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Updated 2026-03-21 23:24
LGBTQ Representation Win! A New ‘The Last Of Us 2’ Trailer Revealed That Harvey Milk Is Still Alive In The Game’s Universe
Among major developers, Naughty Dog has always led the pack for LGBTQ representation. But even considering their track record, the latest trailer for The Last Of Us 2 featured a huge inclusivity win when it revealed that Harvey Milk is still alive and well in the game’s universe.Read more...
Agile, Dynamic Company Able To Respond To Any Challenge By Laying Off Half Of Staff
NEW YORK—Calling his employees a lean, versatile team capable of being fired at a moment’s notice, local CEO David Bradford described his marketing firm Stact Media as an agile, dynamic company able to respond to any challenge by laying off half of its staff. “This industry is always evolving, but what makes us…Read more...
Everything We Know About ‘Pokémon Sword And Shield’
As the eighth generation of one of the most beloved RPGs out there, the new Pokémon games have been rabidly anticipated by fans. Although details have been scarce, we’ve scoured the web and grilled our exclusive sources to get as many details as we can about the upcoming Switch releases. So, without further ado, let’s…Read more...
One Million Species Could Go Extinct Because Of Humans
An IPCC report found that humanity’s destruction of the planet threatens to cause the extinction of more than 40% of amphibians, 33% of coral reefs, and over a third of all marine mammals. What do you think?Read more...
Boyfriend’s Comforter An Unzipped Sleeping Bag
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‘The Voice’ Amends Rules To Allow Votes From Those Who Aren’t White Landowning Males
LOS ANGELES—In what television audience-representation advocates are terming a long-overdue change to an archaic system, NBC announced Wednesday that popular singing competition show The Voice has amended its rules to allow viewers who aren’t white landowning males to cast their votes in the show’s 17th season. “Until…Read more...
Honda Civic Refusing To Start Engine In Solidarity With Striking Uber Workers
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Han’s Gone Solo
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How Restaurant’s Health Inspection Grades Are Calculated
Many diners make decisions about where to eat based on a restaurant’s health inspection grade, but may not know exactly how inspectors arrive at their scores. The Onion provides a primer for how restaurant inspection grades are calculated.Read more...
Company Commits To Hiring More Bengal Tigers In Effort To Improve Office Biodiversity
NEWARK, NJ—Pledging to foster a workplace environment more representative of the animal kingdom at large, local accounting firm Hilltop Partners announced Thursday a commitment to recruiting and hiring more Bengal tiger candidates as part of a new office biodiversity initiative. “Hilltop Partners recently welcomed a…Read more...
New Education Program Inspires Economically Advantaged Youth To Express Themselves Through Funding The Arts
SAN FRANCISCO—An after-school program Fund The Passion launched this week with the aim of inspiring economically advantaged youth to express themselves through funding the arts. “So many wealthy kids in our area show great financial potential, and our goal is to provide them with an opportunity to channel their love…Read more...
Everyone Must Play This Amazing New Indie Game That Probably Exists About A Lonely Penguin That Inherited His Family’s House Or Some Shit
Hold on, OGN readers, because it’s almost certain the next big thing in indie gaming is out there right now. Whether you’re a casual or serious gamer, everyone has to play this amazing new game that probably exists about a lonely penguin that inherited his family’s house or some shit like that.Read more...
Miami Marlins Looking At Eliminating Unprofitable Baseball Wing Of Organization
MIAMI—Referring to the sport as a loss leader that “never really captured public interest,” Marlins officials confirmed Wednesday they were exploring the idea of shutting down the organization’s unprofitable baseball wing. “Unfortunately, we may have to cut our losses and shift our focus to more profitable sectors…Read more...
Denver Votes On Decriminalizing Magic Mushrooms
Amidst a growing consensus on legal marijuana, Denver voters will decide this week whether to decriminalize magic mushrooms, the hallucinogen that has been outlawed since 1970. What do you think?Read more...
Waitress Treated Extra Courteously To Compensate For Assholes At Adjacent Table
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5 Things To Know About ‘Pokemon Detective Pikachu’
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New ‘Call Of Duty’ Career Mode Lets Player Join Raytheon’s Board Of Directors After Military Service
SANTA MONICA, CA—Introducing an update aimed at heightening the realism of the game, Activision announced Wednesday that a new career mode for Call Of Duty: Black Ops 4 allows playable characters who retire from the military to continue the fight by joining Raytheon’s board of directors. “Players who rack up enough…Read more...
Royal Baby Born
Meghan Markle, the Duchess of Sussex, has given birth to a baby boy, her first child with Prince Harry and a child who will be seventh in line to the throne. What do you think?Read more...
‘Voila,’ Yells Exhausted Lady Gaga During 149th Consecutive Costume Change As Met Visitors Gingerly Step Over Her
NEW YORK—Unrelenting in her dedication to dazzle at the annual Met Gala event, a visibly exhausted Lady Gaga proclaimed “Voila!” Tuesday afternoon during her 149th consecutive costume change as museum visitors gingerly stepped over her. “Behold—I am a butterfly—now witness the monarch’s metamorphosis!” said the…Read more...
5 Takeaways From The U.N. Report On Global Warming
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Top Indie Games On Steam
If you’re into indie gaming, then Steam is the platform to beat. Here are our picks showcasing the absolute best independent titles out there.Read more...
Bye!
So you’ve probably heard about the new report saying human-caused climate change is putting about a million different species of animals and plants at risk of extinction, and we just wanted to pop on over and say that it’s true, a lot of us are on our way out the door.
Los Angeles Plans To Hold 2028 Olympics In Toronto For The Tax Incentives
LOS ANGELES—In an effort to lessen the financial strain of hosting the Summer Games, officials from the city of Los Angeles announced Tuesday a new plan to hold the 2028 Olympics in Toronto for the tax incentives. “It just makes the most sense when it comes down to our budget—with a little bit of set dressing, Toronto…Read more...
FDA Launches Food Awareness Month To Get Americans Interested In Eating
WASHINGTON—In an effort to boost the nation’s appetite, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration announced Tuesday that July would be designated Food Awareness Month as part of a program to rekindle American interest in eating. “We’re excited to announce this campaign will stretch over the entire course of July and…Read more...
Sickly, Starving Rhino Not As Fun To Hunt
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Sweet Karma: Your High School Computer Lab Teacher Who Installed The Browser Blocker That Stopped You From Playing Flash Games Is Very Sick Now
Sometimes, the world just makes sense.Read more...
Film Critics Captivated By Use Of One Long, Unbroken Take In Parent’s Recording Of Middle School ‘Guys And Dolls’ Production
COLORADO SPRINGS, CO—Heralding the three-hour experience as “a mature, cinematic triumph beyond its time,” film critics offered high praise Tuesday for the single long, unbroken take a theater parent employed to capture a Desert Shadows Middle School production of Guys And Dolls. “The breathtaking decision to tell…Read more...
Scientists Find Cocaine In Shrimp
Researchers at King’s College London have found trace amounts of cocaine and ketamine in shrimp tested in locations across England, pointing to the widespread menace of “invisible chemicals,” such as drugs, entering the water supply. What do you think?Read more...
Entire Meal Prep For Week Eaten By Tuesday
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The Top 10 Most Underrated U.S. Vacation Destinations
If you think of Pittsburgh as an old Rust Belt city, then you haven’t been here since it was completely power-washed in the late 2000s.Read more...
Leaked Footage Reveals Grisly Scene Where Detective Pikachu Examines Jigglypuff’s Corpse At Morgue
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Christians Most Persecuted Religious Group Worldwide, Report Finds
A report commissioned by the British government found that Christians represented over 80% of those persecuted for religious beliefs worldwide, stressing their treatment in the Middle East approached near-genocide levels. What do you think?Read more...
Grandma Wants To Know If You’re Still Drawing
PRESCOTT, AZ—Saying that it’s been ages since you made her one of your special pictures with your art set, Grandma, 86, inquired Monday as to whether or not you are still drawing. “Remember the pictures of my house you drew for me when you were only in second grade? I still have them. You were so good!” said Grandma,…Read more...
Queen Elizabeth Disappointed In New Royal Baby Boy’s Lack Of Proper Inbreeding
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R.L. Stine Admits Every Book He’s Written Directly Dictated To Him By God
COLUMBUS, OH—Revealing at long last the creative process behind a successful career during which he has written over 300 books, best-selling children’s author R.L. Stine disclosed during an interview Monday that all of his writing is dictated to him directly by God. “One morning, I was walking in the woods behind my…Read more...
‘Cyberpunk 2077’: The Sprawling Sci-Fi RPG Shows Real Promise, But I Can’t Give A Full Appraisal After Only 1,500 Hours Of Play Time
By now, it’s clear that CD Projekt Red’s Cyberpunk 2077 is among this year’s most anticipated games. Developed by the team behind The Witcher, the title touts an ungodly level of customization, a sprawling science-fiction universe, and an unmatched development pedigree. And while the game showed real promise in our…Read more...
Kanye West Anthology Series In Works Starring Jaden Smith
In one of his first forays into television, Kanye West will produce a half-hour anthology series that focuses on perception, with the first season exploring the concept of the ego through an alternate-universe Kanye West. What do you think?Read more...
Failing Memory Fuses Robert Wuhl, Kevin Pollack Into Single Entity
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The Week In Pictures – Week Of May 6, 2019
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‘Game Of Thrones’ Fans Annoyed By Obvious Product Placement For Valyrian Steel
LOS ANGELES—Expressing disappointment that the beloved series had evidently been tainted by corporate interests, Game Of Thrones fans across the nation were annoyed Sunday at the show’s increasingly frequent and obvious product placement for Valyrian steel. “It’s just so gross and artificial. They really go out of…Read more...
Video On Ref’s Replay Screen Just Adam Silver Demanding He Call Fewer Fouls On Warriors
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Halima Aden Becomes First Sports Illustrated Model To Wear Burkini
Muslim supermodel Halima Aden has made history by becoming the first model to wear a hijab and burkini in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. What do you think?Read more...
Diners Eating Impossible Burgers Doused With Beet Juice By Protesting Meat-Rights Activists
ST. LOUIS—Their meals disrupted by protestors who stormed the restaurant with buckets full of viscous red liquid, diners eating plant-based Impossible Whoppers at a local Burger King were reportedly horrified Friday when meat-rights activists splashed beet juice all over them. “Shame! Shame on them—look at these…Read more...
JJ Abrams Announces Meryl Streep Will Take Over Role Of Chewbacca
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Stanford Students Admit It Was Pretty Obvious Billionaire’s Dog Didn’t Get In By Itself
STANFORD, CA—Saying that certain undergrads clearly hadn’t been accepted on their own merits, students at Stanford University admitted Friday that it was pretty obvious that the billionaire’s dog in the freshman class didn’t get in by itself. “A lot of us were skeptical that Bailey actually got admitted without help,…Read more...
Noncompete Clause In Lease Bars Tenants From Living Anywhere Else For 90 Days After Moving Out
SAN FRANCISCO—Stating that he cannot allow rival property owners to gain a competitive advantage, Bay Area landlord Jeremy Lubbock acknowledged Friday he had added a noncompete clause to his leases that bars tenants from living anywhere else within 90 days of vacating an apartment. “This is a fairly standard practice…Read more...
George Lucas Recalls Peter Mayhew Ad-Libbing Decision To Play Character As Nonverbal, Fur-Covered Monster
LOS ANGELES—Shedding light on the iconic Chewbacca actor’s creative process amid news of his recent passing, George Lucas revealed to reporters Friday that Peter Mayhew had fully ad-libbed the decision to play the character as a nonverbal, fur-covered monster. “Originally, I intended for Chewbacca to be a loquacious,…Read more...
Facebook Bans Thousands Of Snowboarders, Base Jumpers In Crackdown On ‘Dangerous’ Accounts
MENLO PARK, CA—Explaining that the suspended users had violated the site’s content guidelines, Facebook reportedly banned thousands of snowboarders, base jumpers, and paragliders Thursday in a crackdown on “dangerous” accounts. “The Facebook community should be safe for all users, which is why we’ve suspended the…Read more...
Man Taking Unemployment As Opportunity To Think About How He Really Wants Out Of Life
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Report: What You Just Said Reminds Man Of Thing He’d Rather Talk About
CHICAGO—According to a report issued Friday by sociologists at DePaul University, local man Nick Mahedy has cut you off mid-sentence because what you just said reminded him of something he would prefer to talk about instead. The report states that moments ago, when you started to speak about the NBA playoffs, the mere…Read more...
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