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by The Onion Staff on (#768X5)
A new paper published by the National Bureau of Economic Research found that the release of the Apple iPhone in 2007 contributed to a decline in the birth rate, especially among teens and young adults. What do you think?The post Study Finds iPhone Lowered Birth Rate appeared first on The Onion.
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The Onion
| Link | https://theonion.com/ |
| Feed | https://www.theonion.com/rss |
| Updated | 2026-10-27 01:16 |
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by The Onion Staff on (#768X4)
The post Embarrassed Woman Scrambles To Stop Emotionally Resonating With Movie Before Lights Come On appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#768DJ)
A recent poll found that only 66% of Americans claim that a democratically elected government is important to the United States' national identity, with those aged 18-29 reporting the lowest belief in U.S. democracy's centrality at only 51%. What do you think?The post Poll: Fewer Americans Say Democracy Central To U.S. Identity appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#768AY)
The post Nancy Mace Introduces Bill To Separate Gubernatorial Races By Gender appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#7688H)
The post Trump Boys Bulk Up For UFC Fight By Chugging Sour Cream appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#7682J)
LEAWOOD, KS-Remarking that it seemed a tad excessive" to own more than a dozen of the recreational bouncing devices, pop star Taylor Swift reportedly urged fiance Travis Kelce on Thursday to whittle down the number of trampolines on their wedding registry to one.That's a lot of trampolines, babe, and you can really only bounce on [...]The post Taylor Swift Urges Travis Kelce To Whittle Down Trampolines On Registry To One appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#7682H)
NEW YORK-Touting the initiative as a way to bring love for the Orange and Blue to the places that need it most," the New York Mets front office announced Thursday that franchise mascot Mr. Met had embarked on a missionary trip to the Amazon rainforest to spread Mets fandom to the region's uncontacted tribes.As we [...]The post Mr. Met Embarks On Missionary Trip To Spread Mets Fandom To Uncontacted Amazon Tribes appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#7682G)
CLAYMONT, DE-As part of its effort to make the popular consumer-led food safety platform kid-friendly and provide parents with tools for oversight, IWasPoisoned.com announced Friday that it was now offering teen accounts.Starting today, new restrictions have been placed on the accounts of IWasPoisoned.com users under the age of 18, who will now need permission to [...]The post IWasPoisoned.com Introduces New Teen Accounts appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#7682F)
The post Tour In Peril After Noah Kahan Refuses To Come Down From Tree appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#7682E)
Marty Peters and Karen Roth: Huh-the happy couple's in loving memory" table had a picture of Hulk Hogan.The post Marty Peters and Karen Roth appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#7682D)
On Sunday, the same day as President Trump's 80th birthday, the White House will host UFC Freedom 250 on the South Lawn. The Onion takes a look at the key facts and figures behind the unprecedented mixed martial arts event. $1.2 million Cost of restoring Thomas Jefferson's original Octagon 5 Drinks before shirtless Pete Hegseth [...]The post The White House UFC Fight By The Numbers appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#7682C)
DENVER-Frustrated by his fixation on a totally irrelevant topic at the expense of issues that actually matter to Americans, numerous voters told reporters this week that congressional candidate Ted Botello was campaigning for office with no better ideas than improving the economy. This guy won't stop talking about how he's going to make life more [...]The post Politician With No Better Ideas Decides To Campaign On Improving The Economy appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#767DR)
A McDonald's employee in California suffered severe burns across his face and body after a coworker tossed hot oil on him, the reason for the attack remaining unknown. What do you think?The post McDonald's Worker Suffers Severe Burns After Being Attacked With Hot Oil appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#7677C)
SAN FRANCISCO-Expanding their offerings of erectile health products, male-focused wellness brand Hims announced a new line of folders Wednesday for holding in front of embarrassing boners. These safe, discreet folders are specially formulated to ensure you are the only one who knows that you are fully engorged," said brand representative Erica DeLeon, touting the generic [...]The post Hims Introduces New Line Of Folders To Hold In Front Of Embarrassing Boners appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#7677B)
MINNEAPOLIS-Nonchalantly bringing up the act of violent resistance while discussing a fun evening she had with her friends, local mom Rebecca Peters casually mentioned Wednesday to her son Miles that her bunco group had thrown Molotov cocktails at ICE the previous week. Yeah, me and the bunco gals lit a few liquor bottles on fire [...]The post Mom Casually Mentions Her Bunco Group Threw Molotov Cocktails At ICE Last Week appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#7677A)
Despite advances in technology, training, and performance optimization, some achievements in sports have stood the test of time. The following athletic records remain unbroken.The post The Most Unbreakable Records In Sports History appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#76779)
MIAMI-In an official filing with the U.S. Department of Labor, Amazon employees alleged Monday that they had been exposed to inhumane working conditions while staffing the human chessboard that executive chairman Jeff Bezos maintains on the grounds of his Florida compound.We're not allowed to take breaks of any kind," one Amazon worker said on the [...]The post Amazon Employees Detail Inhumane Working Conditions On Bezos' Human Chessboard appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#76778)
What are you doing here? This is not for piddling swine like you. Be gone! Back to your frumpy duplex you go! Reference #295432The post Chic Apartment With Designer Furniture appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#76777)
BEVERLY HILLS, CA-Staggering out into the blinding light of day,Euphoriashowrunner Sam Levinson reportedly emerged from a 7-year drug binge Wednesday horrified to learn what he had created. Wait, I did what?" said a shaky, bleary-eyed Levinson as he looked through his phone in an attempt to piece together everything that had happened since 2019, a [...]The post Sam Levinson Emerges From 7-Year Drug Binge Horrified At What He Created appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#76776)
Doug Valdez, 91, passed away early Friday morning in an attempt to beat the weekend rush into heaven.The post Doug Valdez appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#76775)
The post Rick Brunson Tests Jalen Brunson Again On What To Say When Press Asks About Bruises appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#766SQ)
Actor Idris Elba dismissed longstanding rumors that he would be the next James Bond, calling the speculation unrealistic" and claiming that many global audiences would never accept a Black male in the iconic role. What do you think?The post Idris Elba Says Some Audiences Won't Accept Black James Bond appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#766SR)
The post Trump Still Sleeping In MSG Seat appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#766FC)
Hello. I am a horse. I work very hard at my job of being a horse. When humans say move the heavy thing, I move the heavy thing. When humans sit on top of me and pull on my head, I carry them where they want to go. The main food the humans give me [...]The post I Work Very Hard, And I Would Like To Try Cake appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#766CZ)
BALTIMORE-Responding to widespread proliferation of the technology in Americans' daily lives, doctors at Johns Hopkins University warned Thursday that air fryers should not be considered an adequate substitute for human companionship.An air fryer can be a powerful and reliable tool, but it's no replacement for genuine interactions with other human beings," said psychiatrist Lisa McDougan, [...]The post Doctors Warn Air Fryers Not A Substitute For Human Companionship appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#766CY)
TENAFLY, NJ-According to Roosevelt Elementary custodian Thanasis Danielopoulos, faculty and staff at the school are often surprised when they learn that back in his home country of Greece, he was a demigod.People are usually shocked when I tell them my mom was a maiden and my dad was a rain god who took the form [...]The post Greek Custodian Used To Be Demigod Back In Home Country appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#766CX)
The pair said I do" Friday after a whirlwind meeting with their tax preparer.The post Sara Morse and Beth Lozano appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#766CW)
The post Schtick-Starter appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#766CV)
The post Blindfolded Love Island USA' Contestants Challenged To Guess Who Saying Slur appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#7663N)
NEW YORK-Growing increasingly indignant with each passing possession, President Donald Trump reportedly spent the first quarter of Monday's Game 3 of the NBA Finals angrily demanding that Knicks guard Jalen Brunson put on a suit. You're telling me this guy is supposed to be the star, yet he goes out on the court wearing, what, [...]The post Trump Angrily Demands Jalen Brunson Put On Suit appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#7662F)
The post Kylie Jenner Told Nachos Were Sent By Fat Joe appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#765YG)
The post NYPD Attempts To Deter Terrorists At NBA Finals By Doubling Assassination Fees appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#765RD)
The post Trump Claims He Never Promised A Livable Country appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#765K1)
WASHINGTON-Admitting that his prior beliefs regarding conflagrations had been formed out of ignorance, longtime U.S. Forest Service icon Smokey Bear issued a statement Monday claiming that his views on wildfires had evolved. You have to understand, when I was coming up in the '40s, these fires were talked about in an almost entirely negative context, [...]The post Smokey Bear Claims Views On Wildfires Have Evolved appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#765K0)
WASHINGTON-In what experts are already calling one of the worst outbreaks of foodborne illness in decades, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration issued an urgent recall Tuesday for 40,000 gallons of RFK Jr. milk. The recall, which covers all milk produced by the body of Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr., was [...]The post FDA Recalls 40,000 Gallons Of RFK Jr. Milk appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#765JZ)
NEW YORK-Calling the breakthrough a significant step forward in xenotransplantation, New York University doctors confirmed Monday they had successfully transplanted a pig foreskin onto a circumcised human.This successful operation proves that pig penises are a viable, long-term solution for circumcised patients in desperate need of working foreskin," lead surgeon Robert Langford said of the procedure [...]The post Scientists Successfully Transplant Pig Foreskin Onto Circumcised Man appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#765JY)
The post Kissing Practiced On Wife appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#765JX)
Water-Inefficient Landscaping: Featuring lush, non-native tropical plants, a pool, a fish pond, and a private putting green, this home spits in Mother Nature's face and dares her to do something about it. Reference #815233The post Water-Inefficient Landscaping appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#765JW)
June is time for Pride and time for travel. The Onion shares tips for helping LGBTQ+ Americans stay safe while traveling this summer. Use discretion when conversing with strangers on apps who list their job as Secret Police." Make sure the destination you're heading to isn't somewhere that persecutes LGBTQ+ people, like Dubai or Boston. [...]The post Tips For LGBTQ+ Travelers appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#765JV)
PETALUMA, CA-Nervously drumming his fingers as he reviewed the information one more time, local 20-year-old Kane Parsons reportedly attached the file Backrooms.mov to his film school application Monday. Alright, here goes nothing," said Parsons, who told reporters that he had so far applied to six undergraduate film school programs, including Drexel University, Rochester Institute of [...]The post Kane Parsons Attaches Backrooms.Mov To Film School Application appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#765JT)
A meta-analysis of existing research found that cat owners had an increased risk of schizophrenia-related disorders, concluding that those exposed to cats had twice the likelihood of developing psychosis. What do you think?The post Cat Ownership Linked To Schizophrenia appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#764H0)
At least three incidents of mysterious men climbing up from manholes in Brooklyn and Queens have been reported in the past month, prompting warnings from NYC officials about the dangers of exploring the sewer system. What do you think?The post Mystery Men Emerge From NYC Manholes appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#763ZC)
LOS ANGELES-Sending fans of Greek mythology into a frenzy on social media,The Odysseydirector Christopher Nolan confirmed Friday that god of sky and thunder Zeus had landed a cameo role in the film as a Trojan soldier. Yes, that was indeed the King of Gods that observant viewers spotted on the battlefield in the latest trailer," [...]The post Zeus Lands Cameo Role As Trojan Soldier In The Odyssey' appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#763ZD)
Jill Biden has released View From The East Wing, a memoir detailing her time as first lady of the United States. Here are the book's biggest revelations: Knew from first time she met Joe that he had what it takes to become president, succumb to hubris, and be publicly humiliated Would feed pieces of Secret [...]The post Biggest Revelations From Jill Biden's New Memoir appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#763ZH)
The post What Are We Donating To Goodwill? appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#763ZG)
Diana Yanko, 61, died on Tuesday after an AI incorrectly filed her charts, another AI denied her claim, and a third AI turned off her life support.The post Diana Yanko appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#763ZF)
The post Mom Disappointed Kids Not Coming Home For National Donut Day appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#763ZE)
An 89-year-old Los Angeles resident plans to climb Mount Kilimanjaro for his 90th birthday this summer, which would make him the oldest person to ever summit Africa's highest mountain. What do you think?The post Man Plans To Climb Mount Kilimanjaro For 90th Birthday appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#763T0)
DES MOINES, IA-Joining a long line of musicians who have threatened legal action against the commander-in-chief, nu-metal band Slipknot issued a public statement Tuesday demanding President Donald Trump stop using their masks during his rallies.Donald Trump's vile, evil agenda is not at all aligned with what our terrifying masks represent," frontman Corey Taylor wrote on [...]The post Slipknot Orders Trump To Stop Using Their Masks During Rallies appeared first on The Onion.
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by The Onion Staff on (#763K0)
The post Phoebe Bridgers Concertgoer Dips Into Bathroom To Snort Line Of Zoloft appeared first on The Onion.
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