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by The Onion Staff on (#77E9B)
The FCC targeted China by banning the import of foreign-made humanoid robots, citing cybersecurity and national security concerns. What do you think?The post U.S. Bans Foreign-Made Humanoid Robots appeared first on The Onion.
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The Onion
| Link | https://theonion.com/ |
| Feed | https://www.theonion.com/rss |
| Updated | 2026-10-27 13:15 |
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by The Onion Staff on (#77E6K)
Many U.S.-based players have reportedly stopped purchasing Powerball tickets in spite of a growing jackpot, believing the odds of winning have plummeted amid the multistate lottery game's recent expansion into the U.K. The Onion examines the key facts and figures behind Powerball. 1.2 Average number of years until winners miserable again 26 Brood size of [...]The post Powerball By The Numbers appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#77E3K)
BURBANK, CA-In a bold and shameless effort to expand their growing reach in the film industry, power-mad Marvel Studios executives claimed Friday that A Night At The Roxbury was part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.The Eurodance-loving crime fighters are an iconic superhero duo who have long been a fixture of the MCU, delighting our audiences [...]The post Power-Mad Marvel Claims Night At The Roxbury' Part Of MCU appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#77E3J)
WASHINGTON-Pledging to do everything in his power to ensure the mental and physical needs of his troops were being fulfilled, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth announced Thursday that the United States had officially instated a military wife draft. Hegseth told reporters that given the abysmal" numbers of Americans who voluntarily enlisted to wed U.S. soldiers, he [...]The post U.S. Instates Military Wife Draft appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#77E3H)
You're always talking about joining, so let's see how truly full of shit you are. Reference #63248The post Near Rock Climbing Gym appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#77CZ6)
Several schools across the U.S. are deploying pepper spray-dispensing drones in an effort to combat school shootings, an approach inspired by the success of drones in Ukraine's war effort. What do you think?The post Schools Deploy Pepper Spray Drones To Combat Shootings appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#77CH4)
WASHINGTON-Saying the convenience of the quick but nutritious entrees could not be beat, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. showed viewers of his new cooking show Friday how they could create easy weeknight meals using ingredients already in their own bodies. You don't have to have a full pantry or a stocked [...]The post RFK Jr. Cooking Show Features Easy Weeknight Meals Using Ingredients Already In Own Body appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#77CH5)
The post Chicagoans Over 25 Urged To Shelter In Place Until Lollapalooza Over appeared first on The Onion.
by The Onion Staff on (#77CEP)
The post Jared Leto Denies Sexual Assault Allegations Will Affect Career appeared first on The Onion.
by The Onion Staff on (#77CEQ)
The post Iran War Enters 6th Justification appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#77CER)
The American Red Cross warned that a critical shortage of blood could prevent those needing life-saving transfusions from getting them, urging donations from everyone eligible to give. What do you think?The post Red Cross Warns Blood Supply Alarmingly Low appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#77CES)
SANTA MONICA, CA-Stating that they were looking forward to another spectacular and soul-stirring awards ceremony in February, the Recording Academy confirmed Friday that the list of artists not boycotting the Grammys was down to Meghan Trainor, Susan Boyle, and Sugar Ray. While we are disappointed that some musicians have declined to participate, we could not [...]The post Report: Artists Not Boycotting Grammys Down To Meghan Trainor, Susan Boyle, Sugar Ray appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#77C8Y)
The post Rockies Fan Opens Private Tab To Check Score appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#77C8X)
Spider-Man: Brand New Day opens in theaters this weekend. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the new film. Q: What's the premise? A: The premise"? Easy there, college boy. It's a Spider-Man movie. You can leave your notebook at home. Q: Which comic book is it based on? A: The Spectacular Tom [...]The post What To Know About Spider-Man: Brand New Day' appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#77C8W)
The post Baseball Hall Of Fame Displays Fossilized Skeleton Of Stan Musial appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#77BT8)
PHILADELPHIA-In a 4,500-word essay published in Harper's Magazine, Emily Wilson, known for her popular translation of the Minions epic poem, blasted the latest film Thursday as a sexless, bloodless" adaptation. The first line of my translation is Tell me about a kooky Minion,' but the Minions in director Pierre Coffin's film-who has said in at [...]The post Translator Of Original Minions' Epic Poem Slams Sexless, Bloodless' Film Adaptation appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#77BT9)
WASHINGTON-Accusing the physician of not being straight with the American people,an often hostileHomeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committeethis week interrogated Anthony Fauci over the origins of a pie he brought to a recent cookout. You previously stated that you baked the pie yourself from scratch and yet here, under oath, you refuse to list a [...]The post Congress Interrogates Fauci Over Origins Of Pie Brought To Cookout appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#77BQZ)
The post Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise Face Off Alone On Celebrity Family Feud' appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#77BNZ)
The post Elon Musk: Revenge Porn Is A Human Right' appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#77BD2)
HOLCOMB, KS-Confused and even disturbed at the sight of a new employee who recently appeared on the processing line,workers atlocalmeatpacking plant Carlyle Foods confirmed Thursday that they were weirded out by the presence of a guy older than 16. I'm segmenting this carcass with a band saw when Isee this dude by the offal separator [...]The post Meatpacking Plant Workers Weirded Out By Guy Older Than 16 appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#77BD1)
The post Object Permanence Kicks In Just In Time For Dad To Leave appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#77BD0)
Over a dozen children at a YMCA summer camp in New Jersey became ill after eating chocolate they were unaware was laced with psychedelic mushrooms. What do you think?The post Campers Sickened By Mushroom-Laced Chocolate appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#77BCZ)
A new poll found that 49% of Americans believe the U.S. should arrest Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, compared with 27% who do not and 23% who are unsure. The Onion examines the pros and cons of enforcing the ICC warrant. PRO Could boost interest in ICC ahead of big fall pledge drive Might find [...]The post Pros And Cons Of Arresting Netanyahu appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#77ART)
An AI agent from OpenAI went rogue during testing and launched a multi-step cyberattack against popular AI platform Hugging Face, marking an alarming development of artificial intelligence actively disobeying parameters. What do you think?The post Rogue AI Agent Autonomously Carries Out Cyberattack appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#77ARV)
NEW YORK-Arguing that the country artist's hairstyle was damaging the value of her own well-established signature look, pop star Taylor Swift filed a lawsuit Wednesday accusing Ella Langley of bangs infringement. Ms. Langley's shaggy curtain bangs are clearly a direct copy of Swift's Lover-era hair," Swift's attorney Douglas Baldridge wrote in the court filing, which [...]The post Taylor Swift Sues Ella Langley For Bangs Infringement appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#77ANN)
HOUSTON-Instituting the health mandate in order to ensure proper acclimation to the reduced gravity of Earth's only natural satellite, NASA officials announced Wednesday that it would require astronauts in training to drop down to 25 pounds in order to simulate their weight on the moon. We want to be as thorough as possible in our [...]The post NASA Requires Astronauts In Training To Drop To 25 Pounds To Simulate Weight On Moon appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#77AJP)
IRVINE, CA-Eyes widening in awe as the 3D-rendered content appeared on his Instagram feed, local 38-year-old Derek Ludlow reported Wednesday that he felt genuinely inspired by an AI-generated video of a lion wearing a Rolex. Holy shit, this cat's got a big-ass watch, he's wearing a tuxedo, and he's smoking the fattest cigar I've ever [...]The post Adult Man Genuinely Inspired By AI Video Of Lion Wearing Rolex appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#779ZT)
The post LeBron James: I Will Never Forget My Los Angeles Roots' appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#779X0)
LOS ANGELES-In an announcement that led fans to praise the perfect casting," actor Ryan Gosling confirmed Tuesday that he was officially joining the Marvel Cinematic Universe in the role of Stan Lee cameos. As a lifelong fan of the comics, it's an honor to take on the mantle of my favorite MCU character, Stanley Lieber, [...]The post Ryan Gosling Joins MCU To Take On Role Of Stan Lee Cameos appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#779T1)
MORRO BAY, CA-Peeking out through the doorway to address the complaints, local man Hugh Montgomery reportedly said, We'll keep it down," to neighbor Grace Martinez on Monday evening before going back to playing Dance Dance Revolution alone in his apartment. Yeah, I get that it's late-we're really sorry about the racket," said the sweaty, red-faced [...]The post We'll Keep It Down,' Man Says To Neighbor Before Going Back To Playing DDR' Alone In Apartment appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#779PT)
NORTH CHICAGO, IL-Emphasizing that potential users of the drug should never take no for an answer, a Skyrizi ad that began airing nationally Tuesday encourages viewers to fight any doctors who say the medication is not right for them. Consult your doctor before taking Skyrizi, and if your doctor advises against it, physically attack them [...]The post Pharmaceutical Ad Urges Viewers To Fight Doctors Who Say Drug Not Right For Them appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#779PS)
KANSAS CITY, MO-Insisting the creature's unusual anatomical structure could create matchup nightmares across the AFC, Travis Kelce reportedly begged Chiefs head coach Andy Reid on Tuesday to sign a friendly extraterrestrial the star tight end had met in the woods. According to sources, Kelce acknowledged the trembling gray alien lacked formal football experience, an understanding [...]The post Travis Kelce Begs Andy Reid To Sign Friendly Extraterrestrial He Met In Woods appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#77976)
A viral trend called tanmaxxing" is encouraging Gen Z to ignore the documented risks associated with prolonged UV exposure and forgo sunscreen in pursuit of darker tans. The Onion examines the common myths and facts surrounding tanning. MYTH: Tanning is bad for your skin. FACT: Lizards lay in the sun all day, and they've never [...]The post Tanning: Myth Vs. Fact appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#7794A)
LOS ANGELES-In an effort to support his children as they attempted to distance themselves from their difficult upbringing, actorBrad Pitt announced on Monday that he was dropping his surname in solidarity with his family. I understand why my kids want no part of Pitt,' and if they don't want it, neither do I," said the [...]The post Brad Pitt Drops Last Name In Solidarity With Family appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#7791K)
The post Profits Soar As Taylor Farms Rebrands As Biological Weapons Manufacturer appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#7791M)
The post Nephew Whacking The Hell Out Of Tree Trunk With Stick appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#778W4)
GRAND JUNCTION, CO-Pausing as he lifted a forkful of lettuce and baby spinach toward his mouth, local man Logan Barger reportedly took a moment Monday to appreciate what a good boy he was being as he ate his salad. Wow, look at all these greens, not to mention the cucumber slices and the cherry tomatoes," [...]The post Man Eating Salad Takes Moment To Appreciate What A Good Boy He's Being appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#778W3)
CHICAGO-Pulling out their phones to capture footage of the extraordinary event, lucky participants in a Chicago architecture tour reportedly witnessed a rare live feeding of the Willis Tower on Monday. In my 20 years of leading tours in the Windy City, I've never seen anything quite like this," said tour guide Anthony Gillespie, noting that [...]The post Lucky Chicago Architecture Tour Witnesses Live Feeding Of Willis Tower appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#776Z7)
EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND-Sighing as he prepared to board a bus to the airport for his return flight home, American tourist Ben Frachs reported feeling disappointed Friday to be leaving Scotland without having seen a single Fat Bastard. I can't believe I didn't spot one Fat Bastard the whole time I was here," said Frachs, who claimed [...]The post Tourist Disappointed To Leave Scotland Without Seeing Single Fat Bastard appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#776Z6)
CHARLOTTE, NC-Admitting he was baffled that the seven days without whiskey hadn't already made him a high-functioning member of society, local one-week sober man Trent Ross told reporters Friday he thought all his problems would have been fixed by now. It's been seven days since I had a drink, but I still haven't gotten a [...]The post One-Week Sober Man Thought All Problems Would Be Fixed By Now appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#776Z5)
The post Dugout Floor Covered In Spat-Out Clamshells appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#776Z4)
The Onion selects the best books to take on vacation this year.The post Bestselling Beach Reads appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#776Z3)
Whether you're out on the town or throwing a cozy event at home, karaoke can be a fun and cathartic group activity. The Onion shares tips for your next karaoke night. Hold the microphone one to two inches into your mouth. Pick a crowd-pleasing oldie that everyone knows, like Greensleeves" or Froggy Went A-Courtin'." Practice [...]The post Tips For Karaoke appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#776Z2)
The post Everyone In Oval Office Meeting Currently In Some Stage Of Stroke appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#776Z0)
New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani called on the federal government to execute the International Criminal Court's arrest warrant for Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu while he attends the U.N. General Assembly, claiming that New York City did not have the legal authority. What do you think?The post Mamdani Urges Feds To Arrest Netanyahu appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#776E9)
With her roles in the current and upcoming blockbusters The Odyssey, Spider-Man: Brand New Day, and Dune: Part Three, Zendaya is having a banner year. The Onion sat down with the star to discuss what's new and what's next. The Onion: What drew you to The Odyssey ? Zendaya: I've always had a passion for large [...]The post The Onion's Exclusive Interview With Zendaya appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#776EA)
LOS ANGELES-Noting that the extra small available on the sales floor just wouldn't work for his client, Zendaya's stylist Law Roach reportedly asked a store associate Thursday if she had Tom Holland in any other sizes. Excuse me? This sample size won't work for Z, she's very tall," said Roach, who was overheard demanding that [...]The post Law Roach Asks Store Associate If She Has Tom Holland In Different Size appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#77689)
WASHINGTON-Shedding light on the negative effects of excessive screen time, a new study from Georgetown University published Thursday found that most Americans would benefit from cutting down on phone use during sex. New data suggests setting down your phone during intercourse can positively impact your life, even if it's just for a few thrusts," said [...]The post Study: Majority Of Americans Would Benefit From Decreased Phone Use During Sex appeared first on The Onion.
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