton McVeigh said, “I don’t like the look of this,†Friday while entering a section of the International Space Station that was evidently…Read more...
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by OnionNews on (#4EDNT)
Michelle and Barack Obama have announced a slate of six Netflix shows, including a Frederick Douglass biopic, a drama set in the fashion world of post-WWII New York, and a half-hour family show called Listen To Your Vegetables And Eat Your Parents. What do you think?Read more...
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by OnionNews on (#4EC73)
Robert Mueller reportedly wrote a letter in early April complaining that Attorney General William Barr’s four-page memo to Congress “did not fully capture the context, nature, and substance†of the special investigation into Russian election interference. What do you think?Read more...
by OnionNews on Sports, shared by OnionNews to The On on (#4EC4B)
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by OnionNews on (#4EC4C)
MENLO PARK, CA—In an effort to finally crack down on individuals who promote harm to the tech company’s good name, Facebook banned a number of extremists from its platforms Thursday after designating them exceedingly dangerous to its public reputation. “We strive to keep Facebook faithful to our founding vision of a…Read more...
by OnionNews on Entertainment, shared by OnionNews to on (#4EBVR)
NEW YORK—Reflecting fondly on the television appearance that launched the K-pop group into superstardom, members of BTS told reporters Thursday that they were excited to be back in America for the first time since their 1963 performance on The Ed Sullivan Show. “Nothing will compare to the thrill of hearing Mr.…Read more...
by OnionNews on Entertainment, shared by OnionNews to on (#4EBVS)
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by OnionNews on Entertainment, shared by OnionNews to on (#4EBVT)
LAS VEGAS—Saying the pop superstar’s opener felt strikingly familiar, music fans accused Taylor Swift of ripping off Beyoncé Wednesday when she gave birth to twins during her performance at the Billboard Music Awards. “Sure, Beyoncé doesn’t own the copyright on pregnancy, but to the millions who watched last night as…Read more...
by OnionNews on (#4EBQ9)
WASHINGTON—Slowly realizing that he had made a big mistake, Attorney General William Barr reportedly showed up to Congress to testify at 3 a.m. Thursday after reading an email wrong. “Oh man, I really screwed the pooch,†said the attorney general, who opened a briefcase full of evidence and prepared to fully cooperate…Read more...
by OnionNews on (#4EBJJ)
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by OnionNews on Sports, shared by OnionNews to The On on (#4EBDZ)
BOSTON—Ardently defending their steadfast loyalty to the sport, NHL fans around the nation gathered Thursday to claim that hockey was way more fun if you’re there in person, on the ice, and actively playing in the game. “Sure, when you watch on TV, the puck looks kind of small and the game is hard to follow, but when…Read more...
by OnionNews on Onion Gamers Network, shared by Onion on (#4EBE0)
Few games have left behind legacy that’s as long-lasting as Psychonauts, Double Fine’s 2005 literal mind-trip of a platformer. So we were incredibly excited when gaming legend Tim Schafer arrived at our offices to give us an exclusive sneak peek at the Psychonauts 2 legal screen. But it wasn’t until he booted up that…Read more...
by OnionNews on (#4EBE1)
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by By An Ancient Mesopotamian on (#4EBE2)
I tell ya, times sure have changed since I was a boy. Nowadays in our fast-paced Copper Age civilization, people are weaving new textiles, smelting new metals, and finding all kinds of new, exciting ways to make pots. They’re also using new symbolic inscriptions to communicate with each other, and it’s this technology…Read more...
by OnionNews on (#4EB95)
Congressional Democrats indicated they had come to an informal agreement with President Trump to update the nation’s bridges, roads, trains, and broadband, although how such a deal will be paid for has yet to be negotiated. What do you think?Read more...
by The Onion on (#4E9Z2)
A day of street protests and skirmishes is underway after Venezuelan opposition leader and National Assembly leader Juan Guaidó announced an uprising in the country’s capital. What do you think?Read more...
by The Onion on (#4E9BJ)
THE HEAVENS—Following hours of staring into the darkness of the void and wondering if there was a point to anything at all, God, the Creator and Supreme Ruler of the Universe, ultimately decided against suicide Wednesday when an angel showed Him what life would be like if He had never existed. “Sometimes, you lose…Read more...
by The Onion on Onion Gamers Network, shared by The O on (#4E91X)
Good news for fans of RockStar’s blockbuster western franchise! The studio announced this week that it had already started imprisoning programmers to kickstart the development of Red Dead Redemption 3.Read more...
by The Onion on (#4E8XB)
Streaming service Spotify announced that it had reached 100 million paying subscribers in a landmark for the music streaming service. What do you think?Read more...
by The Onion on Local, shared by The Onion to The Oni on (#4E8G0)
CHICAGO—Expending an inordinate proportion of her resources to detail the bustling shops, quaint cafes, and highly rated schools located merely a mile or two away, realtor Susan Horne reportedly spent most of her showing with local couple Tim and Holly Penn Wednesday emphasizing how close their prospective new town…Read more...
by The Onion on Entertainment, shared by The Onion to on (#4E8G1)
Debuting May 1, 1999, SpongeBob SquarePants is an animated series about a sentient sponge that grew into a media empire. The Onion looks back at the beloved cartoon show on its 20th anniversary.Read more...
by The Onion on Entertainment, shared by The Onion to on (#4E77V)
CHAMPAIGN, IL—Animal experts praised the upcoming animated film Sonic: The Hedgehog Tuesday for its accurate depiction of hedgehogs, noting that most media representations leave out the creature’s tendency to roll up into a fast-moving blue ball to attack enemy combatants. “Most of the hedgehogs we see in film and TV…Read more...